Grilling

You know summer has started when you begin smelling sausage in the air. Major retailers launch the same campaign around grilling season every year: it’s time to brush off the tools and throw some meat or fish on the grill. When I lived in Italy, my family was always lazy to fire up the grill. We procrastinated all summer, because sunny days were the norm there. By living in Finland I have learned to live and appreciate grilling season to the fullest: I love to lay the table on our terrace and eat freshly grilled cheese, sausages, even fish. If you love nature, you can try grilling on the open fire. Many trails have designated pits for campfires (do not start fires in undesignated areas!). If you want to grill like a pro, fish your lunch yourself from a lake!

Swimming in a lake

Finland is know as “the land of a thousand lakes”. You learn that is an understatement when you find out that there are over 187 000 lakes in the country, amounting to one lake every 26 Finns. Dipping into quiet freshwaters is definitely a summer must-do for us living in Finland. The earliest you dive in, the better: whoever dips last to wait for warmer waters, is a chicken in Finland!

Playing Mölkky

Mölkky is a beloved outdoors game that Finnish families love to play. It suits pretty much all ages and it is easy and fun to play. In the game you are asked to throw a wooden pin and hit the numbered wooden skittles. A good aim wins over quantity in this game. Mölkky has gained worldwide popularity – apparently it’s huge in France! – to the point that tournaments are played and associations founded all over the world.
We certainly love a good game of Mölkky and even though we were not familiar with the game when we move to Finland, we have adopted it as one of our beloved family summer games.

Going on hikes

About 75% of Finnish land is covered in trees. Going on hikes in forests or national parks is part of the Finnish summer experience. If you live in Finland, check out the amazing national parks the country features. You can check out some of the hikes we went on near Espoo (Oittaa, Hannusmetsä, Klassarinkierros), in Repovesi or Valkmusa. If you live elsewhere I cannot advise you directly, except for recommending to enjoy nature when it blooms at its best.

Enjoying sauna

Last but not least, the national pride and most beloved tradition of Finland: sauna. Wait: Finnish sauna. It’s an important distinction to make given how picky and proud my fellow Finns are about it. At the bare minimum, you have to enjoy sauna in your birthday suit and keep the temperature between 80C and 110C. During summertime Finns love to heat up in a (wooden) sauna and then dip into the chilling lake waters.

Don’t these sound as wonderful summer activities? Simplest things are the salt of life. Enjoy summer!

This post is a collaboration with Tactic Games, producer of the game Mölkky. Opinions are mine and sincere. Read more about my work values here.
Featured image by congerdesign from Pixabay.

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The resources I am going to list here are contacts and ideas for when the issues strike. However, there are some ways in which you can mitigate risks when all is calm. Consciously building a support network is essential for expat families (read my tips on how here). Let’s head in.

Peer support

Whatever you are going through, I can assure you, you’re not alone. Connecting with people who are facing similar challenges is a powerful way to gain back hope and start the healing process. Finland is the land of associations. Whatever is happening in your life, there’s an association dealing with it. For example, Leijonaemot gathers parents of children with special needs or Leskiperheet gathers widowed families. The first tip I want to share is for you to dig out some keywords in Finnish and google those with the word “yhdistys” (association), and see what comes out. Even if an association doesn’t have English pages, it does not mean they cannot help you. Try contact them via email before discarding the idea.
There are several supportive Facebook groups of foreigners living in Finland. Smaller groups like Expat mothers in Helsinki/Finland tend to be more tight. If you are, like myself, involved in the adoption world, join our online community (more on its story here).
Projects like Neighbourhood Mothers or Terrible Mothers can help you feel connected to other moms living in Finland.

Mental health support

If you or a member of your family struggles with mental health, you are not an isolated case. 1 every 4 people in Finland has suffered with depression at some point in their life. Anxiety and depression disorders affect about 6% of people living in Finland. Mental healthcare services are offered by municipalities: if you or a member of your family needs therapy or professional help, the best first step is to contact your local healthcare station (terveysasema). This blog post explains very well where to seek help based on the severity of the issue. If your child needs help, seek advice from your local healthcare station. They will request an evaluation and a referral called B-lausunto from a child psychiatrist (read more here).
The nonprofit Mieli offers various services around mental health (check out their new Omamieli service). FinFami is another relevant nonprofit and they focus on supporting family members of people struggling with mental health (see their new multilingual publications here).
It can be tough to find help as a foreigner and there is nothing worse than getting doors slammed in your face when you are most vulnerable. You might find people with the “not my problem” attitude. Improving access to help for foreigners in Finland is one of my personal battles.

Family therapy and counselling

If your family is navigating difficult times (for example divorce or grief), your municipality’s family counselling (perheneuvola) can help. Counselling is free of charge. These are the contact points of Helsinki, Espoo, and Vantaa. The church community offers also free-of-charge couple or family counselling (perheasiain neuvottelukeskus, the service is offered by the church to everyone, not just parishioners, and there is nothing religious attached to it). These two services are not as effective as therapy: in my experience, they are often overbooked and book you in a meeting a month or so. If you need a more intensive intervention, you should look up a couple or family therapist. Kela covers both under its rehabilitation program, but you’ll have to find a Kela-licensed therapist that speaks the language of your choices (not trivial). Nowadays digital platforms cut geographical distances: hiring a therapist in your birth country and running remote sessions might end up being the best cost/benefit solution. Another point of contact is Familia, that offers counselling for intercultural couples.
If things escalate and there are minors in the household, social services can help: read this example story to understand their role in helping families. When I think of social services, I immediately think of drama movies with children getting snatched from their parents’ arms. However, there’s a huge spectrum of interventions in social care. These are examples of help social services can provide to your family.
[new] BVIF offers affordable counselling in English for families struggling with ADHD. This is not yet advertised on their pages, get in touch directly.

Hard situations

If you or someone in the family are facing domestic abuse, you can find support resources from Naistenlinja and Nollalinja. Domestic abuse includes emotional violence as well as physical. Domestic violence includes children being aggressive or violent towards other family members: this is a topic surrounded by stigma yet cases of child-on-parent or child-on-sibling violence make for 10% of all reported violence cases in Finland. Violence is violence, period. In emergency cases, please call the police. This publication explains how to identify abuse and where to find help in Finland.
The association Monikanaiset offers assistance in several situation, especially in custody battles or domestic abuses. They also manage a shelter and they have a chat service for victims of domestic violence. Helsingin ensikoti provides residence for pregnant women and mothers with children if they are facing housing crises; their communities have a therapeutic approach and help new families navigate difficult circumstances.
Custody battles are a common hard challenge faced by many families. Monikanaiset offers support in those situations as well. If your child was abducted by your ex-partner or if you suspect she is at risk to be abducted, find more information and support from Abducted Children NGO.

Hotlines and anonymous support

I am including here some anonymous and confidential hotlines you might call to get help. Mind you, many of these reply in Finnish, but given how many Finns speak fluent English, you can try and take the chance to call in anyway.
ADHD league advice line. tel: 040 541 7696, Mon-Thu 9-12.
Advice on children’s sleep. tel: 040 587 4608, Thu 9-12.
Advice and support on breastfeeding. tel.  09 4241 5300, Tue 21-22, Thu 20:30-21:30, Fri 13-14.
Peer support for parents of children with special needs. tel. 045 869 8335, Wed 10-14 or place a call-back request.
Mental health hotline (in several languages).
PPD and baby blues peer support. tel. 040 746 7424, check the updated schedule here.
Chat and hotline to support parents by MLL. tel. 0800 92277 (free toll), Mon-Tue 10-13 and 17-20, Wed 10-13, Thu 14-20.
Divorce and child custody advice hotline. tel. 020 774 9800. Mon-Thu 10-16, Wed 10-19.
Substance abuse hotline. tel. 0800 900 45 (toll free), available 24/7.
Family crisis hotlines, tel. 09 8164 2439 (Western Uusimaa, incl. Espoo) / tel. 09 310 44222 (Helsinki) / tel. 09 8392 4005 (Vantaa) / to find the number for your municipality look up “Social Emergency Services“, available 24/7.

Featured image created by Catherine Cordasco.

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What is Kamalat äidit about?

Kamalat äidit® (Terrible Mothers) is a nationwide project that has been operating for 15 years. Our mission is simple: to offer peer support groups for mothers of teenagers. In our groups, we talk about everyday life, challenges and joys of living with an adolescent. We support and empower each other, by sharing experiences, thoughts and feelings in a safe and warm space. We are currently developing MKA (monikulttuurinen Kamalat äidit), our multicultural activities.

Why did you choose this name for the initiative?

Our name “Kamalat äidit” means Terrible Moms. Our project started in Oulu in 2005 and has been catching attention ever since. We registered its name and model in 2013, and became officially Kamalat äidit®. I love that name, it’s a way to own something that may otherwise be heavy, either because your teenage kid calls you a terrible mom or because you feel yourself like a terrible mother. You’re allowed to feel like you feel and it’s ok. And when you meet others, you realise that you’re actually awesome, terrible moms.

How does it work in practice? 

Our groups are led by two peer support group counsellors. If at least two potential volunteers identify a need in their city and they get in touch with us, we visit and offer them a training to start a group. Our volunteers are very independent and they get to build their groups. In practice our groups gather 4 to 10 moms, 10 times. The groups meet once a week or twice a month, depending on the availability of the peer support group leaders. Each session has a theme and exercises, but we always give priority to the discussions.

Can participants preserve their identity if they wish?

On our online groups it’s been very easy for our participants to be anonymous. For the face-to-facee groups it’s different. Participants can share with others what they feel like sharing. Participants are free to preserve their family members by not sharing their names and it is part of our rules to make sure that information that could identify our participants are not disclosed. We also have a strict rule on confidentiality (what happens during the meetings can not be shared outside the group). Our groups are based on mutual trust and a feeling of being safe, and we make sure that it stays that way. 

Are facilitators YWCA staff?

In some cases, Kamalat äidit staff may be part of the group. But most of the time, the groups are led by two volunteers. When a volunteer and a staff member are leading a group, the staff member always make sure to give the maximum space possible to the volunteer.

If facilitators are volunteers, what kind of support do they get?

The network of volunteers we have all around Finland is I think one of our biggest joy. Our volunteers are first of all trained. They get to know our organization, our project and the way the groups work. We go through the sessions’ themes with them, and work on their own peer support group leaders skills (group dynamics, facilitation). We also work with them on their own motivation. After this training, we support them to find participants for the group that they want to create. We offer them personalized support and guidance once the group has started. If they need help with a specific topic, need extra material or extra help for a participant, we also make sure that it is available. We organize meetings and trainings for our volunteers in different places in Finland several times a year.
With our multicultural activities, we are also planning into giving specific trainings on the theme of multiculturality, cultural sensitivity or multilingual work for example.

Do you have groups in languages other than Finnish? And is it possible to start new ones in other languages?

Until now, we have had almost only exclusively groups in Finnish. My job now is to develop our multicultural activities, and languages are at the center of it! We are going to have groups in Finnish, English and Spanish in autumn 2020. We strongly encourage mothers of teenagers who would like to volunteer or participate in English or in Spanish to get in touch with us, as we are going to have our volunteers training in both these languages in June 2020. If you want to start a group in your city or if you want to participate in one of our groups, let us know!
For next year, we are working on developing groups in other languages, and we are very open to discuss it with other NGOs, cities and of course women who want to volunteer!
I’d like to tell a little bit about our multicultural activities, that I am in charge to develop. Our goal is to make sure that our groups are open to mothers who experience multiculturality in their lives. Of course foreign moms are welcome, but also Finnish moms living in multicultural or multilingual families, adoptive mothers, as well as moms who feel that multiculturality is an important factor for them and who want to share with moms from different horizons.

What range of topics do the groups cover usually? Do they include hard stuff (drugs, eating disorders…)? If a mother needs this specific kind of peer support, do you help her match to other moms who deal with the same?

Our groups’ priority is to create a space for the mothers to talk about what they want. We have a general structure for our groups, some of our themes are daily life challenges, parenthood, set limits and rules… We have low threshold themes as well as deeper ones, exploring the mothers relations to their own youth, motherhood or the future. Difficult topics are of course discussed in our groups. Some mothers inform us when they register about a specific situation that they face or a specific topic that they need to open up about. Use of drugs, sexuality, eating disorders, school issues, gaming and phone addiction, are topics that come up very often. One very powerful thing that happens in our groups is that very often the moms realize that they are not alone, that other families go through similar situations, and that others can understand and support, without judging or having to explain. Our groups are nevertheless not therapies, even though they can have therapeutic effects. Our volunteers are trained to recognize the situations in which they should direct our participants to professional help, and the staff is always ready to support them.

Can you share some success stories or positive feedback you have received from mothers?

I can share with you some feedback that we received in Finnish.

”Tämä oli minulle hyvä henkireikä. Niin siis kiva, mahtava.” (This was a lifeline for me. So nice, awesome)
”Aina saa tukea, tsemppiä, voimaa.” (You always get support, energy, strength)
”Ryhmässä uskalsi puhua ja sai voimaa.” (In the group I dared to speak and I got strength)

Our multicultural activities have received a lot of positive interest from mothers, volunteers and professionals. I’d love to come back next year to keep you updated on a success story for a multicultural mother and her family.

Do you have groups for fathers as well? Did you get requests to start any?

We don’t have groups for fathers. Our organization is a women’s organization, and our motto is “courageous and loving acts by women”. We focus on mothers, knowing that their empowerment and wellbeing will also affect positively the whole family. We welcome all mothers.

If someone wants to sign up to a group or become a facilitator, what do they have to do?

They can write to [email protected]. Just mention that you’re interested in our multicultural activities and you’ll be put in touch with me.

Are you a Terrible Mother? Don’t be shy to connect with other moms or start a group yourself. You will never be alone in facing the challenges of parenting a teen.

Featured image by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.

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I was cursed to get a picture of what was coming days ahead from reading Italian newspapers as well as social media. There I had a taste of the raw experience of the epidemics, as well as read several experts’ opinions. My concern grew by the day, especially while witnessing the low reactivity of the Finnish government.

I don’t think people are worrying enough, not in Finland, not in other countries where things are just starting to unfold. To the day I still hear of parents debating whether to send their kids to social activities or daycare because “they are bored” or they cannot stand having them at home. [1] Unfortunately the initial global communications sounded as “it’s barely a flu” and shortly later “only the elderly or patients with health conditions are affected”. Most people – including myself – recorded those information and then refused to refresh them.

The main thing you need to understand about coronavirus is that it is a novel sickness: nothing is sure and information change all the time. You need to stay updated.

China, Italy, and France have released data suggesting that young people often require intensive care. In addition, coronavirus is damn fast in spreading, because of a relatively long incubation period and many people not showing symptoms. You might easily catch it, not even realise you are sick, and infect many on your path. Data was released suggesting worrying figures on young children. Children are, indeed, less affected. However, 5.9% experience severe or critical illness that require hospitalisation. In particular, small children (babies and preschoolers) were the most vulnerable:

Another extremely concerning data that emerged only recently is the mortality rate. The initial comment was “only old people risk dying”. The thing is, younger people fighting between life and death last longer. They stay attached to a ventilator for weeks and while they do, they are not recorded as fatalities. In 2 weeks time from now, we might have a completely different picture of the mortality rate and its distribution by age. It will be too late then.

Without any restriction, we would easily find ourselves with thousands of people needing hospitalisation, yet resources – for example beds or ventilators – would be limited. The healthcare system doesn’t serve only coronavirus patients. On top of a pandemic, all activities must continue. Treating victims of accidents, cancer patients, performing operations, treating the sick, the list goes on. In Italy, doctors are forced to choose who dies and who lives.

The Finnish government has placed a bet on individual responsibility by not closing daycares. I beg you, if you can keep the kids home, do it. Every person counts, every missed social event counts. It’s all about minimising the likelihood of contagion and slowing the spread (here’s a simulation showing how social isolation helps). This will be a hard time for everyone and we need to shift into the mentality of making sacrifices.

I promise I will produce cheerful posts such as “10 crafts to keep you child busy during a pandemic” or “how not to murder your kids on day 15 of a quarantine” but right now I want to convey clearly how bad things can get. While my family wasn’t directly hit (yet), friends of friends are dying. It hits close. Few days ago, Bergamo, Italy, recorded that every 30 minutes someone was buried. Families have been decimated, including young parents dying.

“People are dying like dogs – nameless, a number among many” – says Roberta, her father died “My father wasn’t old and he wasn’t ill before”. She says the only noise she hears all day long is ambulance sirens. She leaves 10 or so messages of condolences daily on Facebook walls.

In Italy, people are forbidden from leaving home. In some areas, grocery shopping means queuing for hours because the store lets in only few people at a time. The police is enforcing the quarantine. Things can get much worse if we don’t wake up soon. Your individual choices now matter the most.

Now it’s really the time to look out for each other and be aware of how our choices affect our community. We’ll get through this. Stay healthy, #stayathome.

[1] Edited out. As a fellow mom kindly flagged, this phrasing sounded judgemental. We are all stressed and scared (awful combination!) and the last thing I want to do is to add conflict or pressure. I apologise for the bad choice of words. We are all doing the best we can, let’s keep on lifting each other <3.

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Nordic Nannies is a service provider connecting families and carers. Mareena herself has worked as a nanny for roughly 20 years across seven countries. She is very aware of what skills candidates should have, what needs families have, as well as what it means to be an immigrant.

“I know a lot about moving from Finland, applying for jobs abroad in the nanny industry, how to enter a new family and make a life there, working and living abroad in a new country and a new culture”, she says. Many international families in Finland lack family support and several look for childcare solutions, even temporarily.

Mareena can match families with different profiles. There’s the well-known au-pairs, young people seeking for a low-cost cultural experience in exchange for some help with childcare and house chores. Such arrangements usually last 6 months top. Similarly, elderly companions can assist older people with daily life for up to a year. If a family is looking for longer placements, Mareena can match them professional nannies. One interesting profile is the one of governess or gouverneur, that is a private teacher. Home-schooling is legal in Finland – although extremely rare – and some families moving from abroad might benefit from temporarily home-schooling their children. For example, hiring a Finnish private teacher could help school-age children transition more easily in a new language and education system. Some families move to Finland in the middle of the school year or miss to get one of the few places at the international schools, and a private teacher could help bridge the school year.

Mareena started Nordic Nannies primarily to offer young Finns a chance to work abroad. In time, the business evolved and now she is capable of matching families, living both in Finland and abroad, with carers with various backgrounds, language skills, and countries of origin.

“Having worked myself here in Finland I know the system, for example how families can apply to Kela grants helping with the costs of childcare.”

This is particularly relevant for expat families, who might struggle finding out what benefits and rules are. There are several benefits that make hiring domestic help cheaper or provide tax cuts. Mareena is happy to assist families with questions regarding taxes and labour in Finland. Thinking of expats in Finland, I asked if she would be willing to find carers speaking the family’s minority language. She replied: “I have capabilities of finding candidates in other countries, in addition to Finns. I have networks and I am collaborating with other agencies. It’s definitely possible. I have many contacts among British nannies, but also some in Asia. Obviously with candidates from countries outside the EU can be issues with visas and it might take time. In the past I have also hired foreign candidates that were already in Finland. I am not lacking candidates like that”. Moreover, if a child has special needs, she has also capability of finding a nanny with training or previous experience with the condition.

Mareena works as a consultant and a recruiter. She requests an initial fee and a one-time contribution for a successful placement. If you will mention The Elephant Mum when you register, you’ll get a 10% off the placement fee (offer valid until 30.6.2020).

The best satisfaction of her job? “The most rewarding thing is when the family contacts me after few weeks and they are happy, everything is going well, they say it’s so easy, they come home from work and everything is taken care of… when it works for both parties, the nanny is happy and treated well”.

Featured picture by Dorothe Wouters on Unsplash.

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Part of the issue is that families do not engage in physical activities enough. By this I do not mean solely sports, but more broadly to be active and engage in play and activities than keep your body on the move. Luckily, public organisations like City of Helsinki are trying to change this. Today City of Helsinki launched a campaign called #HelsinkiLiikkuu (=Helsinki moves) in February 2020. According to their surveys, 80% of families do not move together daily. One of the initiatives is to improve visibility of physical activities available in the area. I like to call myself a converted lazy. I was empress of couch potatoes, but my intention to educate my children set me to change my habits for the better. Surprise, surprise, my own health and mood benefited greatly, and our family bond grew stronger.

Not everyone is aware that there is plenty of free or cheap sport activities for the whole family available in the capital area. Here are some ideas for your children to have fun on the move.

#1. Go on a hike

Hiking is one of our favorite family activities since ever. It fits all ages and never gets dull. We are blessed to live in a country where nature is always at reach. Beside casual walks, there are several nature trails in Helsinki (and Espoo, Vantaa) with different lengths, sceneries, and difficulty levels. Some have public grills or campfire pits for you to grill a couple of sausages. If you want to have a preview of some hikes, our recommendations near Helsinki are Oittaa, Hannusmetsä, and Klassarinkierros.

#2. Swim boredom away

Swimming is a cheap hobby in the capital area. Children under 7 enter for free or for around 3 euros. Adults’ entrance fee is usually around 5 euros. There are several swimming halls available, and most have spaces and facilities for children. Moreover, City of Helsinki organises cheap swimming courses for children.

#3. Play sports together

City of Helsinki offers several opportunities for children or the whole family to engage in sports. From exercise sessions for toddlers to family ball games, there’s plenty to do for free or a low fee. Several activities are available also through Easy Sport. The Adult Education Institute routinely offers cheap sport classes for the whole family – why not trying Afro Dance with your little ones?

#4. Explore city playgrounds

I realise how many playgrounds there are in Finland whenever I go on holiday and finding one involves Google Maps and long walks. Playgrounds are sprinkled all over Helsinki and its surrounding area. They are a safe and simple place for children to let some steam off, climb, and socialise. A special mention goes to the three Angry Birds playgrounds in Espoo. When bad weather hits, you can visit family houses: indoors free-of-charge facilities where small ones can play with toys and other children, while parents enjoy coffee and conversation.

#5. Visit a museum

Not all museums and cultural sites are children-friendly, but many are in Finland. Don’t look indoors only! There are outdoors options like Suomenlinna, Seurasaari or the Botanical Garden to spend a day out and learn something new. Helsinki City Museum is free and entirely child-centered (it’s our favorite place to lose a hour when we visit the city center); Kiasma regularly organises workshops for children; the Natural History Museum and the Korkeasaari Zoo are other popular choices.
Culture in Finland is affordable. You can invest in a Museum Card, which gives you access year round to most sites. Alternatively, many museums regularly allow visitors in for free.

#6. Ski among trees

Cross-country skiing is an exciting activity to try with kids. Children as young as 4 can learn and younger kids might be towed on a sledge. Paloheinä is a popular winter center in Helsinki and if you don’t own skiis, you can rent them. If you are like myself when I moved here and know nothing of winter sports, you’ll be pleased to learn that Paloheinä has courses for small children with or without an adult to introduce you to this new hobby.

#7. Treasure hunt with geocaching

Geocaching is a world-known free hobby and I’m pleased to announce it’s popular in Finland too. Treasure hunting provides a perfect excuse to drag kids of all ages out and about. Frankly, it’s fantastic for adults too! We’ve been recently sucked into it, it fits all ages and provides motivation and rewards to go on long walks.

#8. Climb on your bikes

You don’t have to wait for summer to hop on your bike. As long as there is no ice, cycling is rewarding. Don’t underestimate small children: last summer my 4 and 6 year olds would bike 8 km. Helsinki has over 1200 km of bicycle paths, all over town and through forests. There are several recommended bicycle routes for you to try. Or you can build your own with the help of the Journey Planner.

#9. Dust off your ice-skates

Now that you live here, you need to make your peace with winter sports because even if you hide, they’ll find you. You probably have come across the ice-skating ring near the main railway station. As you can see, it’s quite cheap. There are several outdoor skating rings across Helsinki, free-of-charge and open to the public. Oulunkylä hosts an indoor skating ring.

#10. Care for nature

Helsinki offers residents chances to have an active role in caring for its nature. The initiative “Good Things Grow in Helsinki” calls for volunteers to shape the green areas and clean parks. It’s an hands-on educational opportunity for the whole family.
Another option is to rent a garden allotment for your family to grow vegetables. The open farm Haltiala allows visitors to pick flowers and peapods for free. And of course you’re free to pick berries, wild herbs and mushrooms in forests any time.

There is plenty of opportunities for your family to spend quality time together without hurting the wallet. To learn more about the campaign, like the Facebook page, follow the Instagram or Twitter feed, and keep an eye on the webpage. Join me and post on social media how you keep your family on the move with the hashtag #HelsinkiLiikkuu.

Featured image by The Slow Photography.

The post 10 Low-Cost Activities in Helsinki to Keep Your Family Healthy #HelsinkiLiikkuu appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Yesterday we explored a new nature trail nearby, the Klassarinkierros in Nuuksio National Park. We loaded the car full of people – us, the three kids (ages 4, 6 ,12), and my in-laws currently visiting – and travelled towards the park. Klassarinkierros is a 4 km trail going on a circle. At the very start there’s a small parking area called Valklampi, but yesterday we were surprised to see that that and the long road were packed with cars – many people had our very same plan! To reach the trail you need a car, as no bus reaches this deep in. Its location within the park and more information can be found here.

The trail was fairly easy, except for a short section where we had to climb smooth rocks covered by a layer of ice. The small children were confident and fast. The path was marked very clearly (not all are!) so they could lead the group. U’s phone battery ran out right away so she was forced to enjoy nature, thank you Universe :D.

I’m not a fan of swamps and open spaces, so I appreciated that the path went deep into the forest. For a good part we walked near a stream and the pond Kurjolampi. I like when we walk near water – although I was running a betting pool on E falling into – he didn’t, shockingly.

We were lucky enough to spot a beautifully painted sunset sky. It was a relaxing and wonderful walk, and we’d love to do it again in the summer. Maybe we will lit a firecamp in the firepit available on the path and roast a couple of sausages.

If you are a fan of family hikes, check out these posts:
Our walk at Repovesi National Park (Kouvola)
Walking the Hannusmetsä Nature Trail (Espoo)
The Nature Trail at Oittaa (Espoo)

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These are my tips from 9+ years living in Finland. My husband and I are both expats and we juggle a family of two toddlers and, occasionally, a preteen. Some of our kids have special needs and we are both working full-time. These years haven’t been short of challenges and we could have never pulled it out without the tips I’m about to share.

Understand that you’re not alone

My first tip is to realise that there are many parents struggling with this – pretty much every expat parent. Few lucky ones have family of their Finnish spouse to help a little, but many do not have any support at all. Even when you have relatives living in the same continent, you won’t have the short-notice daily help many local families count upon. How does this help? Well, I have found people in my same situation and in emergencies I know I can ask them help because they get it 100%. They understand how important my requests are and don’t underestimate my struggle. Similarly, I try to pay it forward and offer my support when I have slack and someone is struggling. Slowly build your tribe.

Create a Whatsapp group

Years ago I was introduced to a private Google Group gathering other Italian women living in Finland. It included some who had been living in Finland for 20 years as well as newcomers. The main rule, you were included only by invitation if you knew at least one group member IRL. This restriction made it a safe space. Later we created a Whatsapp group as spin-off. This chat group became a huge part of my everyday life. I use to ask quick questions or stir discussions, often on private matters that I don’t want to expose on a Facebook group with strangers. I also enjoy I get to speak in my native language and we often make inside jokes only Italian people get. We sometime organise dinners, support each other, and stay connected to our birth culture. Create your own group. Start with few fellow expat moms or parents you know, and slowly expand.

Build your lifestyle mindfully

We have been very intentional over the years about choosing jobs that would allow our lifestyle and work-life balance. For example being able to do remote work is essential for both of us. We also need a workplace and managers that are considerate towards our family requirements. We need flexitime. Few months ago I was enticing the possibility of working for a company in US. I soon rejected the idea, simply because I cannot afford to work with a company that has less work-life balance or no family friendly policies or incompatible timezones. I know expats struggle to build their career in Finland, but try to make sensible choices wherever you can.

Hire professionals to help

Our lifestyle is peculiar. In many periods of our life here, professional help was not a luxury, it was a necessity. We have invested time and effort in finding professionals that we could afford to better manage our household. Two examples are babysitters and cleaning services. And I found them cheap (and legal).
We hired teens in our neighbourhood for both and paid 10-15 euros/hour. We paid them (along with taxes) through the online tax service Palkka. For some time when our daughter was small, we found we needed someone to pick her up from daycare regularly, at least once a week. I surveyed her classmates’ parents and found one mom willing to help. She made few extra bucks and our girl was excited she got to go to regular playdates with a friend. It was convenient since this mom lived in the area and had to visit the daycare to pick up her son anyway. Similarly, we had months where we could not find time or energy to clean the house regularly. We hired a teen and she would come for a couple of hours every week. It wasn’t professional cleaning but it was enough to keep us out of the social services’ radar (JK).

Explore available resources

There are many hidden resources for families in Finland. It might take time, tons of internet research, and a million questions shot around, but you can find some. For example, perheneuvola offers free family counselling. Neuvola has a service for overtired parents, where a nurse babysits your baby for free while you take a long nap. There are free mental health hotlines and Kela reimburses a good amount of therapy services’ fees. Many parents of small children work reduced hours (I think employers have to concede them – check with your union). In times of crises, I have even used the free-of-charge babysitting services available in some malls (like Sello).

Ask for help

This is general advice. Expat family life is tough. It is. I know people who are in therapy solely for that. It can be alienating and lonely, full of invisible struggles that surrounding locals, sometime even your Finnish partner, simply do not get. It’s okay to ask for help from fellow expats, other parents, your partner, your work manager, a therapist, professionals. Be open about your experience and struggle. Be honest with yourself. Have self-compassion. Build solid self-care routines.

I won’t lie, a lot of my energy goes into making up for the support we don’t have here. An expat’s support network is dynamic: the friends you make may move away. Some friendships even start with an expiration date, as their plan is to stay temporarily. It’s part of the game and you need to accept it. Your family’s needs will change in time and you oughta be creative and proactive. For few months I regularly exchanged babysitting favours with a neighbour. I have a couple of Finnish moms in the neighbourhood on speed dial for emergency daycare pickups. Occasionally I have tactically scheduled playdates for both kids at the same time to have a couple of spare hours. You will learn to play the game. Sometime you’ll need to just push through or stop and reassess your prioritise. It’s hard, mama (or papa), but you’ve got it!

Do you have other tips for fellow expat parents? Please share them in the comments section!

If you liked this post, you might appreciate also:
Things you need to know as an expat parent in Finland
Moving to Finland? Gotcha.
Anxieties of an immigrant parent.

The post Expat Families: How To Build A Support Network appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

I am not aware of other farms allowing pumpkin picking in the capital area, but I suspect we’ll see more in the future. The above mentioned place gets more popular year after year, to the point that this year pumpkins were all picked before the end of the first day!
We were blessed with a sunny and chilly day. The kids enjoyed running in the patch to find their favourite pumpkins, green or orange, big or small.

One aspect I love of this place is all the languages you hear spoken. Clearly it’s a place appreciated by multicultural families. Autumn visits to pumpkin patches are an American tradition, probably not yet popular among native Finns.

Pumpkins are usually ripe at the end of September here in Finland, so unfortunately they do not last until Halloween – last year we tried, but they didn’t make it. So this year we set out to freeze several single portions to enjoy pumpkin throughout the cold season. We love to use it in risotto (find my recipe here), pumpkin creamy soup, and this year we plan to try home-made pumpkin ravioli! While we still have to find a use for the soft pulp (suggestions?), we love to keep the seeds and eat them as a snack. This year I learned you can toast them in the microwave.

This is how you can prepare them:

• Pick the pumpkin seeds away from the pulp and wash them;
• place them on a cloth and dry most of the water away;
• when they are damp and not wet anymore, place them in a bowl and add salt to your taste, then mix. The salt will stick to the seeds if they are damp;
• spread some seeds on a plate and place it in the microwave. I have used the maximum temperature and cooked them for about 4 minutes. Some batches took longer and I tested if they were ready by tasting.

Enjoy your salted pumpkin seeds as a fingerfood snack! See you next year at the pumpkin patch.

The post Our Family’s Fall Tradition: Pumpkin Picking appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Should you buy a car?

Given my upbringing in Italy, I assumed owning a car was a given. The reality is that many Finns living in urban areas do not even have a driving license! The answer to the title question is it depends. Bigger cities are well served by public transportation and many families chose to live car-free. I think you should examine (a) how well served by public transportation you area is (check here if you live in the capital area), (b) how expensive owning a car would be, (c) what your family’s routines and needs are. In Finland it is common for school age children to go to school on their own, by feet or by bus (public transportation is clean and safe here). Several local administrations discourage owning a car through taxes and policies: car taxes are high, there are few parking spots and they are expensive. My point is, do not assume you need a car.
Beside public transportation, there are additional alternatives: City Car Club and Drive Now are car sharing services. Another option is leasing: the monthly fee is expensive, but service often includes all maintenance expenses, repair as well as a service car.

How expensive is to buy a car?

Cars are expensive in Finland, for example compared to Italy. There are several retailers selling used cars (ex. Kamux) as well as websites listing sale postings (Autotie, Nettiauto). You can find a fairly used car for a way better deal. If you want to buy new, simply visit the brand retailers.

How expensive is to own a car in Finland?

This bit requires some research. The expenses to consider are:

• insurance: request (and negotiate! So few foreigners do this!) a quote from an insurance provider (ex. OP, Nordea, IF, PopVakuutus). Car insurance is compulsory in Finland.
• annual tax: the tax office requires all car owners to pay a certain amount every year. Once you have your eyes on a car on sale, use this calculator.
• fuel: Diesel or petrol? It depends on how much you’ll use the car. Diesel is taxed more, but cheaper. I quote my husband, “If you expect to drive over 15-20 thousands km per year, probably Diesel is cheaper”. Natural gas is a greener options but there are few distributors. Electric cars are getting popular and most department stores offer charging stations (check out the public ones here). You can check the average fuel prices in Finland here.
• regular inspections: cars are required to be inspected regularly. New cars (<5 years old I believe) must be inspected every 2 years, older cars every year. An inspection costs 40 euros, but they are very throughout. If something doesn’t work you will be forced to pay repairs. Something can mean tiny things like “the headlights are not aligned” or “the light over the back plate is not working”. With our old car, this meant ending up paying around 300 euros every year.

Can you bring your car from another country?

Yes, you can. It’s quite straightforward to move a car from another EU country and you have to follow the instructions listed here. I asked around in the expat community and I was told it is an easy process. Cars from non-EU countries will need custom clearance and I am not familiar with that. Beware that the car may need some adjustments to survive Scandinavian winters (for example you can install a block heater – lohkolämmitin in Finnish – which should cost around 500 euros).

How to buy a used car in Finland?

I strongly advise to buy from a retailer, for many reasons: (a) you will be less vulnerable to fraud, (b) shops take care of a lot of bureaucracy (that would be all in Finnish, good luck), (c) in case you are also selling an old car, they often take it (one less problem!), (d) most dealers offer a warranty period. Polish your negotiating skills!
How to know if the price is fair? Again, you will need some research. You can check similar listings from the websites listed above, use the free service by Trafi or this service by Nettiauto.
If you are selling your old car, you can use the above services to know how to set your initial ask. To trace the details of your old car, search the VIN number (usually found on the front glass) and use a decoder.

The Finnish Transport Agency has plenty of additional information, including tips for car sales and checklists for buyer and seller. I hope this post will be a starting point as well as a source of useful information around having or trading a car in Finland. If you think I have left any valuable information out, please comment down here. I want to publicly thank my husband for helping me collect all infos and sharing his precious insights, and the expats who shared their experiences with me on the various Facebook groups.
If you have moved to Finland recently, don’t miss my most popular posts to settle down with no fuss.

The post Having A Car In Finland: Everything You Need to Know appeared first on The Elephant Mum.