In our household, we have tested few arrangements before finding a routine that worked for the whole family and we are prepared to adapt again if necessary. The kids are particularly stressed, having lost their routines and social life from one day to the other. They miss their friends, they don’t know when they’ll meet grandparents again, and mom and dad are more stressed than usual. Unfortunately when children are stressed they are not on their best behaviour and that adds up to the list of triggers for us. I know. Deep breaths and loads of empathy, my friend.

Beside listing fun activities to keep the little ones active and engaged, I have rounded up some resources for you to help them face these challenges times. If this is a lot to process for us adults, imagine how massive it is for children. One day E (almost 5) confessed he was afraid the virus might jump out of nowhere and bite him. We have explained them that old people are most vulnerable and R immediately worried for her grandparents. U has been staying with us for over a month (a story for another post) but she’ll soon go back to her living facility and worries when she’ll see us again. It’s a lot to take in and we are their compass, their light in the darkness.

The World Health Organization has put together a series of tips in several languages for parents, including how to manage challenging behaviours and reduce children’s stress. They are a set of great tips gathered from top experts, I wholeheartedly recommend to check them out (and send them to friends!).

Kids are naturally curious and there’s nothing better than fighting uncertainty and anxiety with facts. Surely knowledge needs to be packaged in an age-appropriate way. I always find books a great way to convey messages to my children. Axel Scheffler, the artist who illustrated The Gruffalò, has published a free ebook to help parents explain the current crisis to their children. The book was so successful that it was quickly translated in over 17 languages (here in Italian).
If your child speaks English, you might enjoy the #CaringForEachOther initiative by Sesame Street: there is plenty of ideas and resources to support families during this crisis.
The School of Life has put together a series of free activities for children. This period can be an opportunity to explore and learn.

Mindfulness is another great tool to help children. I have been awful with my own meditation routine in the past months, but I know it works and it’s a fantastic way to stay grounded when anxiety tries to take the best of you. Luckily some kind souls have adapted mindfulness techniques for children. These are books I have read and I warmly recommend. You won’t need to read them whole, just pick some exercises and try them out:
Mindfulness for children by Uz Afzal;
Calm – mindfulness for kids by Wynne Kinder;
Yoga for kids by Susannah Hoffman (I recommend this one for kids who are more lively and physical).

Last but not least: regulate your own stress. Children have the finest sensors on their carers’ emotions. If you are travelling on negative frequencies, your kids will pick them up. Conversely, if you stay grounded, you help them do the same. Self-care is the word right now. Carve your own spaces, concede to activities that bring you joy, and pamper yourself.

These are stressful times, but challenges are always opportunities to grow. Stay safe and #stayathome.

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I was cursed to get a picture of what was coming days ahead from reading Italian newspapers as well as social media. There I had a taste of the raw experience of the epidemics, as well as read several experts’ opinions. My concern grew by the day, especially while witnessing the low reactivity of the Finnish government.

I don’t think people are worrying enough, not in Finland, not in other countries where things are just starting to unfold. To the day I still hear of parents debating whether to send their kids to social activities or daycare because “they are bored” or they cannot stand having them at home. [1] Unfortunately the initial global communications sounded as “it’s barely a flu” and shortly later “only the elderly or patients with health conditions are affected”. Most people – including myself – recorded those information and then refused to refresh them.

The main thing you need to understand about coronavirus is that it is a novel sickness: nothing is sure and information change all the time. You need to stay updated.

China, Italy, and France have released data suggesting that young people often require intensive care. In addition, coronavirus is damn fast in spreading, because of a relatively long incubation period and many people not showing symptoms. You might easily catch it, not even realise you are sick, and infect many on your path. Data was released suggesting worrying figures on young children. Children are, indeed, less affected. However, 5.9% experience severe or critical illness that require hospitalisation. In particular, small children (babies and preschoolers) were the most vulnerable:

Another extremely concerning data that emerged only recently is the mortality rate. The initial comment was “only old people risk dying”. The thing is, younger people fighting between life and death last longer. They stay attached to a ventilator for weeks and while they do, they are not recorded as fatalities. In 2 weeks time from now, we might have a completely different picture of the mortality rate and its distribution by age. It will be too late then.

Without any restriction, we would easily find ourselves with thousands of people needing hospitalisation, yet resources – for example beds or ventilators – would be limited. The healthcare system doesn’t serve only coronavirus patients. On top of a pandemic, all activities must continue. Treating victims of accidents, cancer patients, performing operations, treating the sick, the list goes on. In Italy, doctors are forced to choose who dies and who lives.

The Finnish government has placed a bet on individual responsibility by not closing daycares. I beg you, if you can keep the kids home, do it. Every person counts, every missed social event counts. It’s all about minimising the likelihood of contagion and slowing the spread (here’s a simulation showing how social isolation helps). This will be a hard time for everyone and we need to shift into the mentality of making sacrifices.

I promise I will produce cheerful posts such as “10 crafts to keep you child busy during a pandemic” or “how not to murder your kids on day 15 of a quarantine” but right now I want to convey clearly how bad things can get. While my family wasn’t directly hit (yet), friends of friends are dying. It hits close. Few days ago, Bergamo, Italy, recorded that every 30 minutes someone was buried. Families have been decimated, including young parents dying.

“People are dying like dogs – nameless, a number among many” – says Roberta, her father died “My father wasn’t old and he wasn’t ill before”. She says the only noise she hears all day long is ambulance sirens. She leaves 10 or so messages of condolences daily on Facebook walls.

In Italy, people are forbidden from leaving home. In some areas, grocery shopping means queuing for hours because the store lets in only few people at a time. The police is enforcing the quarantine. Things can get much worse if we don’t wake up soon. Your individual choices now matter the most.

Now it’s really the time to look out for each other and be aware of how our choices affect our community. We’ll get through this. Stay healthy, #stayathome.

[1] Edited out. As a fellow mom kindly flagged, this phrasing sounded judgemental. We are all stressed and scared (awful combination!) and the last thing I want to do is to add conflict or pressure. I apologise for the bad choice of words. We are all doing the best we can, let’s keep on lifting each other <3.

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Part of the issue is that families do not engage in physical activities enough. By this I do not mean solely sports, but more broadly to be active and engage in play and activities than keep your body on the move. Luckily, public organisations like City of Helsinki are trying to change this. Today City of Helsinki launched a campaign called #HelsinkiLiikkuu (=Helsinki moves) in February 2020. According to their surveys, 80% of families do not move together daily. One of the initiatives is to improve visibility of physical activities available in the area. I like to call myself a converted lazy. I was empress of couch potatoes, but my intention to educate my children set me to change my habits for the better. Surprise, surprise, my own health and mood benefited greatly, and our family bond grew stronger.

Not everyone is aware that there is plenty of free or cheap sport activities for the whole family available in the capital area. Here are some ideas for your children to have fun on the move.

#1. Go on a hike

Hiking is one of our favorite family activities since ever. It fits all ages and never gets dull. We are blessed to live in a country where nature is always at reach. Beside casual walks, there are several nature trails in Helsinki (and Espoo, Vantaa) with different lengths, sceneries, and difficulty levels. Some have public grills or campfire pits for you to grill a couple of sausages. If you want to have a preview of some hikes, our recommendations near Helsinki are Oittaa, Hannusmetsä, and Klassarinkierros.

#2. Swim boredom away

Swimming is a cheap hobby in the capital area. Children under 7 enter for free or for around 3 euros. Adults’ entrance fee is usually around 5 euros. There are several swimming halls available, and most have spaces and facilities for children. Moreover, City of Helsinki organises cheap swimming courses for children.

#3. Play sports together

City of Helsinki offers several opportunities for children or the whole family to engage in sports. From exercise sessions for toddlers to family ball games, there’s plenty to do for free or a low fee. Several activities are available also through Easy Sport. The Adult Education Institute routinely offers cheap sport classes for the whole family – why not trying Afro Dance with your little ones?

#4. Explore city playgrounds

I realise how many playgrounds there are in Finland whenever I go on holiday and finding one involves Google Maps and long walks. Playgrounds are sprinkled all over Helsinki and its surrounding area. They are a safe and simple place for children to let some steam off, climb, and socialise. A special mention goes to the three Angry Birds playgrounds in Espoo. When bad weather hits, you can visit family houses: indoors free-of-charge facilities where small ones can play with toys and other children, while parents enjoy coffee and conversation.

#5. Visit a museum

Not all museums and cultural sites are children-friendly, but many are in Finland. Don’t look indoors only! There are outdoors options like Suomenlinna, Seurasaari or the Botanical Garden to spend a day out and learn something new. Helsinki City Museum is free and entirely child-centered (it’s our favorite place to lose a hour when we visit the city center); Kiasma regularly organises workshops for children; the Natural History Museum and the Korkeasaari Zoo are other popular choices.
Culture in Finland is affordable. You can invest in a Museum Card, which gives you access year round to most sites. Alternatively, many museums regularly allow visitors in for free.

#6. Ski among trees

Cross-country skiing is an exciting activity to try with kids. Children as young as 4 can learn and younger kids might be towed on a sledge. Paloheinä is a popular winter center in Helsinki and if you don’t own skiis, you can rent them. If you are like myself when I moved here and know nothing of winter sports, you’ll be pleased to learn that Paloheinä has courses for small children with or without an adult to introduce you to this new hobby.

#7. Treasure hunt with geocaching

Geocaching is a world-known free hobby and I’m pleased to announce it’s popular in Finland too. Treasure hunting provides a perfect excuse to drag kids of all ages out and about. Frankly, it’s fantastic for adults too! We’ve been recently sucked into it, it fits all ages and provides motivation and rewards to go on long walks.

#8. Climb on your bikes

You don’t have to wait for summer to hop on your bike. As long as there is no ice, cycling is rewarding. Don’t underestimate small children: last summer my 4 and 6 year olds would bike 8 km. Helsinki has over 1200 km of bicycle paths, all over town and through forests. There are several recommended bicycle routes for you to try. Or you can build your own with the help of the Journey Planner.

#9. Dust off your ice-skates

Now that you live here, you need to make your peace with winter sports because even if you hide, they’ll find you. You probably have come across the ice-skating ring near the main railway station. As you can see, it’s quite cheap. There are several outdoor skating rings across Helsinki, free-of-charge and open to the public. Oulunkylä hosts an indoor skating ring.

#10. Care for nature

Helsinki offers residents chances to have an active role in caring for its nature. The initiative “Good Things Grow in Helsinki” calls for volunteers to shape the green areas and clean parks. It’s an hands-on educational opportunity for the whole family.
Another option is to rent a garden allotment for your family to grow vegetables. The open farm Haltiala allows visitors to pick flowers and peapods for free. And of course you’re free to pick berries, wild herbs and mushrooms in forests any time.

There is plenty of opportunities for your family to spend quality time together without hurting the wallet. To learn more about the campaign, like the Facebook page, follow the Instagram or Twitter feed, and keep an eye on the webpage. Join me and post on social media how you keep your family on the move with the hashtag #HelsinkiLiikkuu.

Featured image by The Slow Photography.

The post 10 Low-Cost Activities in Helsinki to Keep Your Family Healthy #HelsinkiLiikkuu appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Expectations around parents have grown tenfold since the previous generation. There’s way more research on child development, attachment, and more, and all these information are ready available on the internet. They populate our social media feed, our friends’ online and IRL conversations, and become impossible to ignore. The pressure creates a climate where everyone is forced on a guilt trip.

We end up feeling we have to stay up to date. Are we feeding our kids right? Are we spending enough time with them? Are we stimulating them intellectually? Do they spend enough time outdoors? Are we yelling too much? Are we fostering their emotional development? The list is endless. This is recipe for mental breakdown.

The answer is: balance. And factoring in your own well-being into the equation. I hate play pretend (ironic, given it was my favorite as a child) and I declared to my kids that I won’t play that. Ask daddy. I’m open to do other things, like reading, playing boardgames, go outside.. whatever. But if they want to play pretend, I’m not their gal.

Over the years I cut *regular* pockets of self-care for myself. I used to see it as time stolen from my family, but turns out it serves them in the end. First of all, it is a powerful example for my children about the importance of loving and caring for oneself. I do not want them to have my same attitude of self-flagellation. Children learn from what parents do, not what parents say. Walk the talk.

In addition, taking care of my well-being allows me to not develop any resentment and to truly enjoy and cherish the time I spend with my children.

When I say self-care I don’t mean only going to the gym or out with friends regularly. I include declaring I need half hour rest and that they need to play on their own, refusing to play a game that I hate, setting boundaries. I meet my kids’ needs 99% of my time, all my short-term and long-term life choices revolve around them… I refuse to feel guilt for the tiny portion I claim for myself.

Beside the rant on motherhood not being spelled martyrdom, there’s boredom. My generation of on-demand everything and instant gratification is terrified of it. However, boredom is a precious resource for children. It’s the space where their imagination and creativity can flourish. If you keep your children entertained at all hours, you’re doing them a disservice.

Although we do not want to surrender to it, the truth is that there’s no recipe for parenting. Having this load of information and worldwide support networks at the tip of our fingers is overwhelming but also empowering.

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Studying maths

My life was rocked at 16 when my high school maths teacher entered the classroom for the first time. I had always been gifted with maths and logic, but that day I knew I wanted to become a mathematician. A couple of years later, when it was time to choose my major, I ignored all advice and followed what I felt was right. My parents, teachers, classmates told me mathematics would never put food on my table. Nowadays I am a project manager, yet I never regretted that decision. I have spent almost a decade studying a subject I deeply loved and that’s something.
(for the record, maths paid the bills for 5 years ).

Moving abroad

Nine years ago, at age 24, I left my family, friends, and boyfriend behind and moved to Finland on my own. I didn’t know one thing about Finland, for real. I couldn’t name any Finnish brand or had any idea how life would look like. I did it to escape my childhood home and to pursue my studies. It was scary as hell, yet it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

Reporting sexual harassment at work

It took me a long while to see what was going on, but I don’t blame myself. This is how predators act, turning on the temperature slowly without you realising it’s gotten to boiling point. My reality check was when a fellow colleague was physically assaulted. When I reported him, I was dead sure I would be fired and everything would be shushed. He was powerful. I did it because I realised this was bigger than me. In the end the workplace rewarded my bravery.

Loving fiercely my children

I wanted to title this section “adopt”, but it would be misleading. We opened our home and hearts to children who needed both. While I hate when strangers compliment me on it (they have no clue and these matters are very complex to say smart things about them), in my heart I am proud because I know it’s been a long and tough journey, one that required – still does – plenty of faith and patience. The hard part wasn’t the decision nor the bureaucracy, it’s slowly building relationships that often gives back little to nothing.

Accepting the relationship with my parents

Realising that the relationship with my parents would never be what I wanted and needed it to be was tough. When it comes to strained relationships with close family, we all want to retain a grain of hope that the situation can be recovered. After years of attempts, fights, compromises, talks, I finally got to a point where I understood this would never happen and somehow made peace with it. This was deeply saddening to do in the moment, but turned out to be liberating in the long run.

Following my dream

Last year I realised what sector I really wanted to work in. I didn’t have the right qualifications and I would leave behind better paying roles. It wasn’t an easy search and in the end I have been more lucky than I deserved landing the perfect position for my skills and ambitions… but leaving my previous job and turning down better paying offers required plenty of courage!

Opening my heart to someone

Loving my kids required courage, but also opening up to my husband did. Letting him in and showing my less-attractive traits, my deepest fears, and my vulnerabilities has probably been the bravest thing I have done in my entire life. We all long to be seen, yet exposing our vulnerabilities can be terrifying. Rejection is totalising when someone has really known you and still choses to have you out of his life. Keeping a little distance is a way to preserve yourself. Revealing your deepest fears to someone it’s like handing them the ultimate weapon that can kill you and hoping they won’t use it. Ever. Even if the relationship and context will change. Researcher and speaker Brenè Brown reveals how this rite of passage is unavoidable to live a wholehearted life. There can be a huge reward if you dare to step in there.

Developing self-compassion

Unfortunately my family not only failed to provide me with the great tool self-compassion is, but left me with a well engrained self-loathing machinery within. For years I have run towards unreachable goals, little enjoyed rewards, and focused on my failures. Developing self-compassion (which turned to be essential to develop compassion for others!) required me to disassemble everything I was, every little natural pattern, every pathway of my mind, and rebuild completely. Having to keep my awareness active on every small decision and live out of my comfort zone for so long was exhausting and a thousand times I got this close to giving up. But I didn’t.

Facing depression

Depression has walked with me since puberty. Some episodes were easier than others. Sometime I got myself out of it, sometime I couldn’t do it without a hand. How many times I thought that was the last time. After this I will be forever healed. I don’t know if I will never suffer from it again, I can’t tell. What I know is that I have pulled myself out of it over and over. And that takes strength and courage. If you have had depression, you very well know how you have little of both when you’re prey of it. For a long time I have tortured myself for falling depressed multiple times, but recently I have decided to switch my perspective and celebrate that I have instead overcome it several times and come out stronger.

Sticking to my values

I have made a great load of mistakes in my life, but I am proud to say that I have always sticked to my core values. In general, I have never been someone who takes the easy road. I can think of hundreds of times when I have definitely not chose convenient over fair. While it’s mostly felt natural – even though hardly easy – I know now it’s something few people are capable of doing. Standing up for what’s right always requires courage and I am proud I have had it in small and big decisions until now.

Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Featured image by SnapwireSnaps from Pixaba.

The post The 10 Bravest Things I Ever Did appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

• Love your kid unconditionally.  It is important that you let your kids know that they are loved even when they fail or make bad choices.  Remember that this is the foundation of upbringing confident kids.  When they know that they are loved and accepted no matter what, they feel that they can do anything they set their mind to because they will always have your support.

• Be kind to yourself.  Everything you do is right in the eyes of a child.  Hence, you need to show your kids that you love yourself.  Be a model advocating self-love, acceptance, and positivity so that your kids will learn to emulate this healthy habit.

• Give credit where credit is due.  Kids give high regards to their caregiver’s thoughts and opinions.  Therefore, it is of utmost importance that you shower them with praises and positive feedback as this is how they measure their worth.  However, you need to be careful in giving praises. For instance, if a child lacks talent at something or if he fails, commend the effort he exerted and dwell too much on the result.  Tell him that some things need more time, effort, and practice, and that it’s okay to not do everything perfectly.  The important thing is that he has given his best shot.  Remember that confidence comes from the process of trying, failing, and trying again.

• Assign house chores.  Kids feel powerful when they are given the chance to show their capabilities.  They will feel that they are needed and that their contribution is deeply valued at home even when they are still toddlers.  You can ask small things to do.  This includes simple tasks such as setting the table or putting dirty clothes in the basket.   

• Teach the importance of doing and trying again.  Failures, pain, setbacks, and criticism are inevitable in life.  No one succeeds at everything all the time so teach your child to not dwell on mistakes and failures. Use those disappointments as a golden opportunity to teach your child to not give up.  But don’t forget to validate their feelings as this will teach your child that failures are okay but can be managed.  Discuss what your child can do to succeed next time.  When he succeeds later on, he will surely be proud of his achievement.

• Take a step back.  Confident kids are eager to try out something new without any fear or reservations.  Let your child do things on his own but watch from the sidelines.  For instance, you can show him how to make his sandwich and let him try it later on without interfering.  Make sure that you set up a safe situation where he can practice without any intervention.  Let him explore so he can discover new things and learn that he can handle various situations on his own.

• Support your child’s interest.  When you or your child discover something that he excels in, hone that talent or skill.  It might not be something that you like but it is important that you respect and encourage him to pursue it. For instance, if your son shows interest in playing the guitar, you can teach him if you know how.  Or better yet, ask him if he is wants to take classes.  But make sure to set rules so that this does not interfere with his school work. The important thing in this tip is that he sticks to what he loves so that he is more proud of his accomplishment later on when he sees through it.

•  Let your kid make age-appropriate decisions.  Doing so empowers them while helping them think of the consequences later.  For instance, you can ask them what they want to wear.  If you are not that comfortable with letting them take the reigns, you can let them choose between two options that are okay with you.  Example, you can ask him “do you want to wear this red shirt or this blue shirt”. 

Fostering positive self-esteem in kids in an early age is totally doable.  You will need to love yourself and your child unconditionally, give him praises, trust that he can do what he intends to do, and take an active interest in his passion.  Over time, your child will learn how to value himself as you do.

About the author

Elkyra Park is a first-time mom who can no longer count how many baby products she has reviewed for her sanity and her son’s sake.  She discusses about the realities of parenthood and how to gracefully cope with the struggles over at Easy Parenting Hacks.

Featured photo by Porapak Apichodilok from Pexels

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Promotes healthy relationships and communication

Three out of five people spend more time on their electronics than with their significant other. This sobering fact alone may be powerful enough to reduce device usage.
A digital detox promotes healthy relationships which are important for a healthy mind. You’ll be able to spend more time with loved ones. The relationship between a parent and a child is especially important. Children take after their role models, so it’s time to set an example. Encourage time away from their screens. Instead, find activities involving physical activity to promote a healthier lifestyle.
Furthermore, communicating behind a screen and face-to-face are different. Face-to-face interactions establish good mannerisms, people skills and understanding.

A refreshed mind from better sleep

Melatonin is a hormone involved in the regulation of sleep. Electronic screens emit a blue light that suppresses melatonin. This causes the user to feel more alert.
Those who use their phone before going to sleep don’t get enough quality sleep. Try to incorporate a two-hour digital detox before going to sleep. Wind down before bedtime with a book, the daily paper, or chatting to a loved one.
The best formula for a good nights sleep is to unplug and ensure you have a relaxed sleep-inducing environment digitally. Take extra steps to ensure this by setting the room to be the right temperature and using curtains or blinds to avoid lights from outside filtering through windows. Taking these small steps are guaranteed to result in a better nights sleep!

Improves mental health

One in five people identified technology as a source of stress. Electronic device use can take a toll on your mental health. Whether it be social media, isolation or even connection problems.
Immoderate device use aligns with higher scores in depression, anxiety and impulsive behaviour. Furthermore, social media has set an unhealthy mindset in some individuals. Receiving notifications and likes on social media correlates with dopamine release in the brain. This fosters unhealthy comparisons and validation seeking, leading to an impact on self-confidence.  

Improves physical health

Electronic device use promotes poor posture. Chronic use elongates the muscles of the back and shoulders. This contributes to a hunched posture. Forward head posture will also develop due to neck strain.
Spending less time on tech devices may equate to less sedentary behaviours. This allows for more time to focus on healthy behaviours and carry out physical activity. As those living a sedentary lifestyle will also be more likely to develop a mental disorder.

More spare time to relax your mind

The average person touches their phone over 2000 times a day. While this figure may be hard to swallow, imagine how much spare time you would have if you reduced this number? Put away your phone when carrying out an important task or turn your phone on silent mode. Eliminating the distraction will give you more free time to carry out things that matter to you. 

Increases productivity

Multitasking involves two processes; goal shifting and goal activation. Glancing at or using a smartphone during a specific task requires time. First, to re-orientate yourself and then, to focus on the required task.
A digital detox will promote increased focus at the task at hand for effective and efficient completion.
There’s no doubt technology makes life easier. The internet itself gives us unlimited capabilities for searching and accessing information. But sometimes it’s good to take a break from your digital life. Unplug your devices and unwind during your next digital detox.

About the author

Johanna Cider is a freelance writer who has happily collaborated with numerous blogs and sites. When she feels the need for a digital detox, she and her friends like to go stargazing. Find out more about Johanna and her written works on Musings of Johanna.

If you liked this article, you may like:
Digital Detox for Parents
Digital Parenting: Our Screen Time Rules

The post 6 Reasons Why You Need a Digital Detox Now – a guest post appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Society wires women to have a negative relationship with their body. Since girlhood we dwell in shame. Our body becomes the target of unwanted attentions as soon as we enter puberty and society’s expectation is that it’s our sole responsibility to preserve or defend it. We are taught that our period is something disgusting that should be hidden, a curse; even tampons commercials use the message of setting us free from our cycle. We are expected to look perfect according to standards we didn’t establish, no matter the cost for our well-being: from high heels to make up, from anti-ageing products to even surgery.

In other words, we are taught our body isn’t ours to enjoy. We are taught our body is meant to serve and please others regardless of what we want. We are taught that it is a liability and our vulnerability.

Personally, all this baggage piled up over the years contributed to my intolerance towards my body and its natural functions. My body was never enough – enough slim, enough curvy, enough beautiful, enough sexy – until it suddenly was too much – too exposed, too provocative. How could I feel good inside my skin? Then my children came and they needed it. They used it and frankly, they were the only ones who had a good reason and a right to do so. But I was done. I desperately wanted to own and be in control of my body for once in my life. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t pretty. But I have now learned that big changes always come with a storm. I can see now how motherhood – in both the shapes I have been blessed with – gave me a chance to regain control of my body for the first time.

The first sign of this transformation came when I realised I didn’t need to obsessively remove my body hair. Mind you, I was extremely self-conscious about that. If I would spot one single hair on my leg, I would choose not to wear a skirt or go to the pool. The new life situation when my daughter was born sent this madness to the bottom of the priority list. I spent the first months of her life struggling to fulfil my basic needs, definitely not at the top of my looks, and something had to give. But hey… I didn’t die! My husband didn’t find me any less attractive! And would I really skip the baby swim class because I hadn’t had the time to wax? No way. New set of priorities, first step towards body liberation.

Another speck of enlightenment came in my sexual life, another chapter that postpartum had rocked not for the better. It took me years, but at some point I decided that I had a right to my own pleasure. I deserved it. My body had gone through a lot and deserved to be treated right. My pleasure in intimacy started climbing to the top of the priority list. Not that my partner had denied me anything, it was truly my fault: I didn’t have the courage to ask. For the first time I caressed the idea, what if my pleasure becomes the rule and not the exception?

Slowly, step by step, I realised how powerful my body is. It created, grew, and carried a human being. It healed afterwards. It fed a baby. It is a source of comfort for my children, capable of soothing their deepest fears and even their physical pain. Indeed, my body is also made for serving others, but not in the way the world had led me to believe. Not as a sexual object, but as a force of creation and a source of love. Shifting into this perspective motivated me to take better care of myself. I started listening carefully, I am learning to understand my body’s language. I try to keep it healthy and strong. I have learned to respect it. Finally, I have claimed my body back.

The post Claiming My Body Back appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

We are not the “greenest” family but we have embarked on a journey of small changes, and improved our lifestyle targeting sustainability and ethical consumer choices over the years. We used to produce a lot of waste, we struggled to change our diet, and we chose comfort over sustainability more times than we care to admit to. If you feel you’d like to make moderate changes and do not know where to start from, this post is for you. If you commit to challenge one habit every month you’ll be in a completely different place a year from now!

#1: Use reusable shopping bags

Reusable bags are easy to find nowadays. Commit to use only them. I keep mine in the car trunk to make sure I remember them when I go shopping. An additional tip is to keep a couple of compactly folded plastic bags in your purse.
There’s another trick in my hat to minimise plastic consumption while shopping: I keep a small container filled with small plastic bags for veggies and fruits in my handbag. Wherever allowed, I put veggies on the scale with no container and stick the label directly on them. Otherwise, I use my own bags and avoid getting new ones. Whenever you visit a store and you are offered a plastic bag, consider if you really need it or you can shove things in your handbag.

#2: Switch to the menstrual cup and reusable pads

This section is women only. Years ago I stopped using disposable pads during my period. It was a game changer in terms of user experience, economic convenience, and sustainability. I have written about my experience with the menstrual cup here. In addition, I use reusable pads. You do not need both, but an additional layer makes me feel more comfortable. Use this online calculator to check how much money and waste you are going to save by leaving disposable pads or tampons behind.

#3: Get rid of stuff

You don’t have to go full-way minimalist, but a severe round of decluttering can help a lot. Months ago my husband and I took on the herculean task of decluttering our house. You wouldn’t believe how many cubic meters of space we freed. I thought I was smarter than our moms who have 30 year old things stored free of purpose, yet I was baffled by how much useless junk I had kept. The amount of stuff we own is directly proportional to decades of consumerism brainwashing. I highly recommend to do the same and free space in your house. Then stop and reflect in your shopping habits, otherwise you will not be any wiser in 6 months.

#4: Shop second-hand or responsibly

Shopping second-hand items is popular in Finland (check out my FIN-ENG vocabulary). I have taken on to shop most of my own clothes in second hand shops because the local offer is wide – I am aware I could not do the same in Italy. Nowadays thanks to Ebay and Marketplace, used items are easy to find. I think second-hand is especially smart when it comes to children’s accessories and clothes, as typically you need them for a short period of time. Over the years I have formed a complex ring of hands-me-down with friends. Then there’s always the option of borrowing instead of buying. We have completely lost that habit, haven’t we. If you live near Helsinki, be aware libraries lend plenty of objects. Contribute to a circular economy.
Following up on decluttering, commit to quality over quantity. I know ethical brands are more expensive, but do you really need five shirts that will lose dye or go out of trend in a year or can you buy one good quality and durable shirt instead? Build a personal list of favourite ethical brands and commit to support them. Learn to wait and save, remind yourself of why you are doing it. 

#5: Cut on online shopping

I have written in the past about the risks of online shopping. Retailers always swing the same bate in front of our eyes to make us forget about hidden costs: convenience. It’s so damn hard to resist the urge to buy if our object of desire is one click and a free delivery away. This is something we are still working on as a family. My aim is to walk into physical shops as much as I can. What helps: setting a monthly budget for online shopping, keeping grocery lists for different stores or categories (I recommend the app Wunderlist), and in general accepting that convenience is not a good guiding light for an ethical and sustainable lifestyle.

#6: Plan all meals

In our family, we have virtually no leftovers. We have cut the food we throw in the trash to almost zero. The main reason is that I sit down before our weekly grocery shopping round and carefully plan the week meals. I enter the store knowing exactly what I need and how much of it. Regular family life helps in planning a week ahead, we rarely have surprises in our schedule. Wasting food may still happens, but it’s an exception as it should be.

#7: Bring your own container

There are many occasions where we are invited to use single-use items that we could replace with reusable ones. An example from my routine: I used to get coffee from the work cafeteria in a disposable mug, until I took on the habit to take my travel mug along and fill that instead. I know more and more cafe chains are cutting on plastic cups, yet bringing your own container is way more impactful. About 16 billion disposable coffee cups go to waste every year. That’s a staggering figure! Similarly, use reusable containers to store or bring along food. Please ban straws forever from your household. Some stores allow customers to refill detergent bottles or even water bottles: use that option if you can. For worldwide figures on plastic waste, check out this fact sheet.

#8: Use cloth napkins

I was raised in a household using cloth napkins, but I realised as an adult this is not the standard way. Several families use kitchen paper or single-use napkins at every meal. Don’t! Purchase cloth napkins and wash them regularly. Beside being a sustainable choice, it’s a simple way to cut a useless expense from your family budget. I don’t wash them after every meal, usually I change them once a week or so (depending on how dirty they get). 
Another small habit you can change is to bring your own cutlery to picnics or trips, as opposed to using plastic.

#9: Ban liquid hands soap

Soap bars are (1) cheaper, (2) way more durable, and (3) produce less plastic waste than liquid hands soap. The liquid soap fever started when the fear of soap bars being unsanitary spread. That myth has been discredited by several scientific studies, but the convenience of pressing a finger on a dispenser made the habit stick.
I should mention that liquid soap is not a soap bar in liquid form. Liquid soap is full of chemicals, while soap bars are mostly fat (not necessarily animal fat). Even liquid soap production requires more energy and produces more waste. This is a small yet very impactful habit you can change in your household!

#10: Save water

As obvious as it may sounds, save water. Be critical of your personal or household’s impact on water consumption. You can check how you are doing using this list and set on improving your habits. Even more important, teach your kids to do the same. Recently I have noticed how my kids empty their water glasses in the sink when they clean their spot at the dinner table. I’m planning a way to spare that water and use it to water my indoor plants. There’s always space to improve. Another way to save water, among other things, is to change your diet. Animal agriculture uses about one third of the world’s drinkable water. I am not advocating for you to go vegetarian, but cutting on meat consumption can help the planet a lot:  I have recently shared how I did it and I hope to inspire other meat-lovers to do the same.

Choose one habit and start today. Commit to change one habit every month and you’ll have tremendous impact. Do you have anything to add to my list? What works for your family? Comment down below and let me know.

The post 10 Small Lifestyle Changes To Live Greener – Sustainable Family Lifestyle appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

What is the menstrual cup?

The menstrual cup is a cup made of silicone or latex rubber that is inserted in the vaginal canal to catch and collect period blood. Its insertion is similar to the vaginal ring, if you have ever used it: you fold the cup, insert in a comfortable position, and release. To remove it, pinch its extension and delicately pull. The cup comes in two sizes available (pre- and post vaginal birth). If you have special conditions and want to know more, check out this FAQ section.

An affordable and sustainable option

You can estimate how much money and waste a menstrual cup will save by using this online calculator. A cup There’s no doubt that it’s convenient both in terms of money and eco-friendliness. The cup annihilates the waste you’d produce with pads or tampons. A cup costs around 15-20 euros and lasts for years – accounts here vary. Some guidelines says to replace every year, but that’s definitely too short. I have been using mine for 4 and counting!

Does it work?

Being it, well, a plug, it ends up working better than tampons and pads. I find it convenient especially at night, even during the days when the flood is intense. After years of leaking on the bedsheets almost every month, it was refreshing not to! Sometime, however, my cup does leak. It may be because it’s not well inserted or because it’s full, but few drops – no more than that – have skipped out. This is why I feel most comfortable to combine with the usage of washable pads. When I combine the two, I never have accidents.

Is it convenient?

Definitely. For example, using the cup allows me to go swim utterly worry-free. Whenever I pack for a trip, I don’t have to use any luggage space for tampons or pads. I have stopped worrying about having tampons in the house, I’m always equipped.
The cup can last up to 12 hours, so you do not have to regularly find a place to change it when you are out of the house. Personally, I need to lie down to change it. This is another reason why I chose to have the washable pads as a further insurance. On a long work day, I remove it and finish the day with the washable pad. However, in theory you should be able to change it my standing, whatever feels comfortable for you.

Is it comfortable to use?

Putting the cup in or pulling it out does not bother me. For a long time, I did not feel it at all. In recent years I occasionally feel some light discomfort – the kind you feel only when you start thinking about it, you know. On such days, I use the cup only during nighttime and the washable pads during the day.
Tampons felt uncomfortable and occasionally pads would give me a rash. Nothing of the sort ever happened with the cup!

Where can you find it

There are several producers selling menstrual cups. Two renowned and respectable brands are Mooncup and Lunette (the latter based in Finland, btw). Nowadays, you can find menstrual cups from plenty of retailers, like eco-friendly stores (ex. Ruohonjuuri), pharmacies, sometime hypermarkets. You can buy one also online (ex. Myllymuksut, Amazon).

The menstrual cup is a fantastic everyday asset for women. We do not need pads or tampons anymore! Did you know about the cup? If not, will you give it a try? If you have questions or remarks, let me know in the comments section below.

The post Leave Tampons Behind – My Experience With The Menstrual Cup appeared first on The Elephant Mum.