Rules For The Sunshine Blogger Award

• Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
• Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
• Nominate 11 bloggers to receive this award and ask them 11 new questions.
• List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your site.

My answers

Why did you start blogging?

I like to write, to communicate my ideas and useful information, to share my experiences and opinions, and connect with other people to discuss them further. I wanted to keep track of my parenting journey and a place to vent and reflect on my feelings, failures, rewards, all while sharing them with others. I found myself several times being the reader who benefited from other people’s honesty and I wanted to give back. I feel my experiences may have value for others. I also wanted to test how the blogger’s life looked like, to connect with brands and with a community of like-minded people.

What do you enjoy most about blogging?

My top favourite is that it really pushes me to reflect on certain topics. Sometime I get inspiration from my own experience, sometime from another blogger’s post or some online discussion. It gives a clearer shape to my ideas and feelings.

What do you enjoy least about blogging?

Let’s be fair, blogging is fun if someone reads what you write. Otherwise, better switch to a diary. This being said, I hate how much effort gets stolen from content creation by content promotion.

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be, why, and who would you take with you?

I’m pretty happy where I am now. I’m an expat so my wish to move away is reaaaaal low. I would like to travel somewhere nice with my family.

If you won £1million what would you do with it?

Funny, I think often about this and I know the answer. I would split the money, then use one part to fund impactful charities of my choice, the other part to fund a social entrepreneurship project I often dream about (a secret, sorry :)).

Which celebrity would you most like to meet and why?

I don’t have an all time favourite. In general someone who did something truly impactful for the world. At gunpoint I would say either Malala or Pope Francis (which is ironic, I’m the most anti-Catholic Church person on the planet, yet I like the guy).

What was your favourite subject at school and why?

Mathematics. Went on and got three degrees on it. And I know that many people are now staring the screen in horror and I want to tell them that the maths taught in school are nothing like the real deal. It’s like you’ve been trained only doing stretching and never got to dance.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing you couldn’t live without?

Pretty sure that whatever I would name here, I would anyway die on that island. Pass.

Which is your favourite blog post, and why? (feel free to post a link and share it with us)

I like this question where I get to reflect on my own greatness.
[50 minutes and plenty of arrogance later…]
I choose this post on breastfeeding, for one reason: I poured my heart in it and later one reader (now friend) told me it really helped her when she was struggling. It may not be the post with most visits or the best written, but I know for a fact it had an impact on someone and that makes it invaluable.

What is your favourite film and why?

I like many movies and I may have some favourite ones in relation to how I feel when I set to watch something. The movie I have probably watched the most number of times is What Dreams May Come. I admit I haven’t watched it in over ten years and now I’m afraid to do it again and find it is lame. Only thing I know is that movie used to make me cry for a full hour and a half. Talking of crying and a much better movie, I recommend The Elephant Man. Not for the title! The movie was directed by David Lynch and is one of the best portraits of how human beings can be cruel and noble at the same time.

Where is your favourite place to be and why?

Wherever the people who matter the most to me are.

My nominations and new questions

This was fun! Time to read the replies of some of my favourite fellow bloggers. I here summon:
Matt from Matt & Company, Daddy Poppins, Katy from KatyKicker.com, Heather from Shank You Very Much, Stefania from The Sicilian Mama, Steph from Under Our Roof, John from Dad Blog UK, Jamie from Hashtag Mom Fail, Emily from Twin Mummy and Daddy, Kate from Kate on Thin Ice, Kelly from Kelly Allen Writer.
Here are my questions for you, people:

1. What is one lie you told as a child and remember to tell?
2. What was the most painful revelation of adulthood for you?
3. What place that you visited / shortly lived in never left your heart?
4. If you would have the budget, you would run and buy…?
5. What is happiness for you?
6. What personal achievement are you most proud of?
7. What is one social cause you truly care about?
8. If you could fly somewhere for 3 days, where would you head to?
9. Who’s the person who taught you most about life?
10. If you could magically change something in the world or your life, what would that be?
11. What is your personal best quality?

I’m looking forward to reading your fantastic posts, make sure to tweet me your link.

Big thanks to Jade for nominating me, this was real fun.
If you enjoyed this post, you may want to read also:
The Versatile Blogger
The Joy in Adoption
Why Italian people freak out about food

The post The Sunshine Blogger Award appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Adoption completed our family

I gained a son. Only four words that mean an entire universe. I welcomed a new person, which I am supposed to nurture, teach to, love, like, listen to, and so much more. A little one who demanded everything from me, like children do. I am watching him grow. I witness him struggle with challenges and try, try, try, until he overcomes them. I observe him as he builds language, word my word, if not sillabe by sillabe, to communicate with me. To shout “I’m angry” or tell me I don’t need makeup to be beautiful (get ready girls, this one’s a player). To tell me how he feels and what he thinks. I helped him build that. I get to watch him sleep peacefully or calm him down if he’s having a nightmare (cursing between my teeth, sure, but also enjoying the exclusivity of being one of two only who can soothe him).
My daughter gained a brother. She was made to be a big sister. I can see how much she enjoys her brother’s company and complicity, and how much she’s learning from their relationship. He filled our lives. We were happy before he came, but cannot be happy without him anymore.

Adoption made me a supermom…

…by making me fail. Bad. I was already a mother when E joined our family. I was ready, right? Weaaaah. This may have happened with a natural child as well, but I have learned much more about parenting in the past year than in the previous four. As anything you conquer with sweat and blood, I am proud of my small achievements and more at peace with my limitations. It may sound illogical, but I feel much stronger now that I am aware of what I cannot or I don’t want to do. In addition, I feel now I am facing challenges most of my fellow parents simply do not understand, which in turns makes me feel entitled to mark as rubbish most of the advice I receive from them. It’s a bit sad and lonely, but also works miracles against mom guilt.

Adoption opened my eyes… and heart

Adoption originates from loss. I knew that, but I fully realised the depth of that after placement and after learning more about trauma. I have learned to place my joy side by side with this awareness. Before E came into my life, I had been lucky enough to never have to live with grief or, more in general, with anything I simply had to accept. I have always been a black or white kind of person and adoption forced me for the first time in my life to accept grey. I am grateful for that and I think it has made me a more complete human being.

Adoption enriched our family of one extra culture

Being a multicultural family already, we were aware of how crucial cultural heritage is. Traditions, food, language. Through adoption we welcomed a third culture into our family and we feel motivated to constantly learn about it. I am proud to call us an Italian-Finnish-Indian family!

Adoption presented me with challenges I didn’t see coming, but also changed me and my life in ways I’m grateful for. I feel it as privilege and a huge responsibility to be E’s mother. Flashback to few years ago, when we were torn in the waiting phase of the adoption process, and some cheeky ones asked us “why don’t you have another child yourselves instead?”. This. This is why.

If you want to read our adoption story, you can start from here. If you want to know more about adopting in Finland you can read:
International adoption in Finland, how does it work?
How I came to appreciate the Finnish adoption system

If you liked this post, would you vote for it?

The post The joy in adoption #adoptionilo appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

A little about myself

I was a lucky one. My mother has graduated in mathematics and she inspired me to do the same, even though she went on to become a middle-school teacher. I have studied theoretical mathematics in one of Italy’s best and toughest universities. It wasn’t long before I found myself being almost the only girl in the room.
I’ve worked for a few years as a researcher in a Finnish university. I had many female fellow PhD students, but there were no female professors in my subject. It didn’t really build up my career dreams. Later I turned to coding and now I work in a software company. I have supported and sometime captained several organisations for women in science, advocating for equality and equal opportunities. I have some small successes to be proud of in this regard. I am also mother to a girl, and my husband and I have worked from day one to empower her and teach her the sky is the limit.

The interview

Inspired by Primo Toys’ initiative, I prepared two hot cocoas, and my four year old daughter R and I sat down for a formal interview on what it means to her to be a girl.

Me: “So, R, today I will interview you. It means I will ask you some things and you need to tell me what you truly think I may ask if you like something or not, or about some things that have happened… Alright?”

R: “Yeah…”

Me: “My first question is, what do you like the most about being a girl?”

R: “That I can grow my hair long”

Me: “Wow, sounds nice! Anything else? Maybe something you think the boys cannot do?”

R: “Mmm no” (thinks) “If something comes up, I can tell later…”

Me: “Has anyone ever told you, ‘you cannot do this because you are a girl’?”

R: “No.” (looks at me like I’m talking science fiction)

Me: “Not even when playing? Maybe some boys were playing and they’ve told you you couldn’t play with them because you were a girl?”

R: (even more shocked at this idea) “No!”
(#GenderEqualityStartsFromDaycare :P)

Me: “Good to hear! Listen, what would you like to become when you grow up?”

R: “I don’t know… Oh wait, now I remember. When I grow up I want to watch the computer to know how people live.”

Me: “Can you explain better? What do you want to see exactly?”

R: “I wanna see everything“

Me: “Everything inside people?”

R: “Yeah!”

She’s very fascinated by scientific subjects. Her favourite topics are space and volcanoes, and we often read books about them. When it first snowed this winter, we even built a snow volcano, with flames coming up. Lately she has been claiming that she wants to study how people are inside and what allows them to live. She says that “computers know everything”, so her plan is to research by “watching videos of how people are inside”. I wanted to find out if she had any role model who inspires her somehow.

Me: “Is there a girl or woman that you like so much, you would like to be her?” (whispers ‘say mom’ – didn’t work)

R: “Mmm no.”

Me: “Think also about cartoons or books… Anyone?”

R: “I want to be the horse I watched this morning…”

Me: “Spirit?”

R: “Yes but not Spirit, the girl horse, that is white and brown”

She is the only girl in her class who plays with both girls and boys. She seems to be quite immune from common gender stereotypes, but I can see it does affect her if she sees some gender compartmentalisation, like boy VS girl toy sections in a shop, or if she meets female role models she sticks immediately to them. She loves to play as BatGirl or Nya from Lego Ninja Go. If there is a female character, she automatically identifies with her, which makes me think how essential gender representation is.

I reconnect to my experience as an adult. Not seeing female role models in your dream career triggers the thought “If no woman ever made it to the top, how likely it is that I will be that woman?”. This is why it’s crucial that parents expose children of both gender to a diverse representation of reality, where people of all genders, ethnicities, and social extraction act as empowering role models.

Me: “What can you do with the computer?”

R: “I can play…”

Me: “What else? There is something you do for me sometime, when I bring you to work…”

R: “I copy written things… And I can write random things also”

Me: “Yeah and you’re good! Listen, do you know what mommy does with her computer?”

R: “No…”

Me: “I write in a special language and explain to the computer what it needs to do for me. You also write in the language of computers, when you play with Cubetto”

R: “Cubetto beeps to me!”

Me: “Also that, but you also tell it what to do with the arrows and it does”

R: “No no no no… It only says ‘beep beep'”

Here I couldn’t explain her that language is not always spoken. I went on and asked her if she wish one day she will able to speak the language of computers and what would she do then.

R: “I would ask, computer, search and show me what’s inside people!” (mimics typing)

Me: “Thank you for the interview. Do you want to shake my hand?”

R: “Yes!”
(we shake hands)
Me: “Come back soon to my show!”

It was really fun to have this one to one chat with her. I love her self-confidence and we parents want to take some credit for fostering it.

Empower your girls

If you are a parent or an educator of girls, please be aware that you can have a profound influence and impact on their self-esteem. Coding is one example of activity which can grow self-confidence and provide with an indispensable skill for the future. If you lack the experience or struggle to find resources, you can start from this free e-book published by Primo Toys or check out my review of their amazing product Cubetto (proud Kickstarter backer right here). Here’s some books on coding for kids you may want to check out (we love Linda Liukas’ books!). If you have older children, you can check out finer tools, like Blocky by Google. Beside direct influence, you can take further action and consider sponsoring organisations that support women who code, for instance Girls Who Code, Women Who Code, or Project Girl Code.

Coding is already an essential skill in today’s world. I want all girls to have a real chance to appreciate how fun and empowering it can be to code. Let’s make it real, shall we?

I was invited to take part in the campaign by Primo Toys but the post is not sponsored. The post contains Amazon affiliate links, which mean I get a small % on sales at no additional cost to you.
Big thanks to F, my husband, who shot the post pics while we were having our interview.

The post Let’s get more girls into coding | My interview to R for #codinggirls appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

If you don’t follow Stephen’s blog, you’re at loss. He’s one of the most active dad bloggers, engages with his followers daily, and shares the cutest baby pics on the internet.

The rules of this tag are:

• Write 7 interesting facts about yourself
• Nominate 15 amazing bloggers for the award

Here we go. Be ready for a journey of weirdness. Each of these facts is true (no kidding).

1. I went through the ordeal of learning Finnish language, regarded as one of the hardest on the planet. I’m not crazy nor a language lover, I simply moved to Finland eight years ago.
2. In my past job, I had to wrestle my boss and my colleagues. On my knees. With my hands behind my back. And this is not the weirdest thing that happened to me at office parties in Finland. (I was sober, if you’re wondering)
3. I hit my husband only once (shut up, it’s a record for an Italian wife!). The reason was he had told me there was cake for dessert and it wasn’t true. I still feel he deserved it.
4. When I was studying theoretical math at the university (does this stand as interesting fact per se?), I once pulled a four-day study session with a friend eating only pizza, never getting out of our pjs ,and studying abstract algebra for twelve hours a day. The interesting fact is that towards the end of it I was truly hallucinating. Who said you need drugs to have fun?
5. I never ever ever smoked. Not even tried.
6. I have one tattoo on the back of my neck which reads “Free”. Got it in my early twenties during a rebellious phase when I escaped my family home in Italy and travelled solo in Ireland for two weeks without telling my parents where I was headed. In retrospective, I think they would have had me smoking instead. Also, as an adult, quite a miracle nothing bad happened to me during that trip!
7. Guess what Henri VIII and I have in common! We were both excommunicated by the Catholic Church. Before you picture me in a black cape draining lambs of their blood in the middle of a Scandinavian forest, I want to point out it’s extremely easy to be excommunicated. Like, apparently they’re very sensitive if you claim god doesn’t exist. Jeez.

Hey, this was fun! Gosh, I’ve written in the spur of the moment and now that I reviewed it I’m horrified I get to be a mother. I promise you during the years I have redirected my craziness towards healthier manifestations.

Time to nominate some fellow bloggers for the next round!

1. Pip Jones from Pip and the City.
2. Mum muddling through (follow her on Twitter).
3. Roaming mum (her Twitter here).
4. David from DadVWorld.
5. Kristie from Mamma Prada.
6. Tom from DADulting.
7. Carl from Dadtastic Voyage.
8. Amy from The Rolling Baby.
9. R from Dad n Daddy Blog.
10. Daddy Poppins (his feed here).
11. Katy from Katy Kicker.
12. Polly from Blogger by the sea.
13. Rebecca from The Coastal Mummy.
14. Emma from Ettie and Me.
15. Nadine from Then I became mum.

Who will pick up this challenge? I’m looking forward to reading the posts of these lovely bloggers. Make sure to follow all of them, you will not be disappointed.
If you like the idea of this tag, you don’t need to wait to be called to do it. Tweet me your post’s link, I’ll be glad to read it and retweet it.

The post The Versatile Blogger appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

My friends ask me how I do it to do it all. I wish I had a strategy to share, but truth is I play by the ear, I have great support around me, and if I get sick for two days my house of cards falls.

Here I am, a full-time working mom and an Italian expat living in Finland. The day has not enough hours, as every working parent knows. My day starts early and I’m usually by my work desk at 7.30 am. Awfully early for an IT job, I know, but this allows me to be home by 4.30 pm, not bad is it? The time I spend at work is hectic. I am employed in a fast-growing company and I follow several projects. That’s the atmosphere I thrive in. It leaves, however, little headspace and sometime when it’s time to go home I feel I cannot get through the day. My husband has a full-time job as CMO in a startup, but he’s now taking a one year parental leave to care for our newest addition to the family, our son E, who came through international adoption from India. Before E would come home I was the designated driver from daycare to home for our four year old daughter R. In these months, I get to walk home to a dinner in the making and I can spend a hour playing with my kids. It’s intense but really nice.

I am very grateful from the support I get from my workplace, Finnish policies, and my partner. My company promotes work-life balance and parental leave is seen as an employee’s right. My supervisor (a man) spent the past year working part-time to alternate with his wife to care for their toddler at home. When your team lead does it, it sets the bar. Finland is great to live in when you have kids. I could go on for hours sharing all the top notch services we get for cheap or no fees. Then there’s my lovely husband (I can adulate him because he never reads my blog ). He is taking most of the time off we planned for our son and changed his plans to allow me to go back to my job a little earlier than expected. He knows how I love working and how much it fills my day and my expectations.

One thing I’m missing as an expat mum is the support of family living close-by. Sometime we summon a pair of grandparents from Italy for few weeks if we have work trips coming on or similar, but it’s not the same as being able to ask for a hand when you need it right away. We can never take a break from parenting. The language barrier also makes things harder usually, both at work, as I feel I have limited career options, and in our social life, as it can compromise starting relationships with parents of other kids who are not comfortable speaking English.

I like being a working mom and I’m proud to be an expat parent. I believe our sacrifices as parents are creating better opportunities for our children. I have missed working during every maternity leave, even though I appreciated greatly the opportunity to spend exclusive time with my children. Work is part of how I live up to my identity and, after all, I think it makes me the best mother I can be.

The post The Mummy Juggle – My guest post for Ettie and Me appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

I am a full-time working mother of two toddlers, aged four and two. My husband, now temporarily at home in paternity leave, also works full-time. As ambitious professionals, family may not be our everything, but it’s definitely at the top of the list. In the latest years as a parent, I came to one important realisation: time is the only currency children understand. It’s not gifts, it’s not exciting trips, it’s regular day-to-day time. They measure the quality of our relationship with them, merely based on how much time we spend with them. As working parents, we have limited amount of that currency. Still, I think our family has found good ways to optimise what we have and I’m happy to share my suggestions with other fellow parents.

Throw away your work phone

When you are home, you must be really there. There’s no checking work emails and definitely not taking work calls. Sure, we all had our “crisis” at work, which required extra time in the evening. However, that must be the exception to the rule. If your job requires that you regularly have to work overtime, consider having a talk with your supervisor or even looking for a new employer.

They can call you only if the datacenter is on fire or if you are a surgeon.

You work to live, not live to work. And I say it as a professional who loves her job and happily hops into her office every workday. You will be the one drawing the line for a good work-life balance, no one else will do it for you.

Take a long parental leave

If you are allowed to take a parental leave, do it. And I’m talking to you as well, dads. I took a 9 month maternity leave for my first child and a 7 month leave for my second. My husband took 3 months off for our daughter and is planning to take a full year for our son. It made the world of difference in the relationships with our children. Money have been tight at times and we had to cut unnecessary expenses, but it was all worth it. Being a stay-at-home parent is against my nature – I know, awful mother – but I don’t regret it. It was essential to really get to know my children and build our relationship. I could breastfeed my daughter until she was one and I don’t think I would have succeed if I had to go back to work sooner. My son was adopted from India and our months together were crucial to build attachment and adapt to the new reality of the family. Again, this is not the right time to worry about your career.

Use any activity to engage with your children

Kids – at least small children – just want to be with us. They think we’re awesome! I used to think shared time meant kids activities. I put effort into planning playdates or finding children events to bring my daughter to. I reached a point where every weekend was a never-ending tour around town, jumping from art workshops to music classes. It was not sustainable, neither for me nor for my girl. I matured my views and found a better balance. We still go to events sometime, but I especially make the most out of daily chores and errands. When I need to go grocery shopping, we go together. They help me put food in the cart and later, help me put it away at home. Sometime I print a shopping list with figures, so that they can read it out for me at the shop. We do similar games with laundry folding, and loading the washing machine or the dishwasher. When I need to clean, they “help” me. This slows down everything, but we are sharing time. It takes a bit of imagination, but you can involve kids in a lot of your daily activities and they’ll be happy.

Use the screen power wisely

We have strict rules for our kids’ screen time, only exception being when we fly or when one is sick at home. Watching tv or playing a videogame can be a shared activity, but it’s no good when it’s a tool to hypnotise the kids. And it’s just so easy to get used to have the children still and silent (I’m sympathetic!).
There’s another aspect you should consider. It’s your screen time. I came to realise I was using my smartphone as a small mental fix. Kids were claiming my time and attention, and I used to “just check something” on my phone several times a day while I was with them. It was an unsuccessful practice to claim back my time. In practice, it was sending the message I wasn’t enjoying my time with them.

Find your own way, be no martyr

After this post, maybe you are thinking I’m one of those mothers who are in a constant ecstatic state while with their children. Believe me, this couldn’t be further from truth. I love my children, but it took work and experience to enjoy the time I spend with them. For instance, I found out I hate playing make-believe. When my daughter asks me to play with dolls or figurines, I say no nine out of ten times. Every minute is torture for me. On the other hand, I’m a great reader, I like doing crafts, and playing boardgames. I think it’s fair that our kids learn who we are, what we like and don’t like. It’s a healthy lesson on relationship building.

Turns out I’m an artist. Or, I simply like to make a mess.

The more time you’ll spend with your kids, the more you’ll build your portfolio of shared activities, based on what you both like and your energy levels. With my daughter, I have a couple of low-effort activities I use when I’m in no mood to engage in play (book colouring and baking with a cake mix, if you are looking for ideas).

I cannot stress enough how time with your kids is important. In the developing and growing years, you are your children’s best teacher (no pressure). As a perk, playing with kids allows you to be a bit of a kid yourself. And let’s admit it, it’s nice to take a break from adulting here and there.

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