• come back and check what’s new
• flag me if you have any information or news that should be included (comment below or send me a message).

An overview

The events

According to recent news, the Vastaamo data breach first happened in November 2018. A second breach took place in March 2019. It is unknown if the same hackers’ group was responsible for both events. The crime affected thousands (possibly tens of thousands, as the centre had stored information of over 40 000 customers). Stolen data includes personal information (full names, addresses, and, most importantly, social security numbers) as well as sensitive information (the content of the psychotherapy sessions).

In October 2020, hackers demanded a ransom of about half a million euros in bitcoins from Vastaamo. Few days after this piece of news went public, individual victims started receiving threats via email: email messages show their social security number in clear and they are asked for a ransom of few hundreds euros.

What information have been stolen?

According the Vastaamo’s comments, hackers have stolen personal information like full names, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, as well as social security numbers of patients. In addition, they have stolen therapists’ and doctors’ notes, meaning a summary of the content of the therapy sessions. Hackers have not stolen: credit card numbers, video recordings of virtual sessions.

If you are a victim of the Vastaamo data breach, you have a right to know what information were compromised. You can fill this form and send it to Vastaamo ([email protected]).

The risks

It is hard to calculate all ramifications of the Vastaamo data breach. Social security numbers are an especially sensitive information in Finland, especially if associated to other personal data like an address. They are also permanent information associated to an individuals, which means victims will need to “watch their back” potentially all their lives. Authorities have explained that a social security number can be changed only if someone is a victim of continuous harassment or in serious danger (NEW: the government is discussing an exception for the victims of the hack). People can misuse a social security number to ask for credit, loans, stipulate contracts, open businesses, try to access to the victim’s assets, intercept mail, and so on. It really sucks.

Content of sessions can be used to harass, even target victims. Sex predators or pedophiles could acquire these information to target vulnerable people on purpose.

What can you do if you are a victim

First and foremost: do not pay any ransom. At the moment no one knows where the information have circulated (after all, they’ve been in wrong hands for over a year!) and you wouldn’t have any guarantee: let’s not forget these criminals have published sensitive data of minors, so not exactly thieves with a honour code (if there’s such a thing).

• Do not pay a ransom.
• Do not click on any link contained in the message.
• Do not reply to the message or try to communicate with the blackmailer.
• Do not delete the message. Take a screenshot and store it safely as evidence.

The following actions are recommendations of RIKU, a big organisation offering support to victims of crimes and their relatives. The list of action points has been published also by Yle News. I have examined these steps and many of the services listed lack forms, information, and pages in English. I’ll do my best to walk you through and bridge the missing information and resources, complementing with my “hands-on” perspective as an international resident in Finland – this is often missing from official sources.

1. Report the crime to the police

The first step for you is to report the crime to the police. Do not call 112: you need to report the crime online. All forms will be in English, so no need for me there. If you cannot report the crime online, call the police customer service. Attach screenshots of any criminal or suspicious activity. Similarly, if you find out your data is published somewhere, take screenshots and report to the police. The investigation may take years, so have low expectations for resolution. However, it is important to start an official record of what is happening to you as soon as possible.

2. Alert your bank

Contact your bank and alert them your data was stolen. Ask them if they have noticed any suspicious activity and ask them to be on the lookout. Usually banks require strong online authentication, so I think risks are low there. At the same time, their phone customer service asks for personal details to verify identity, so there’s space for human errors. This is why it’s important that your file is clearly marked as at risk of identity theft.
Keep an eye on your transaction activities and if you spot anything suspicious, contact your bank immediately. Review your electronic payments (e-laskut) and consider setting them to a lower threshold or manual approval (and delete the inactive ones).

3. Buy a credit ban

Criminals can try and ask for loans or credit cards in your name. Asking for a credit ban (luottokielto) does not prevent you from requesting credit cards or credit: it simply alerts loan providers to carry out stricter identity verification. A credit ban is valid for 2 years and costs about 15-20 euros. There are only two companies providing this service in Finland: Asiakastieto and Bisnode. You have to request a credit ban from both, because they serve different businesses. Their forms are currently only in Finnish, but Google Translate does the job. I recommend you download Google Chrome and use the plug-in of Google Translate for easy translation. Vastaamo has announced they will reimburse victims who request a credit ban from Asiakastieto (contact Asiakastieto customer service).

4. Protect your mail

Someone might try to intercept your mail or change your physical address information without you knowing. You can prevent that by doing the following. These instructions work both in the OmaPosti app as well as on the browser portal of Posti:

5. Notify the Patent and Registration Office

One of the risks of identity theft is that someone might try to point you as responsible person for a business, an association, or a foundation. This can create issues with your credit as well as your criminal record. To prevent that, you can request a registration ban (rekisteröintikielto) from the corresponding authority PRH. Instructions can be found here, only in Finnish. Don’t worry, these are the steps. Fill this form, print it, sign it, and send it through secure mail to PRH. You can find an unofficial translation of the form here for your understanding.

The ban will not affect your previous roles. For example, if you do have a business, it will not be affected. The ban is valid only for the future and you can revoke it whenever you want.

6. Protect your information in the Population Information System

The Finnish Population Information System is a digital national register that contains basic information about residents of Finland. To prevent unwanted data manipulation, you can set up a series of bans:

• Non-disclosure for customer register update (asiakasrekisterin päivityskielto): your data won’t be disclosed to companies that update their registers (e.g. newspaper publishers). If you move to a different address, you’ll need to update the companies yourself (or lift the ban).
• Non-disclosure for public registers (henkilömatrikkelikielto): your data won’t be disclosed for compilation of public registers (e.g. education institutes).
• Non-disclosure for genealogical research (sukututkimuskielto) (e.g. family searches, academic research on genealogy or genetics).
• Non-disclosure for direct marketing purposes (suoramarkkinointi): your data won’t be disclosed for marketing, market surveys or polls.
• Non-disclosure of contact details (yhteystietojen luovutuskielto): your contact details will never be shared (except for credit repayment and to some authorities like the police).

The system is unfortunately only in Finnish and Swedish, but I’ll walk you through:

• Access the register here;
• click on “Käynnistä tarkastus” (=start the inspection) and safely login with your bank credentials or mobile verification;
• click on “Näytä” (=show) to see your personal data;
• on the top menu, click “Ilmoita itse” (=report yourself);
• on the left menu, click on “Tietojenluovutukiellot” (=information disclosure bans).
• select the bans you want to confirm by ticking the box under the column “lisää kielto” (=add ban);
• send the change (button läheta) and you will be notified via email when the update is complete.

7. Disable Klarna and similar credit services

Klarna requests minimal information to give credit. If such information are in the wrong hands, you cannot use these low threshold credit services safely anymore. Request a deletion of your Klarna account through this form or their customer service.

8. Contact your mobile and phone operators

This piece of instructions was not 100% clear to me. Apparently phone operators like Telia, DNA, or Elisa can disclose your information in some cases (?!). You can contact your phone/mobile operators and ask that:

• your address information is never disclosed;
• any change to your contract(s) has to be done by you in person at one of their contact points;
• they do not disclose any of your personal or contract information.

Similarly (and this comes unofficially from me) I recommend you alert other service providers of this liability, for example your electric energy supplier.

9. Set up Google alerts

So far hackers have published information on the dark web only (and I have no idea how to monitor that, but I know there are companies offering that service). It’s good practice to also monitor the “normal web” and Google can do it for you. Set up some Google alerts to check if your data is published somewhere. Do not write your full social security number in an alert, though! Some suggestions:

• name + surname (e.g. John + Smith)
• name + surname + start of soc. sec. number (e.g. John + Smith + “010180-“)
• name + surname + address street (e.g. John + Smith + Asematie)

You will get an email if any of these information are published and you can be at ease on this one. You can also decide to remove your personal information from Google searches or Bing searches altogether.

10. Power up your personal cybersecurity

It’s the time for you to review and power up your own cybersecurity. Now that your personal information are in wrong hands, it would be tenfold worse if your phone, email address, or bank credentials would be hacked, as they now are the safest way for you to confirm your own identity. Enable a 2-step verification in all relevant services. I also recommend using a password manager like LastPass. Make sure to have different and strong password for all your accounts. Do not share your passwords with anyone, not even your partner (and if you do, change passwords if the relationship ends). Better safe than sorry.

Support

Mental health

There is no doubt the Vastaamo data breach has been one of the most violating experiences. Victims have lost control not only on their personal data, but also on the most intimate details of their life, as hackers and Vastaamo have violated the confidentiality of their therapy sessions. It is upmost important that you honestly check with yourself for any support you might need, at any time during the process. If you find it hard to complete the recommended action points, ask for help.

Mieli has a crisis hotline that operates in several languages. In addition, they are organising support groups for victims of the Vastaamo data breach. Groups meet on virtual platforms and you can participate anonymously. At the moment groups operate in Finnish, but if there is enough request I am confident they will organise some in other languages. For more information contact [email protected].

Legal advice and general information

RIKU provides support and assistance for victims of crimes and their relatives. While their hotline does not operate in English, you can place a request to be called back by a volunteer that speaks English.

There is now a web portal that aims to collect useful information and news for victims and the general public: Tietovuotoapu.fi. It is currently available only in Finnish (if you need it in English send them feedback to help prioritise translations!).

If you want legal advice or you want to know more about your rights as a consumer, the Consumers’ Union has a hotline dedicated to the Vastaamo data breach (tel. 09 – 454 22150, Mon–Fri h 9–12 and h 13–16).

Compensation

Check with your insurance provider if it covers identity theft. If not, consider buying an insurance: most providers are willing to offer you one if your information haven’t been shared yet (even if they have been stolen, so there’s a time window to act!). Check out MySafety, as well as insurance providers like Pohjola. Insurances can cover legal expenses or damage in case something happens.

After the criminal investigation will have completed its course (months, possibly years), there might be a customer class action and you might be entitled to compensation from Vastaamo. Keep an eye on the Finnish Competition and Consumer Activity for that (check the Finnish version as it’s richer in information). They even have a newsletter you can subscribe to.

As mentioned above, Vastaamo has promised to reimburse credit bans. It’s a good idea to keep an eye on their news section to see if they will take further steps to compensate customers.

More information & news

Find here additional sources of information on the Vastaamo data breach:

• National Cyber Security Centre. For example: Q&A on the Vastaamo data breach;
• RIKU, Crime Victim Support. See their recommendations here;
• Office of the Data Protection Obudsman. See their recommendations;
• Digital and Population Data Services Agency. See their Q&A section;
• Yle News. Quickly listing the articles so far: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9;
• Foreigner.fi. Listing the articles: 1, 2, 3, 4.

I hope this is useful. I have tried to collect and translate as many information as I could from all sources I could find. Please help me reach more expats in Finland by sharing this post on social media. This was an heinous act, targeting vulnerable people, and I condemn it. If you have been affected, I am sorry. Take care of yourself and take all precautions to minimise your risks.

Feature photo by Joan Gamell on Unsplash.

The post Vastaamo Data Breach: Information and Actions for Victims appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Today I’m excited to host a guest post by Danielle, a fellow expat mom living in Finland. She has started a new community for new parents, following the principles of the Positive Birth Movement. The PBM is a global network supporting mothers and parents. There are two events coming up in Helsinki, you can find more information below. Don’t miss to follow Danielle’s uplifting content on Instagram. And now, the PBM in her words.

I first discovered the Positive Birth Movement (PBM) during my own pregnancy journey while I was living in Amsterdam. My interest in becoming a birth professional grew in time. When we finally decided to move to Helsinki, I took the opportunity to bring this wonderful movement here.

The PBM Helsinki offers monthly free, non-commercial, and open to all peer to peer meetu-ps for pregnant people, partners (or birth companions), and new parents in English.

This is not a course, nor will there be a presenter or an expert. The goal is to create a community where you can share your stories and experiences, laugh and cry, receive loving support, and celebrate parenthood.

Through what we see in popular culture and media, we have unfortunately internalised quite a negative and very limited view of birth. The PBM aims to challenge this epidemic of negativity and fear that surrounds modern birth and help change birth for the better.

Our meetings are confidential, non-judgmental, non-directional, and positive. We welcome everyone to our groups. Regardless of birth or feeding choices, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, or any aspect of your background: we welcome you without judgement. We don’t hold any one kind of birth up above another. We’re just concerned with every woman getting the best possible birth experience, for her, on that day.

You can join the Facebook group of Positive Birth Movement Helsinki here. The Positive Birth Movement Helsinki is facilitated by Danielle Bensky – a psychologist, postpartum doula, birth junkie, mom, and expat living in Espoo.

The first Positive Birth Movement Helsinki meet up will take place on Saturday, October 24^th at 10:00-12:00 at Familia Ry in Sörnäinen. Registration is needed and attendance is free. Link to the Facebook event.

The second Positive Birth Movement Helsinki meet up will take place on Saturday, November 7^th at 10:00-12:00 at Familia Ry in Sörnäinen. Registration is needed and attendance is free. Link to the Facebook event.

There are around 300 ‘real life’ PBM groups around the world, in 30 different countries. They are a great place for pregnant women and their partners to find information, support and a sense of community. To find out more about Positive Birth Movement visit https://www.positivebirthmovement.org/.

Join us as we meet up, link up and shake up birth!

If you liked this post, check out also:
Moniku, a New Service for Multicultural Families in Espoo
Expat Families: How To Build A Support Network
Support for Families in Finland – Resources and Services
I have recently removed myself to most social media platforms. I am counting on my readers to share my work and help me reach more readers. If you appreciate my posts, please share them on your social media pages. Thank you lots!

Featured image by Alicia Petresc on Unsplash.

The post The Positive Birth Movement Lands in Finland appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

We are now in full ruska time and this past weekend has been unusually warm. I knew it was the perfect time for us to embark in one of our family hikes. We set to explore a new trail in Vihti, about a hour drive from Helsinki: the Pääkslahti Nature Trail (Pääkslahden luontopolku).

This outdoor area has a combination of ring-like trails that meet in several points. In this way, you can easily ‘build’ a path of the length you prefer. My advice for you is to print the map to make sure you don’t get lost in all the ramifications of the trails [page 2 of this leaflet]. The trails start from the wide parking space at the address Pääksniementie 69, 03400 Vihti.

One of the paths gets near the (huge) lake Hiidenvesi. There you will find toilets, picnic tables, a long and narrow sandy beach, and three fireplaces to grill (wood is provided by the town but you need to split it with an axe).

The trail also features a giant’s kettle! Unfortunately we didn’t get to see it, as we had to cut our walk shorter (everyone was complaining but me, they’re out of shape). If you want to see it, it’s in the point 4 or 5 of the map.

The forest floor was brown and yellow with fallen leaves, except for the vaste moss floors in some parts. We have seen over 20 kinds of mushrooms – spotting mushrooms is a fun game for small children while walking. The weather was benevolent, the sun shined all day and temperatures reached 20C degrees. The lake was quite peaceful. Small waves crashed on the sandy beach, giving me a sense of peace and fulfilment.

The terrain of Pääkslahti nature trail is not stroller-friendly and has some elevation. Again, given the pick-and-match nature of the trails, you can adapt your hike to any need, going as short at 2 km up to about 6 km. If you are going after rainy days, choose an appropriate footwear as the path gets muddy in some points. Also, beware: we met several horses’ “presents”, I think many residents go for rides throughout the forests, so be careful where you step.

It was a lovely day and I recommend the Pääkslahti nature trail to all families who want to spend time on a fascinating hike!

Are you looking for more recommendations for family hikes? Check out my posts on:
Hannusmetsä (Espoo)
Klassarinkierros (Kirkkonummi)
Repovesi (Kouvola)
I have given up my social media channels except for Instagram. If you like my posts, please help me reach more readers by sharing them <3 thanks.

The post Finding Autumn Wonders on the Pääkslahti Nature Trail appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

I believe natural remedies can complement traditional Western medicine. With day-to-day discomforts, medication is often an overkill. Here are few of my effective natural remedies.

Disclaimer: if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, check with your doctor first. Some of these remedies might not be appropriate for children. Some natural products can cause allergies so test lightly before heavy use (ex. propolis can’t be used if you are allergic to bees).

Burns and sunburns: aloe vera

Aloe vera is an amazing plant. I always store a bottle of aloe vera gel at home (make sure to buy one with high or total percentage of aloe, this is the one I use). You can also keep the plant itself and cut a leaf whenever you need. Aloe vera gel is a great natural aftersun cream. My favorite use, however, is to heal light fire burns. I apply some gel on the burn right away and keep adding some as soon as it dries up. Results are simply incredible and burns heal extremely fast (this is a good solution for first- or second-degree burns at most).

Digestion: fennel tea

Whenever we struggle with a heavy dinner or overeat, fennel tea is the solution. I don’t love the taste of fennel but nothing does the job like it. It’s also a great remedy to bad breath caused by stomach issues. You can buy fennel tea in hypermarkets or nature shops. You can also find herbal tea blends containing fennel among other ingredients.
A couple of alternatives to facilitate digestion are hot water with lemon juice and this Detox blend by Clipper (I love its flavour).

Inflammation: camomille tea

Camomille holds powerful anti-inflammatory properties. Camomille tea is an alternative to fennel tea to facilitate digestion, but its true power is to help healing from a cold or a flu. Drinking camomille tea is my relaxing and healing ritual when I am sick. I have even used it with my children since they were babies. I used to mix some in my daughter’s formula when she was fighting a cold. I even use camomille for steam inhalation when I or the children have a cold.

Sore throat: propolis

Propolis is a compound made by bees that has known anti-oxidant properties. It’s my go-to remedy for a sore throat. Now, usually propolis products require you to dilute few drops in water or in a spoon of sugar (it’s awfully bitter). Personally, I like to buy bottles with a drop dispenser and “shoot” propolis on the back of my throat. It is disgusting and burns like hell but it’s able of healing my throat in less than 48 hours! A quick search shows how you can buy propolis product in spray format as well.

Muscle tension and headache: arnica

Both my husband and I suffer from regular headaches due to muscle tension in our back. Sleeping on it doesn’t help and in the past the only thing doing the trick was an aspirin. Until we discovered arnica. It’s been proven that applying a high-concentration arnica cream can replace ibuprofen. Arnica is great to relief muscular tension and pain. This is one of the natural solutions we use most often. We apply some arnica gel or cream where the tension is and massage, just before bed. We wake up the morning after and the headache is gone! You can buy arnica cream for example from Amazon (the concentration level matters, I recommend 50%).

These are the regular proven natural remedies our family uses to find relief without using medication. What are yours? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Featured image by congerdesign from Pixabay.

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The resources I am going to list here are contacts and ideas for when the issues strike. However, there are some ways in which you can mitigate risks when all is calm. Consciously building a support network is essential for expat families (read my tips on how here). Let’s head in.

Peer support

Whatever you are going through, I can assure you, you’re not alone. Connecting with people who are facing similar challenges is a powerful way to gain back hope and start the healing process. Finland is the land of associations. Whatever is happening in your life, there’s an association dealing with it. For example, Leijonaemot gathers parents of children with special needs or Leskiperheet gathers widowed families. The first tip I want to share is for you to dig out some keywords in Finnish and google those with the word “yhdistys” (association), and see what comes out. Even if an association doesn’t have English pages, it does not mean they cannot help you. Try contact them via email before discarding the idea.
There are several supportive Facebook groups of foreigners living in Finland. Smaller groups like Expat mothers in Helsinki/Finland tend to be more tight. If you are, like myself, involved in the adoption world, join our online community (more on its story here).
Projects like Neighbourhood Mothers or Terrible Mothers can help you feel connected to other moms living in Finland.

Mental health support

If you or a member of your family struggles with mental health, you are not an isolated case. 1 every 4 people in Finland has suffered with depression at some point in their life. Anxiety and depression disorders affect about 6% of people living in Finland. Mental healthcare services are offered by municipalities: if you or a member of your family needs therapy or professional help, the best first step is to contact your local healthcare station (terveysasema). This blog post explains very well where to seek help based on the severity of the issue. If your child needs help, seek advice from your local healthcare station. They will request an evaluation and a referral called B-lausunto from a child psychiatrist (read more here).
The nonprofit Mieli offers various services around mental health (check out their new Omamieli service). FinFami is another relevant nonprofit and they focus on supporting family members of people struggling with mental health (see their new multilingual publications here).
It can be tough to find help as a foreigner and there is nothing worse than getting doors slammed in your face when you are most vulnerable. You might find people with the “not my problem” attitude. Improving access to help for foreigners in Finland is one of my personal battles.

Family therapy and counselling

If your family is navigating difficult times (for example divorce or grief), your municipality’s family counselling (perheneuvola) can help. Counselling is free of charge. These are the contact points of Helsinki, Espoo, and Vantaa. The church community offers also free-of-charge couple or family counselling (perheasiain neuvottelukeskus, the service is offered by the church to everyone, not just parishioners, and there is nothing religious attached to it). These two services are not as effective as therapy: in my experience, they are often overbooked and book you in a meeting a month or so. If you need a more intensive intervention, you should look up a couple or family therapist. Kela covers both under its rehabilitation program, but you’ll have to find a Kela-licensed therapist that speaks the language of your choices (not trivial). Nowadays digital platforms cut geographical distances: hiring a therapist in your birth country and running remote sessions might end up being the best cost/benefit solution. Another point of contact is Familia, that offers counselling for intercultural couples.
If things escalate and there are minors in the household, social services can help: read this example story to understand their role in helping families. When I think of social services, I immediately think of drama movies with children getting snatched from their parents’ arms. However, there’s a huge spectrum of interventions in social care. These are examples of help social services can provide to your family.
[new] BVIF offers affordable counselling in English for families struggling with ADHD. This is not yet advertised on their pages, get in touch directly.

Hard situations

If you or someone in the family are facing domestic abuse, you can find support resources from Naistenlinja and Nollalinja. Domestic abuse includes emotional violence as well as physical. Domestic violence includes children being aggressive or violent towards other family members: this is a topic surrounded by stigma yet cases of child-on-parent or child-on-sibling violence make for 10% of all reported violence cases in Finland. Violence is violence, period. In emergency cases, please call the police. This publication explains how to identify abuse and where to find help in Finland.
The association Monikanaiset offers assistance in several situation, especially in custody battles or domestic abuses. They also manage a shelter and they have a chat service for victims of domestic violence. Helsingin ensikoti provides residence for pregnant women and mothers with children if they are facing housing crises; their communities have a therapeutic approach and help new families navigate difficult circumstances.
Custody battles are a common hard challenge faced by many families. Monikanaiset offers support in those situations as well. If your child was abducted by your ex-partner or if you suspect she is at risk to be abducted, find more information and support from Abducted Children NGO.

Hotlines and anonymous support

I am including here some anonymous and confidential hotlines you might call to get help. Mind you, many of these reply in Finnish, but given how many Finns speak fluent English, you can try and take the chance to call in anyway.
ADHD league advice line. tel: 040 541 7696, Mon-Thu 9-12.
Advice on children’s sleep. tel: 040 587 4608, Thu 9-12.
Advice and support on breastfeeding. tel.  09 4241 5300, Tue 21-22, Thu 20:30-21:30, Fri 13-14.
Peer support for parents of children with special needs. tel. 045 869 8335, Wed 10-14 or place a call-back request.
Mental health hotline (in several languages).
PPD and baby blues peer support. tel. 040 746 7424, check the updated schedule here.
Chat and hotline to support parents by MLL. tel. 0800 92277 (free toll), Mon-Tue 10-13 and 17-20, Wed 10-13, Thu 14-20.
Divorce and child custody advice hotline. tel. 020 774 9800. Mon-Thu 10-16, Wed 10-19.
Substance abuse hotline. tel. 0800 900 45 (toll free), available 24/7.
Family crisis hotlines, tel. 09 8164 2439 (Western Uusimaa, incl. Espoo) / tel. 09 310 44222 (Helsinki) / tel. 09 8392 4005 (Vantaa) / to find the number for your municipality look up “Social Emergency Services“, available 24/7.

Featured image created by Catherine Cordasco.

The post Support for Families in Finland – Resources and Services appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

What is Kamalat äidit about?

Kamalat äidit® (Terrible Mothers) is a nationwide project that has been operating for 15 years. Our mission is simple: to offer peer support groups for mothers of teenagers. In our groups, we talk about everyday life, challenges and joys of living with an adolescent. We support and empower each other, by sharing experiences, thoughts and feelings in a safe and warm space. We are currently developing MKA (monikulttuurinen Kamalat äidit), our multicultural activities.

Why did you choose this name for the initiative?

Our name “Kamalat äidit” means Terrible Moms. Our project started in Oulu in 2005 and has been catching attention ever since. We registered its name and model in 2013, and became officially Kamalat äidit®. I love that name, it’s a way to own something that may otherwise be heavy, either because your teenage kid calls you a terrible mom or because you feel yourself like a terrible mother. You’re allowed to feel like you feel and it’s ok. And when you meet others, you realise that you’re actually awesome, terrible moms.

How does it work in practice? 

Our groups are led by two peer support group counsellors. If at least two potential volunteers identify a need in their city and they get in touch with us, we visit and offer them a training to start a group. Our volunteers are very independent and they get to build their groups. In practice our groups gather 4 to 10 moms, 10 times. The groups meet once a week or twice a month, depending on the availability of the peer support group leaders. Each session has a theme and exercises, but we always give priority to the discussions.

Can participants preserve their identity if they wish?

On our online groups it’s been very easy for our participants to be anonymous. For the face-to-facee groups it’s different. Participants can share with others what they feel like sharing. Participants are free to preserve their family members by not sharing their names and it is part of our rules to make sure that information that could identify our participants are not disclosed. We also have a strict rule on confidentiality (what happens during the meetings can not be shared outside the group). Our groups are based on mutual trust and a feeling of being safe, and we make sure that it stays that way. 

Are facilitators YWCA staff?

In some cases, Kamalat äidit staff may be part of the group. But most of the time, the groups are led by two volunteers. When a volunteer and a staff member are leading a group, the staff member always make sure to give the maximum space possible to the volunteer.

If facilitators are volunteers, what kind of support do they get?

The network of volunteers we have all around Finland is I think one of our biggest joy. Our volunteers are first of all trained. They get to know our organization, our project and the way the groups work. We go through the sessions’ themes with them, and work on their own peer support group leaders skills (group dynamics, facilitation). We also work with them on their own motivation. After this training, we support them to find participants for the group that they want to create. We offer them personalized support and guidance once the group has started. If they need help with a specific topic, need extra material or extra help for a participant, we also make sure that it is available. We organize meetings and trainings for our volunteers in different places in Finland several times a year.
With our multicultural activities, we are also planning into giving specific trainings on the theme of multiculturality, cultural sensitivity or multilingual work for example.

Do you have groups in languages other than Finnish? And is it possible to start new ones in other languages?

Until now, we have had almost only exclusively groups in Finnish. My job now is to develop our multicultural activities, and languages are at the center of it! We are going to have groups in Finnish, English and Spanish in autumn 2020. We strongly encourage mothers of teenagers who would like to volunteer or participate in English or in Spanish to get in touch with us, as we are going to have our volunteers training in both these languages in June 2020. If you want to start a group in your city or if you want to participate in one of our groups, let us know!
For next year, we are working on developing groups in other languages, and we are very open to discuss it with other NGOs, cities and of course women who want to volunteer!
I’d like to tell a little bit about our multicultural activities, that I am in charge to develop. Our goal is to make sure that our groups are open to mothers who experience multiculturality in their lives. Of course foreign moms are welcome, but also Finnish moms living in multicultural or multilingual families, adoptive mothers, as well as moms who feel that multiculturality is an important factor for them and who want to share with moms from different horizons.

What range of topics do the groups cover usually? Do they include hard stuff (drugs, eating disorders…)? If a mother needs this specific kind of peer support, do you help her match to other moms who deal with the same?

Our groups’ priority is to create a space for the mothers to talk about what they want. We have a general structure for our groups, some of our themes are daily life challenges, parenthood, set limits and rules… We have low threshold themes as well as deeper ones, exploring the mothers relations to their own youth, motherhood or the future. Difficult topics are of course discussed in our groups. Some mothers inform us when they register about a specific situation that they face or a specific topic that they need to open up about. Use of drugs, sexuality, eating disorders, school issues, gaming and phone addiction, are topics that come up very often. One very powerful thing that happens in our groups is that very often the moms realize that they are not alone, that other families go through similar situations, and that others can understand and support, without judging or having to explain. Our groups are nevertheless not therapies, even though they can have therapeutic effects. Our volunteers are trained to recognize the situations in which they should direct our participants to professional help, and the staff is always ready to support them.

Can you share some success stories or positive feedback you have received from mothers?

I can share with you some feedback that we received in Finnish.

”Tämä oli minulle hyvä henkireikä. Niin siis kiva, mahtava.” (This was a lifeline for me. So nice, awesome)
”Aina saa tukea, tsemppiä, voimaa.” (You always get support, energy, strength)
”Ryhmässä uskalsi puhua ja sai voimaa.” (In the group I dared to speak and I got strength)

Our multicultural activities have received a lot of positive interest from mothers, volunteers and professionals. I’d love to come back next year to keep you updated on a success story for a multicultural mother and her family.

Do you have groups for fathers as well? Did you get requests to start any?

We don’t have groups for fathers. Our organization is a women’s organization, and our motto is “courageous and loving acts by women”. We focus on mothers, knowing that their empowerment and wellbeing will also affect positively the whole family. We welcome all mothers.

If someone wants to sign up to a group or become a facilitator, what do they have to do?

They can write to [email protected]. Just mention that you’re interested in our multicultural activities and you’ll be put in touch with me.

Are you a Terrible Mother? Don’t be shy to connect with other moms or start a group yourself. You will never be alone in facing the challenges of parenting a teen.

Featured image by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.

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I was cursed to get a picture of what was coming days ahead from reading Italian newspapers as well as social media. There I had a taste of the raw experience of the epidemics, as well as read several experts’ opinions. My concern grew by the day, especially while witnessing the low reactivity of the Finnish government.

I don’t think people are worrying enough, not in Finland, not in other countries where things are just starting to unfold. To the day I still hear of parents debating whether to send their kids to social activities or daycare because “they are bored” or they cannot stand having them at home. [1] Unfortunately the initial global communications sounded as “it’s barely a flu” and shortly later “only the elderly or patients with health conditions are affected”. Most people – including myself – recorded those information and then refused to refresh them.

The main thing you need to understand about coronavirus is that it is a novel sickness: nothing is sure and information change all the time. You need to stay updated.

China, Italy, and France have released data suggesting that young people often require intensive care. In addition, coronavirus is damn fast in spreading, because of a relatively long incubation period and many people not showing symptoms. You might easily catch it, not even realise you are sick, and infect many on your path. Data was released suggesting worrying figures on young children. Children are, indeed, less affected. However, 5.9% experience severe or critical illness that require hospitalisation. In particular, small children (babies and preschoolers) were the most vulnerable:

Another extremely concerning data that emerged only recently is the mortality rate. The initial comment was “only old people risk dying”. The thing is, younger people fighting between life and death last longer. They stay attached to a ventilator for weeks and while they do, they are not recorded as fatalities. In 2 weeks time from now, we might have a completely different picture of the mortality rate and its distribution by age. It will be too late then.

Without any restriction, we would easily find ourselves with thousands of people needing hospitalisation, yet resources – for example beds or ventilators – would be limited. The healthcare system doesn’t serve only coronavirus patients. On top of a pandemic, all activities must continue. Treating victims of accidents, cancer patients, performing operations, treating the sick, the list goes on. In Italy, doctors are forced to choose who dies and who lives.

The Finnish government has placed a bet on individual responsibility by not closing daycares. I beg you, if you can keep the kids home, do it. Every person counts, every missed social event counts. It’s all about minimising the likelihood of contagion and slowing the spread (here’s a simulation showing how social isolation helps). This will be a hard time for everyone and we need to shift into the mentality of making sacrifices.

I promise I will produce cheerful posts such as “10 crafts to keep you child busy during a pandemic” or “how not to murder your kids on day 15 of a quarantine” but right now I want to convey clearly how bad things can get. While my family wasn’t directly hit (yet), friends of friends are dying. It hits close. Few days ago, Bergamo, Italy, recorded that every 30 minutes someone was buried. Families have been decimated, including young parents dying.

“People are dying like dogs – nameless, a number among many” – says Roberta, her father died “My father wasn’t old and he wasn’t ill before”. She says the only noise she hears all day long is ambulance sirens. She leaves 10 or so messages of condolences daily on Facebook walls.

In Italy, people are forbidden from leaving home. In some areas, grocery shopping means queuing for hours because the store lets in only few people at a time. The police is enforcing the quarantine. Things can get much worse if we don’t wake up soon. Your individual choices now matter the most.

Now it’s really the time to look out for each other and be aware of how our choices affect our community. We’ll get through this. Stay healthy, #stayathome.

[1] Edited out. As a fellow mom kindly flagged, this phrasing sounded judgemental. We are all stressed and scared (awful combination!) and the last thing I want to do is to add conflict or pressure. I apologise for the bad choice of words. We are all doing the best we can, let’s keep on lifting each other <3.

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Part of the issue is that families do not engage in physical activities enough. By this I do not mean solely sports, but more broadly to be active and engage in play and activities than keep your body on the move. Luckily, public organisations like City of Helsinki are trying to change this. Today City of Helsinki launched a campaign called #HelsinkiLiikkuu (=Helsinki moves) in February 2020. According to their surveys, 80% of families do not move together daily. One of the initiatives is to improve visibility of physical activities available in the area. I like to call myself a converted lazy. I was empress of couch potatoes, but my intention to educate my children set me to change my habits for the better. Surprise, surprise, my own health and mood benefited greatly, and our family bond grew stronger.

Not everyone is aware that there is plenty of free or cheap sport activities for the whole family available in the capital area. Here are some ideas for your children to have fun on the move.

#1. Go on a hike

Hiking is one of our favorite family activities since ever. It fits all ages and never gets dull. We are blessed to live in a country where nature is always at reach. Beside casual walks, there are several nature trails in Helsinki (and Espoo, Vantaa) with different lengths, sceneries, and difficulty levels. Some have public grills or campfire pits for you to grill a couple of sausages. If you want to have a preview of some hikes, our recommendations near Helsinki are Oittaa, Hannusmetsä, and Klassarinkierros.

#2. Swim boredom away

Swimming is a cheap hobby in the capital area. Children under 7 enter for free or for around 3 euros. Adults’ entrance fee is usually around 5 euros. There are several swimming halls available, and most have spaces and facilities for children. Moreover, City of Helsinki organises cheap swimming courses for children.

#3. Play sports together

City of Helsinki offers several opportunities for children or the whole family to engage in sports. From exercise sessions for toddlers to family ball games, there’s plenty to do for free or a low fee. Several activities are available also through Easy Sport. The Adult Education Institute routinely offers cheap sport classes for the whole family – why not trying Afro Dance with your little ones?

#4. Explore city playgrounds

I realise how many playgrounds there are in Finland whenever I go on holiday and finding one involves Google Maps and long walks. Playgrounds are sprinkled all over Helsinki and its surrounding area. They are a safe and simple place for children to let some steam off, climb, and socialise. A special mention goes to the three Angry Birds playgrounds in Espoo. When bad weather hits, you can visit family houses: indoors free-of-charge facilities where small ones can play with toys and other children, while parents enjoy coffee and conversation.

#5. Visit a museum

Not all museums and cultural sites are children-friendly, but many are in Finland. Don’t look indoors only! There are outdoors options like Suomenlinna, Seurasaari or the Botanical Garden to spend a day out and learn something new. Helsinki City Museum is free and entirely child-centered (it’s our favorite place to lose a hour when we visit the city center); Kiasma regularly organises workshops for children; the Natural History Museum and the Korkeasaari Zoo are other popular choices.
Culture in Finland is affordable. You can invest in a Museum Card, which gives you access year round to most sites. Alternatively, many museums regularly allow visitors in for free.

#6. Ski among trees

Cross-country skiing is an exciting activity to try with kids. Children as young as 4 can learn and younger kids might be towed on a sledge. Paloheinä is a popular winter center in Helsinki and if you don’t own skiis, you can rent them. If you are like myself when I moved here and know nothing of winter sports, you’ll be pleased to learn that Paloheinä has courses for small children with or without an adult to introduce you to this new hobby.

#7. Treasure hunt with geocaching

Geocaching is a world-known free hobby and I’m pleased to announce it’s popular in Finland too. Treasure hunting provides a perfect excuse to drag kids of all ages out and about. Frankly, it’s fantastic for adults too! We’ve been recently sucked into it, it fits all ages and provides motivation and rewards to go on long walks.

#8. Climb on your bikes

You don’t have to wait for summer to hop on your bike. As long as there is no ice, cycling is rewarding. Don’t underestimate small children: last summer my 4 and 6 year olds would bike 8 km. Helsinki has over 1200 km of bicycle paths, all over town and through forests. There are several recommended bicycle routes for you to try. Or you can build your own with the help of the Journey Planner.

#9. Dust off your ice-skates

Now that you live here, you need to make your peace with winter sports because even if you hide, they’ll find you. You probably have come across the ice-skating ring near the main railway station. As you can see, it’s quite cheap. There are several outdoor skating rings across Helsinki, free-of-charge and open to the public. Oulunkylä hosts an indoor skating ring.

#10. Care for nature

Helsinki offers residents chances to have an active role in caring for its nature. The initiative “Good Things Grow in Helsinki” calls for volunteers to shape the green areas and clean parks. It’s an hands-on educational opportunity for the whole family.
Another option is to rent a garden allotment for your family to grow vegetables. The open farm Haltiala allows visitors to pick flowers and peapods for free. And of course you’re free to pick berries, wild herbs and mushrooms in forests any time.

There is plenty of opportunities for your family to spend quality time together without hurting the wallet. To learn more about the campaign, like the Facebook page, follow the Instagram or Twitter feed, and keep an eye on the webpage. Join me and post on social media how you keep your family on the move with the hashtag #HelsinkiLiikkuu.

Featured image by The Slow Photography.

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Expectations around parents have grown tenfold since the previous generation. There’s way more research on child development, attachment, and more, and all these information are ready available on the internet. They populate our social media feed, our friends’ online and IRL conversations, and become impossible to ignore. The pressure creates a climate where everyone is forced on a guilt trip.

We end up feeling we have to stay up to date. Are we feeding our kids right? Are we spending enough time with them? Are we stimulating them intellectually? Do they spend enough time outdoors? Are we yelling too much? Are we fostering their emotional development? The list is endless. This is recipe for mental breakdown.

The answer is: balance. And factoring in your own well-being into the equation. I hate play pretend (ironic, given it was my favorite as a child) and I declared to my kids that I won’t play that. Ask daddy. I’m open to do other things, like reading, playing boardgames, go outside.. whatever. But if they want to play pretend, I’m not their gal.

Over the years I cut *regular* pockets of self-care for myself. I used to see it as time stolen from my family, but turns out it serves them in the end. First of all, it is a powerful example for my children about the importance of loving and caring for oneself. I do not want them to have my same attitude of self-flagellation. Children learn from what parents do, not what parents say. Walk the talk.

In addition, taking care of my well-being allows me to not develop any resentment and to truly enjoy and cherish the time I spend with my children.

When I say self-care I don’t mean only going to the gym or out with friends regularly. I include declaring I need half hour rest and that they need to play on their own, refusing to play a game that I hate, setting boundaries. I meet my kids’ needs 99% of my time, all my short-term and long-term life choices revolve around them… I refuse to feel guilt for the tiny portion I claim for myself.

Beside the rant on motherhood not being spelled martyrdom, there’s boredom. My generation of on-demand everything and instant gratification is terrified of it. However, boredom is a precious resource for children. It’s the space where their imagination and creativity can flourish. If you keep your children entertained at all hours, you’re doing them a disservice.

Although we do not want to surrender to it, the truth is that there’s no recipe for parenting. Having this load of information and worldwide support networks at the tip of our fingers is overwhelming but also empowering.

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Studying maths

My life was rocked at 16 when my high school maths teacher entered the classroom for the first time. I had always been gifted with maths and logic, but that day I knew I wanted to become a mathematician. A couple of years later, when it was time to choose my major, I ignored all advice and followed what I felt was right. My parents, teachers, classmates told me mathematics would never put food on my table. Nowadays I am a project manager, yet I never regretted that decision. I have spent almost a decade studying a subject I deeply loved and that’s something.
(for the record, maths paid the bills for 5 years ).

Moving abroad

Nine years ago, at age 24, I left my family, friends, and boyfriend behind and moved to Finland on my own. I didn’t know one thing about Finland, for real. I couldn’t name any Finnish brand or had any idea how life would look like. I did it to escape my childhood home and to pursue my studies. It was scary as hell, yet it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

Reporting sexual harassment at work

It took me a long while to see what was going on, but I don’t blame myself. This is how predators act, turning on the temperature slowly without you realising it’s gotten to boiling point. My reality check was when a fellow colleague was physically assaulted. When I reported him, I was dead sure I would be fired and everything would be shushed. He was powerful. I did it because I realised this was bigger than me. In the end the workplace rewarded my bravery.

Loving fiercely my children

I wanted to title this section “adopt”, but it would be misleading. We opened our home and hearts to children who needed both. While I hate when strangers compliment me on it (they have no clue and these matters are very complex to say smart things about them), in my heart I am proud because I know it’s been a long and tough journey, one that required – still does – plenty of faith and patience. The hard part wasn’t the decision nor the bureaucracy, it’s slowly building relationships that often gives back little to nothing.

Accepting the relationship with my parents

Realising that the relationship with my parents would never be what I wanted and needed it to be was tough. When it comes to strained relationships with close family, we all want to retain a grain of hope that the situation can be recovered. After years of attempts, fights, compromises, talks, I finally got to a point where I understood this would never happen and somehow made peace with it. This was deeply saddening to do in the moment, but turned out to be liberating in the long run.

Following my dream

Last year I realised what sector I really wanted to work in. I didn’t have the right qualifications and I would leave behind better paying roles. It wasn’t an easy search and in the end I have been more lucky than I deserved landing the perfect position for my skills and ambitions… but leaving my previous job and turning down better paying offers required plenty of courage!

Opening my heart to someone

Loving my kids required courage, but also opening up to my husband did. Letting him in and showing my less-attractive traits, my deepest fears, and my vulnerabilities has probably been the bravest thing I have done in my entire life. We all long to be seen, yet exposing our vulnerabilities can be terrifying. Rejection is totalising when someone has really known you and still choses to have you out of his life. Keeping a little distance is a way to preserve yourself. Revealing your deepest fears to someone it’s like handing them the ultimate weapon that can kill you and hoping they won’t use it. Ever. Even if the relationship and context will change. Researcher and speaker Brenè Brown reveals how this rite of passage is unavoidable to live a wholehearted life. There can be a huge reward if you dare to step in there.

Developing self-compassion

Unfortunately my family not only failed to provide me with the great tool self-compassion is, but left me with a well engrained self-loathing machinery within. For years I have run towards unreachable goals, little enjoyed rewards, and focused on my failures. Developing self-compassion (which turned to be essential to develop compassion for others!) required me to disassemble everything I was, every little natural pattern, every pathway of my mind, and rebuild completely. Having to keep my awareness active on every small decision and live out of my comfort zone for so long was exhausting and a thousand times I got this close to giving up. But I didn’t.

Facing depression

Depression has walked with me since puberty. Some episodes were easier than others. Sometime I got myself out of it, sometime I couldn’t do it without a hand. How many times I thought that was the last time. After this I will be forever healed. I don’t know if I will never suffer from it again, I can’t tell. What I know is that I have pulled myself out of it over and over. And that takes strength and courage. If you have had depression, you very well know how you have little of both when you’re prey of it. For a long time I have tortured myself for falling depressed multiple times, but recently I have decided to switch my perspective and celebrate that I have instead overcome it several times and come out stronger.

Sticking to my values

I have made a great load of mistakes in my life, but I am proud to say that I have always sticked to my core values. In general, I have never been someone who takes the easy road. I can think of hundreds of times when I have definitely not chose convenient over fair. While it’s mostly felt natural – even though hardly easy – I know now it’s something few people are capable of doing. Standing up for what’s right always requires courage and I am proud I have had it in small and big decisions until now.

Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Featured image by SnapwireSnaps from Pixaba.

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