My husband and I were born and raised in Italy, then moved to Finland several years ago. We have a daughter through birth and a couple of years ago our son joined the family through international adoption from India. You can read our full adoption story here and a summary of how the adoption process works in Finland here and here.

I received so many interesting questions! I will surely repeat this initiative in the future. You are also welcome to forward any question you have through my contact form. I have answered to the best of my knowledge. Here’s what you asked me.

How long is the adoption process?

The length of the adoption process varies depends on where you live, where you adopt from, if you adopt domestically or internationally. Plus, there’s always a degree of uncertainty.
Here in Finland, the counselling phase is common to both domestic and international adoptions and lasts about a year. After that, it varies greatly, from months to years. I think 5 years overall is a credible expectation.

How long was your process, from applying to seeing your beautiful son?

We were lucky, as our whole process lasted exactly 3 years. Ironically, counselling and permit issuing by the Finnish authorities was the longest part. We sent our documentation to India in March 2016 and got matched already in August 2016! Our agency said they never witnessed such a quick process. A consistent portion of bureaucracy on the Indian side takes place only after the match, so we had to wait until February 2017 before we were able to travel and meet our son E. The longest months of my life!

How old was your daughter when you decided to adopt?

Our daughter R was exactly one year old when I made the first phone call to social services and asked to start counselling (literally, the next day after her birthday!). My husband and I had made a decision few months earlier but the municipality forbid us to start before she had turned one.

We are also expats living in Finland but will be most likely moving away within 2 years time. Do you think we have a chance in the adoption process? We already have 1 child.

Impossible is a strong word, but I’d say it’s extremely unlikely to succeed in a situation like this. While adoption counselling is free, you will be requested many documents which, as foreigners, you’ll be required to officially translate at your own expenses. It will be time- and money-consuming. The counselling and the application for the adoption license will last over a year, then it’s extremely hard for an international adoption to carry out in less than a year. You would surely lose hundreds or thousands of euros. Beside that, expecting to move away in a short time may have a negative impact on your application for the adoption license. Personally, I would recommend to start an adoption process in your new country of residence or change your plans for a move. Sorry if my answer is discouraging, but that’s my honest advice.

Can I adopt my sister’s daughter? What is the procedure?

I am not familiar with Finnish laws regulating such a situation and if the child lives in another country than you, there may be additional legal obstacles. I would recommend to contact your local social services or ask for legal advice. Sorry I cannot help much.

Did you have to go to India to adopt the child?

The adoption process took place entirely in Finland, with the agency Interpedia acting as an intermediary. We travelled to India to meet and pick up our son, months after we were matched with him. Adopting from India requires at least a trip, sometime a couple if the judge ruling on the adoption requests the parents’ presence.
Other countries have different requirements. For example, Kenya demands that adoptive parents move there for several months.

How does it work with not being Finnish or even EU? In my home country both must be a citizen to adopt but it couldn’t find information about how it is here.

Requirements for EU or non-EU citizens are the same in the Finnish system, that is, foreign adoption applicants need to have habitual residence in Finland. I could not find out what that exactly means in Finland. I recommend to contact your local social services to see if you qualify for counselling.

Have you experienced some sort of pity from friends, family or someone? Have you had to justify your choice of adopting to anyone (but the social worker)? My husband and I are in the process of adopting and I feel like I have to share my life story every time someone finds out about it. I feel like people don’t believe me when I say this is my number one ‘plan’. They keep suggesting fertility treatments and ‘just relaxing’, and raise their eyebrows when I say my husband feels the same way I do. I guess my question is: will this end once the child is here? Do I still have to listen to the opinions of others about how ‘a biological child would have been a better option for us.’

It must be painful and discouraging to feel that your immediate friends and family do not support your choice. There are many layers to your question and I feel you could benefit from a heart-to-heart discussion more than a Q&A. Here’s my two cents:

• you don’t own explanations to anyone. Even family members. Your reasons and your story are yours only and you have a right to treasure them. This is training for you and your husband to when the child will come home, since unfortunately you will be met with inappropriate questions about her history or special needs. As parents, you will become guardians to her story and whatever you learn now in terms of fending off questions will come handy later. There are several ways to deny answers or dodge questions politely.
• Find people who truly support you. Friends and family can disappoint us. It may have to do with many factors. Maybe they expected something else for us (but it’s their problem, not yours). Maybe they have heard adoption or adoptive parenting is hard, they are worried for our well-being but express it in the wrong way. Or maybe they simply don’t understand it or lack empathy. I have heard multiple stories of family members coming around when the child came home and even growing to be the best advocates for her and for adoption. My general advice is to find people and communities that truly support you during each phase, and have patience and hope that the people who matter to you will grow out of their own fears or ignorance to come and help.
• Adoption is a complex journey. Adoption and adoptive parenting, in my own experience and hear-say, will bring as many challenges as beautiful changes to your life. It’s not uncommon to lose people who don’t support your choices along the way. It’s a terribly lonely journey at times or, more accurately, your expectations about who supports you will be refactored. For example, few friends may really understand the challenges of the adoption process or of adoptive parenting. They may shut down your worries with “this is just how children are” while you know this is how effects of childhood trauma are. Or your parents will struggle to understand their grandchild have attachment issues. Adoption is not simply having a child. Work hard to keep your expectations low and your resilience up!

I hope this helps, feel free to reach out if I can help more.

[translated from FIN] How much does the international adoption process cost? What monetary costs should I expect?

Excellent question, one which is rarely discussed because people are afraid to put a price tag on their children. Adoption counselling is free, but it requires a time investment and, if you are an immigrant like myself, translations costs. You will be required to meet a social worker about 10 times over a year, which means time off work. Documents required may include you visiting public offices and, potentially, official translations to Finnish language. Like you mention, the international adoption part is expensive. Kela (The Social Insurance Institution in Finland) reimburses a good deal when the child comes home. Without counting the grant in, you should expect to pay between 10- and 25 000 euros over then span of 1-5 years. This includes everything: the trip(s) to the child’s country, translations, adoption agency fees, and so on. Again, add time taken off work for info sessions or meeting the agency contact person.
Finnish law forbids to set up private fundraising, but one can consider asking the bank for a loan.

I hope this has helped easing some burning curiosity. Adoption is complicated, nevertheless is one broken but beautiful way to become a family. This Q&A was fun, let’s do it again.

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JOY #1: connecting with the welcoming Indian community

Adopting our son allowed us to connect with the local Indian community. Indian people living in Finland proved to be some of the most warm-hearted people I ever met. Whenever I had questions about Indian culture, food or simply about caring for my boy, they were there. I was warmly welcomed in all groups they have started here. I even made new friends. Two ladies borrowed or bought us books from India to allow us to teach our son about his birth country. We received multiple spontaneous offers about teaching our son Hindi. I am humbled and moved about how this community welcomed us with enthusiasm and open hearts. They embraced us from day one without holding back. This is one of the many joys our son brought to our life and for that I am very grateful

JOY #2: witnessing my kids’ sibling relationship

Probably my greatest joy is witnessing my children’s sibling relationship develop and thrive beyond any blood tie. They were both quite young when our son joined the family through adoption and they accepted each other right away. They are different, yet very compatible. They are close and take care of each other. They struggle when they are separated. The power of their bond goes beyond any of my expectations. When I watch them playing, reading books to each other, having deep conversations at bedtime, I can see with clear simplicity how we were all meant for each other. They truly don’t care how they became family: they simply know they are.

JOY #3: opening my heart and mind to love, connection, and empathy

When my son joined the family, he was longing for love, connection, and belonging. I was a mother already and I assumed I was prepared. I was not. The first 18 months were really challenging. They were also terribly enriching. Quoting a fellow adoptive mum, my son shaped me in the mother he needed me to be. He forced me to open my heart and mind to what love and connection really mean. I learned to value them also in my own life. The day-to-day was not as spontaneous as I expected and that taught me to be grateful of every little conquest. Before meeting him I was living in a world of fast and easy. He invited me to take a break and welcome life in all its colours and shades. I would be lying if I’d say it was a pain free transition, but I would never go back to my old self.

JOY #4: working on our couple relationships

Another gift our son brought to our life was encouraging us to work on our couple relationship. The parenting struggles we faced in the first months put us in a spot where we had to make sure we were solid as a couple. This was work we unconsciously had put off for years after our daughter was born. Our son was clear in laying out what he requested of us. It was clear we couldn’t comply and be the parents he deserved until we would find balance for ourselves. Now it was time to act.
It wasn’t easy and we asked for help in many ways, but we got there. Kids bring upsetting changes to couple life, but also great motivation to make it all work. I don’t think we would have done the same with a pregnancy and a biological child. The long process, the fight to get to hold our son, the struggles of adoptive parenting were all unique features to adoption.
It was hard work, but I never thought I could be as happy as I am now.

JOY #5: finding my tribe

Adoption from the adoptive parents’ perspective is tough. The process itself is very demanding, no matter what country you live in or what kind of adoption you are pursuing. Here in Finland, it takes several years. Bureaucracy you didn’t even know could exist and long silent waits. Then there’s the after placement, another set of challenges. Nothing can prepare to having to parent a child who has experienced trauma.
I found incredible support in the adoptive parents’ community. I met many online in Facebook groups, Instagram, and Twitter. I got to know and meet also several here in Finland. The experiences we shared were so strong that no one held back when asked for help. I had intimate discussions with perfect strangers who simply “got it” and could understand what we were going through. I never experienced this kind of compassion and connection when I had my biological daughter.

JOY #6: discovering and embracing a new culture

Adoption connected us to India and its culture. As expats, we already had a multicultural family before adopting our son. Adding Indian culture to the mix, just brought in more fun and experiences. We are constantly learning new aspects of Indian culture, tradition, and history. My husband and I now love to watch documentaries on India or Indian movies (there’s not just Bollywood!). We grew to love Indian food and cook it regularly at home. We celebrate Diwali, Rakhi, Holi every year. It’s more than curiosity: a piece of our hearts belongs to India now.
During the process, we always repeated we never intended to cut our child’s roots: we hoped to expand them and include his birth culture into our family. Given our own origins, we knew how important that factor was in his identity. I didn’t expect to grow so involved, though. I find myself eager to learn more about India and Indian customs. I feel a deep connection to that far away colourful country. We found out as Italians we share so much with Indian people: family first, respect for tradition, warm and passionate personality, indomitable creativity. We discovered so much about ourselves by mirroring into another culture.

JOY #7: learning about the power of love

Many adopted children show delays due to the hard circumstances they had to spend their first months or years in. Our son was well-cared for, but nothing can replace the exclusive care of parents. He was tiny, spoke few words, struggled with attachment and affection. I always thought children mostly needed to be fed and cleaned, but love, care, and affection are as crucial as food. I learned how connection is fundamental for human beings when I observed how children struggle when they are deprived of it.
My son taught me how powerful love can be. After a couple of months, he could speak 30 words in Italian. He grew 10 cm taller in a year and his body gained muscles. He became less goofy and developed fine motor skills. He learned how to cuddle and enjoy physical proximity – something I took for granted in children before, it’s not!
Love is what allows us to thrive. The longing for connection drives a lot of our actions. I’ve started to use this concept as a lens to observe others. I could notice it in my behaviour, my husband’s, even my colleagues’. Suffering for lack of intimacy in a marriage, for missing validation or feedback on the workplace, attacking others out of fear, are all proof of how belonging and connecting with others is a basic need of human beings. In the end, a matter of survival.
I call this a joy from adoption because it completely changed how I look at life. It shaped my relationships, taught me compassion, validated my needs and those of the people close to me. Watching our son thrive under our care also taught me a great lot about hope and power of love.
Love doesn’t conquer all. Love isn’t enough to mend every situation. Nevertheless, love paired with time can achieve a great deal, change lives, change the world.

Do you want to know more about adoption in Finland? Check out these posts:
International adoption in Finland, how does it work?
How I came to appreciate the Finnish adoption system
Our adoption story, chapter I
If you want to connect with other adoptive families in Finland, join the Finnish association of adoptive families (Adoptioperheet ry) or our English-speaking support group.

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When my husband and I moved from Italy to Finland over seven years ago, little did we know our journey would lead us further to India through the adventure of international adoption.

We both were born and raised near Bologna, Italy. We had a chance to leave our home country and come live in the family-friendly Finland, and we grabbed it with no hesitation. Life was stressful in Italy and I felt out of place. After landing in Finland, my first instinct was to shake off my Italian identity, start from scratch, and focus on integrating in my new home country.

In 2013, our daughter was born and the need of teaching her Italian as a second language forced us close again to the local Italian expat community. Through my daughter’s eyes, I got to live again what it meant to be Italian and learned to be proud of it. Ironically, I became even more Italian than I used to be in Italy. Sometime, as I felt rejected, excluded, different or confused, it gives me a primitive comfort to go back to my roots. That’s the power birth culture can have on our souls.

E and R cuddling our guinea pigs.

When our girl turned one, we started the adoption process. By that time, we felt confident with our multicultural family identity and we sincerely believed in not severing our adopted child’s roots, but in including his heritage into our family. We committed to not changing his birth name, to learning the ways of his country, and to including some of its traditions into our daily family life.

Life led us to India as our adoption country. In a short time, we were matched to a perfect one year-old boy. In the months prior to our trip, I attended Indian cooking courses, connected with Indian families living in Finland, and tried to learn as much as I could about the wonderful country India is. During the past years, the Indian community in Finland has welcomed my family with open hearts. One Indian lady brought us children’s books from India; another friend curry leaves from her mother’s tree in Bangalore; an Indian colleague regularly advises me on festivals and traditions; fellow Indian mothers taught me how to care for my child’s hair and skin, how to cook Masala Dosa or celebrate Rakhi. I was afraid cultivating three cultures would set us apart, instead it opened the door into a wider community for us.

As expats ourselves, we strongly believe in the shaping force that languages and cultural heritages have. As adoptive parents, we honor the responsibility of cultivating our child’s roots. By embracing his cultural background, we are teaching him that diversity is something to value and not hide or suffocate in homogeneity. We were privileged, as our own experience taught us to appreciate it. Our son added this invaluable richness to our lives and we cannot be but deeply thankful.

***
If you liked this post, you may enjoy also:
Our adoption story, chapter I
I am a culture juggler
The joy in adoption #adoptionilo

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Adoption completed our family

I gained a son. Only four words that mean an entire universe. I welcomed a new person, which I am supposed to nurture, teach to, love, like, listen to, and so much more. A little one who demanded everything from me, like children do. I am watching him grow. I witness him struggle with challenges and try, try, try, until he overcomes them. I observe him as he builds language, word my word, if not sillabe by sillabe, to communicate with me. To shout “I’m angry” or tell me I don’t need makeup to be beautiful (get ready girls, this one’s a player). To tell me how he feels and what he thinks. I helped him build that. I get to watch him sleep peacefully or calm him down if he’s having a nightmare (cursing between my teeth, sure, but also enjoying the exclusivity of being one of two only who can soothe him).
My daughter gained a brother. She was made to be a big sister. I can see how much she enjoys her brother’s company and complicity, and how much she’s learning from their relationship. He filled our lives. We were happy before he came, but cannot be happy without him anymore.

Adoption made me a supermom…

…by making me fail. Bad. I was already a mother when E joined our family. I was ready, right? Weaaaah. This may have happened with a natural child as well, but I have learned much more about parenting in the past year than in the previous four. As anything you conquer with sweat and blood, I am proud of my small achievements and more at peace with my limitations. It may sound illogical, but I feel much stronger now that I am aware of what I cannot or I don’t want to do. In addition, I feel now I am facing challenges most of my fellow parents simply do not understand, which in turns makes me feel entitled to mark as rubbish most of the advice I receive from them. It’s a bit sad and lonely, but also works miracles against mom guilt.

Adoption opened my eyes… and heart

Adoption originates from loss. I knew that, but I fully realised the depth of that after placement and after learning more about trauma. I have learned to place my joy side by side with this awareness. Before E came into my life, I had been lucky enough to never have to live with grief or, more in general, with anything I simply had to accept. I have always been a black or white kind of person and adoption forced me for the first time in my life to accept grey. I am grateful for that and I think it has made me a more complete human being.

Adoption enriched our family of one extra culture

Being a multicultural family already, we were aware of how crucial cultural heritage is. Traditions, food, language. Through adoption we welcomed a third culture into our family and we feel motivated to constantly learn about it. I am proud to call us an Italian-Finnish-Indian family!

Adoption presented me with challenges I didn’t see coming, but also changed me and my life in ways I’m grateful for. I feel it as privilege and a huge responsibility to be E’s mother. Flashback to few years ago, when we were torn in the waiting phase of the adoption process, and some cheeky ones asked us “why don’t you have another child yourselves instead?”. This. This is why.

If you want to read our adoption story, you can start from here. If you want to know more about adopting in Finland you can read:
International adoption in Finland, how does it work?
How I came to appreciate the Finnish adoption system

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R and I enjoying the Finnish winter (2016).

I don’t want to sound dramatic, but according to my experience and my friends’, that’s more or less how it feels for everyone . I accepted this condition of constant discomfort because my choice of moving abroad has always been an investment for my family. I have zero regrets, as I am aware that I would not be able to enjoy the current high-quality of life, had I stayed in Italy. I keep saying that I would have not been a mother at all there. Some days, I hate it though. When I feel cornered by my inadequate language skills or when I realise my opportunities are limited or that I have to work so hard to network or connect with locals, I feel less than the person that I can be.

R, summer 2015.

When we were going through the adoption counselling phase and a social worker was screening us to write our home study, for the first time I felt powerful about being an expat. We were going to adopt internationally and I believed I had great tools to empathise with a child coming from a different culture. Even though my experience of moving and getting acquainted with a new reality was obviously not comparable to the traumatic change of an adopted child, I could hint at what it feels like to be immersed in  the unknown. I am aware of how stressful it is to be surrounded for hours at a time by people who speak a language you don’t understand, without any escape from the situation. And I appreciate the feeling of finding solace and comfort in your past history and your birth culture.

Me, playing with R and E, days after placement. India, 2017.

Adopting as expats has its downsides. Networking with other adoptive families or actively participating in the local adoption community has proven harder than expected, most likely because of language barrier. We are, even more now, part of an invisible minority. However, thanks to my son I have been able to see my own experience under new eyes and I felt lucky of having these superpowers to understand him better. As it often happens, life has proven that my vulnerability can be one of my most powerful strengths.

The post How being an expat made me a better adoptive parent appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

I was at work when the social worker called me to announce the Indian Court has ruled the E. was our son. I started crying in the office phone boot. I charged myself with weeks of stress for the wait and I could finally release it. First, I called my husband and quite hysterically deliver the good news. Then I started calling the grandparents, who had just left from visiting us for Christmas. I just couldn’t keep it to myself and started blabbering about it with any colleague who crossed my path. Oh my god, that meant the trip was close, that meant I was about to have another child for real – here, panic set it for a good half hour, I’m not reaaadyyy! That day, when I picked R. up from daycare, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I ran to her and told her that finally the judge had said yes and we could go pick up her brother! (By the way, that poor judge was earlier blamed for having her taking the blood and urine tests. I feel guilty about that, but try go and explain it to a three year old.)

That night, my attitude to my husband was sort of “have you booked the flight already?”. I said it, I am not good at waiting. We put everything we could in motion and after the green light from the adoption agency we were ready to go. We left Finland on February 17th, 2017, to go meet our son. Few days afterwards, we were at his children’s home to pick him up.

E. and R. meet for the very first time.

When you read about adoption journeys online, people stop telling their story at the gotcha day. To me, this feels when the journey really starts. Before August 2016, everything was existing only in my head. It was a possibility, something that could happen, or still could not, and being forced to change the adoption country had proven that to me. In the limbo between the match and the gotcha day, it all started growing in my heart, but I was still keeping myself a little detached, because I knew something could still go wrong. Then the real adventure began. At first, it was a traumatised child who clearly felt we were kidnapping him. Then, a confused toddler who all of sudden was taken care of from complete strangers. Day after day, a blooming wonderful child who was accepting us in his life, allowing us to love him and believing in us. And I’m aware none of this is for granted in an adoption, and that makes me grateful every single day. It’s been eight months since he came living with us. Seems like a lifetime, seems like the blink of an eye. I am tired and some days I am discouraged, but I am madly in love with my little guy. I am grateful for everything he’s giving me, I am proud of everything he’s learned in such a short period, and how well he’s adapting to his new life. I am proud of the teacher he is to me, showing me how much I can learn as a parent and as an individual. And I am happy to share our lifelong journey together.

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The wait to get our home-study approved seemed endless. After few weeks, we got a request of additional information and we grew even more impatient. Christmas 2015 came and went without us hearing any news. Then, right after the holidays, we received the letter in the mail: we had been approved! While waiting, we had made contact with the adoption agency we had chosen. We were hoping for South Africa as adoption country, since it was one of the few our family would qualify for and we really wanted to work with that agency, which we heard good reviews about. When we got Valvira’s letter, we were ready to get into the queue. Our enthusiasm didn’t last long and right at the start of the spring we were contacted by the agency, which communicated that their contact in South Africa had decided to suspend their collaboration. We were told we needed to choose another country or change our provider altogether. As the agency had plans to shut in few years, they didn’t want to invest resources in establishing new contacts. After the initial disappointment, our thoughts ran to the families who had been queuing for longer than us, some even a couple of years. I was mad for myself, but even angrier for them. I hope they got at the top of their new queue, at least.

R. and a friend, summer of 2016. We had just been approved by CARA and were waiting for a match.

We didn’t qualify for any other country coordinated by the agency and resolved to contact another one. We approached them with open mind, asking for their advice about which country was most suitable for our family situation and choice fell on India. I remember it took me few days to get over the idea of changing the country, even though I had no particular ties to South Africa. I had always tried not to influence my expectations, but couldn’t help to picture myself with an African kid in my arms, and changing country made me feel like I was losing that imaginary child. Weird tricks of the mind, I guess.

After taking few days to discuss it, we called the agency back in May 2016 and said yes, let’s do it. A huge rush started to get the final paperwork done. India required that our family took some medical tests – including a blood test for R., just awful to witness -, we had to fill several forms, get three recommendation letters from friends, and obtain some more official documents, which is never easy for us, since we also need to deal with Italian authorities. We funded our translator’s summer vacation for sure. Most importantly, we had to fill the special needs form. We had spent months over it, researching each condition, trying to make ourselves aware of the spectrum of possibilities, and picturing how daily life would be with a child having each special need. I felt we had been open, but realistic. Indian people are very keen on adopting children and only kids with special needs make it to the stage of being eligible for international adoption, we were told.

Adoption in India works through a nationwide database. The agency enters the family data, along with some required documents. Then the Indian adoption authority CARA approves or rejects the family. If a family is approved, their local agency can access a list of possible matches – filtered by the special needs the family is willing to accept – and can select one. If the family accepts the referral, the “real” adoption process can start and takes several months, if not years, until gotcha day. This, at least, is the system in Finland. After the agency entered our data in the system, we set ourselves ready to wait a couple of months before getting CARA’s good-to-go. But a small miracle happened and we were approved in ten days! On the same day, the agency spotted the referral of our E.. I don’t believe in destiny, but that really seemed something like it.

When I saw his picture for the first time, my heart stopped.

We were officially matched at the start of August 2016. Again, after another rush to get documents, a potentially long wait started. We were told nothing would happen before months. Even though it didn’t turn out to be very long, this was the hardest wait we faced. Knowing who our son was and feeling him so far away was close to unbearable. We found some comfort in knowing he was living is a really good facility, which even had a Facebook page we could follow, and videos on Youtube. Still, I missed him so much. I was just so ready to become his mother.

In the meantime, we were worried by another bureaucratic aspect of the whole thing: how to bring him home when we would travel to India? If one of us had been a Finnish citizen, the process would have been easy, E. would become a Finnish citizen automatically and could enter Finland as such. If that was not the case, Italian citizenship was not as fast and simple to obtain and we were worried we would have to fill visa applications to bring him home. We were ahead of this issue and I had started my citizenship application in April 2016. However, everything seemed stuck with that and I was worried I would not get it in time. Again, our luck stroke and right before Christmas 2016, we got a letter: I and R. were now Finnish citizens! Another weight was lifted from our hearts.

Exactly one year had passed from our approval. It was Christmas again and I grew  nostalgic, as we were not able to celebrate it as a whole family. As I was just pondering this, an Indian judge was ruling in favour of our adoption. India had trusted us with one of her sons.

(continues…)

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General advice

Based on my visit, I can share some general advice to make your visit with children more comfortable.

• Choose a baby carrier over a stroller, if possible. Indian cities, Delhi especially, are very crowded and not stroller-friendly. If you really need a stroller, choose one which folds in a compact way, you’ll be glad you did when you’ll use a rickshaw.
• Rickshaw VS Uber. The first is easier and quicker to find, more typical, quicker in traffic, and cheaper. The latter is easier to pay (no cash needed), usually more comfortable (ex. air conditioning), and generally safer. We used both services, depending on how long our ride was or if we had cash. In any case, I recommend you try the rickshaw at least once while in India, it’s quite an experience!

Rickshaws: quite an adventure! Picture from www.traveladventures.org/

• Be prepared to negotiate any price or fee. If you are white, they’ll aim high with the initial offer. You can ask your hotel staff for estimates, especially for rickshaw rides. I have the feeling that anyway you’ll end up paying more than a local, but it can make a huge difference if you know the real value.
• Indian cuisine is spicy. They don’t cook differently for their children and their bland is still spicy for the Western palate. As an adult, you should try their authentic food, but children are not adventurous with food. Make sure you underline well you want super bland food for them.
• Sometime, you’ll need to cover your eyes. It was quite hard for me to ride on a Uber car, hold my adopted Indian child on my lap, and at the same time witness half-naked thin and sick same age children on the side of the road or knocking on my car window. My daughter asked questions. I don’t want to upset you, but that’s a face of India you’ll see during your trip.

Best places for kids

Children’s park

India Gate, Nuova Delhi, Delhi 110001, India
A nice outdoor park with a huge playground, a small acquarium and a musical fountain. Ideal for picnics as well. Closed on Mondays, open at 9-19:30 on other days. Free entrance (not for granted in Indian parks!). Public toilets are situated in the park. About 200 m away, there are the excellent restaurants Gulati and Have More (see restaurant section).

Worlds of Wonder

www.worldsofwonder.in
Plot No. A2, Sector 38A, Behind The Great India Palace Mall, Entertainment City, Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201301, India
Great amusement park! Free entrance for kids < 90 cm, but limited choice of attractions for them. There are a dosa restaurant and a Mc Donald inside, plus small food stands for snacks. Just outside the park, there are several big malls if you want to do some shopping.

Funky Lil Munchkins

15, Kaushalya Park, Chowdary Dileep Singh Marg, Hauz Khas, New Delhi, Delhi 110016, India
Indoor park. It’s small but good for a couple of hours of fun. There is a small cafe inside. Beware, socks are compulsory, for adults as well. Excellent entertainment for 1 to 5 year old kids.

National Zoological Park

www.nzpnewdelhi.gov.in
Mathura Road, Near Purana Quila, Sundar Nagar, Delhi 110003, India
Great zoo, with tigers, elephants, and much more. Only baby food is allowed inside, but there are some food stands to buy snacks. Buy the ticket for the mini-bus, it’s very cheap and spares some walking, as the place is huge.

Nehru Park

Vinay Marg, Chanakyapuri, Ramnagar, Chanakyapuri, New Delhi, Delhi 110023, India
Great and peaceful park for a stroll and for letting kids run, but there is no playground. Situated near many embassy buildings.

Lodhi Gardens

Lodhi Rd, Lodhi Gardens, Lodhi Estate, New Delhi, Delhi 110003, India
Beautiful and wide park, with monuments inside. No playground, but wide spaces to run and a great place for a picnic. There’s a nice restaurant (Lodi – The Garden Restaurant) just outside the park.

National Rail Museum

Ashok Vihar, Chanakyapuri, Nuova Delhi, Delhi 110021, India
Great place with kids! Make sure to buy the ticket for the Joy Train rides at the entrance (only place where they sell them). There are several real trains on display and an interactive and rich museum. Small playground in the courtyard and a musical fountain. The Joy Train brings visitors around the display, for the joy of kids. There is a restaurant in the museum, but selling only spicy food and they accept only cash. Yap, we had to split so that my husband could rush to an ATM to pay for our lunch.

Eating out

Amici Cafe

8, Defence Colony, Main Market, New Delhi, Delhi 110024, India
Italian restaurant with great Italian pizza and non-spicy food for kids (pasta, pizza, hamburgers). In the same market, there are some grocery shops and pharmacies.

Veg Gulati

Shop No. 8, Pandara Road Market, New Delhi, Delhi 110003, India
Indian restaurant with a great buffet for about 10 euros. Happy to accomodate kids taste. Near the Children’s park.

Have More

11-12, Market, Pandara Road Market, New Delhi, Delhi 110003, India
Indian restaurant, children friendly. Near the Children’s park.

Shopping

Ambience Mall

Plot No. 2, Nelson Mandela Marg, Vasant Kunj, Vasant Kunj II, Vasant Kunj, New Delhi, Delhi 110070, India
Huge mall (for Finnish standards :D), with a small playground (bring socks!) and a nice food court. Good for everyday-clothes shopping (ex. Pantaloons) or grocery shopping.

Dilli Haat

Sri Aurobindo Marg, Laxmi Bai Nagar, New Delhi, Delhi 110023, India
Market where Indian artisans sell their products. Be prepared to bargain. Great for gift shopping.

Khan market

46, Khan Market Rd, Rabindra Nagar, New Delhi, Delhi 110003, India
Several shops, of all kinds. Some more pricey than others. Great food options, both for lunch and snacks. There are some photography shops where one can take passport pictures.

Whatever you’ll decide to visit, Delhi is a wonderful city. You will not get bored and I hope my suggestions will help you appreciate the place with your kids. Did you find this guide useful? Let me know down in the comments. If you know someone adopting from India, share this post with them. I would be happy to know it helped some fellow adoptive family. Thanks for reading, until next time!

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When we finally started the adoption counselling phase in May 2014, we didn’t know it would last over one and a half year. We were assigned to a young social worker. One of the first topics to come up was “Why do you want to adopt a child?”. We were young, with no fertility issues, and no religious motivation, and she was puzzled – or pretended to be to get a sincere reaction, I wondered later. Truth was, we didn’t have a fully logical motivation we could put in words. Sure, we did ponder the matter from the practical point of view: do we feel capable of loving and caring for an adopted child? Can we afford an adoption? What if the child has special needs? Would one of us be ready to become a stay-at-home parent, if needed? What impact would this have on our daughter R.? However, the force pushing us towards the idea of adopting was not rational. We felt it more as a calling.

Everyone says love is the spring of the wish to grow a family. People want a child because they feel they have so much love to give, like they cannot contain it anymore. That’s what we felt and, frankly, the fact that we wouldn’t share our genetic information with such child didn’t matter at all. And I don’t meant it in the way “it’s not that important”, but really didn’t have any weight at all. Being genetically related to our child was not ground to question our capacity and willingness to love and care for her. Now, I don’t blame you, if you don’t feel the same. I was also prepared to the idea to having to grow such love for an adopted child, instead of feeling it from the moment we met as it happened with R. – well, biology. My husband and I were in a lucky spot, if you will. We were already parents, which meant we already stopped living centered on ourselves and were aware what it meant to fully focus on someone else and to love unconditionally. We are not religious but we both have a deep belief into what family is and means, and we put it first no matter what. We are very idealistic about it, mostly due to our Italian roots, I guess. We also both believe that every child deserves the same opportunities, which is far from real in this world. We advocated for this through charity and volunteering for years. All this pushed us strongly towards this adventure together.

When we were asked directly, we could not give brilliant answers. At first, we replied we wanted to give love and opportunities to a child in need. The social worker kept pushing, up to the point of saying things like “Why won’t you have your own child, instead of adopting one?”. That question hurt. I recall getting angry inside and thinking, “This child is no plan B, this child is our freaking plan A!“. It’s weird to get defensive about someone who lives only in your mind, someone who – now I know – wasn’t even born back then. I wonder if that social worker was just playing mind games to get honesty out of us. After few meetings, she came out saying charity was not a good motivation to adopt, to which we were shocked and replied that it was not charity for us, we were trying to grow our family and felt we could do this, and wanted to.

The meetings went on, much less frequent than we were hoping for. Sometime three months would go in between two appointments. We were given homework, we were asked about every possible detail of our life, values, relationships. I remember sometime I had to call several times to fix the next meeting, I felt impatient and restless, like an animal in a cage. The whole time, I knew the following phase most likely involved years of waiting, and I couldn’t understand why we couldn’t speed up this part one a little. I was thinking of couples who had already to wait years of infertility and I hoped they were not getting the same treatment. After being pushy to the point of feeling we were fighting against the world for this child, the meetings were over and we got our home-study sent for approaval at the start of fall of 2015.

(continues…)

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R. right after turning one.

Our story started when R., our biological daughter, was almost 1 year old. I cannot recall how we began the conversation, but we found ourselves talking about adopting our second child. The reason was simple, even naive if you want: there are many kids in need of a family and we want to do something about it. Personally, I knew myself enough to be sure love would have not been an issue. Maybe it would need to grow in time, but I knew how open I am about loving kids. We kept talking about the idea and basically could not find any excuse not to do it. Our family was stable and happy, we both had good jobs, and living in Finland provided us with great services to raise kids. We were sure our families and friends would have been a great support network and more than happy to welcome an adoptive child. Well, we went for it.

We knew the process would take a long time, potentially years, so we got on the move right away. A couple of months before R. turned one, I called the social services of my town, which are supposed to handle the initial phase of adoption. When I shortly illustrated our situation, they stopped me right there: your first child is too young, call when she’s turned one. I was confused, but we had communication barriers – they were only speaking Finnish – and we were only two months away from her birthday, so I did as I was told and waited. On the day after her birthday – I am not good at waiting – I called again and with great language difficulties I explained we were ready to start the process. The lady on the other side of the telephone commented it was impossible, they didn’t have English-speaking social workers and they could not provide us with the adoption counselling service to start the adoption process. I was not read to give up our plans to a language barrier. Thanks to the assistance of a Finnish-speaking government officer, we were allowed to start the counselling through Save The Children. In mid-May of 2014, about 5 months after I started making phone-calls, we finally began the adoption counselling phase.

[continues…]

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