What is a support family?

A support family (tukiperhe in Finnish) assists another family struggling by regularly taking care of their child (or children). The family builds a relationship with the support child (tukilapsi) and usually hosts her for a weekend every month. The relationship can last for some time (for example few months) or go on for longer – there is flexibility. This is a powerful form of support for family preservation.

Families that request a support family are usually going through a rough patch, for example a divorce, a death in the family, mental health issues, or they might have children with special needs, foster children, and so on. There is a wide variety of reasons why a family might need support for some time. I know many of my readers are immigrants like myself and they will get what I mean! Volunteering as a support family means giving concrete respite to another family, preserve their well-being, and even prevent a family breakdown. It’s a vital form of prevention.

Our experience

We became support family to a Finnish girl (now age 12) back in 2016. We had this opportunity by fate, so we didn’t go through the standard process and bureaucray. The girl (I call her U on my blog) had just turned 9 when we met her and didn’t speak English… and we didn’t speak fluent Finnish. That was awkward for a while, but we made it work and U improved her English quickly (she gave up on our Finnish skills quite fast ).

This is where it gets tough to find the words. We saw this timid girl flourish in the past few years. She benefited greatly from the relationship we built and we did too. Our kids call her sister and she became a member of our family.

Beside the language, it was challenging to find activities interesting for children of different ages – sometime it still is – but we always made it work. We also quickly realised that was she needed the most were relaxing boring family weekends, and not going to exciting places every single time. Growing familiar with each other has been a process for all of us.

Meeting by meeting it all built up to positive impact on her. It is making a difference in her life and that is all that matters. When U is with us, we just carry on with our family life. On some weekends we do something special – a small trip for example – but in most cases we just do normal family stuff. We play together, we cook and eat, we watch movies, and so on.

How to become a support family in Finland

You can sign up with several associations to become a support family. As far as I know, Save the Children is the only one providing training in English language. To sign up as a support family you can fill this form. You will go through a short training (about 4 hours in total), express your preferences and availability, and then wait for a match (that you will have to approve). I had a call with Olga, the project coordinator at Save The Children, and she told me there are over a hundred children waiting for a match. Your help is much needed!
Support families receive a small financial support to cover expenses.

What if you don’t speak Finnish?

While Olga told me that the best scenario is the one where at least one adult in the support family speaks fluent Finnish, it doesn’t mean you should not apply if no one in your family speaks Finnish. We are a walking example that it can work regardless.

Moreover, there are several support children that come from multilingual families. You might be a perfect match for someone struggling to find your set of language skills. Alternatively, an older child might be fluent enough in English to be able to communicate with your family. Olga told me there are some children waiting for a match that come from multicultural families. Imagine how easier the transition would be for them if they’d meet with a family with cultural roots similar to their own or speaking the same language they use at home. Don’t let your language skills stop you, they can even be an asset!

What if I need a support family myself?

While I wrote this post with a clear agenda to recruit new support families :D, I want to take the chance to share some information to allow multicultural families to benefit from this form of support. Like I mentioned above, this is a kind of temporary peer-to-peer support for families going through a rough patch. If you feel you are struggling with your daily life and that having a free weekend a month could make a difference for your family, this is an option you can consider. Or if you feel your child can benefit from developing a safe relationship with another family, this might be what you need.

If you want to get more information, contact Save the Children. To sign up and request a support family, fill this form (in Finnish but Google Translate does a good job and you can fill it in English).
There is no shame in asking for help, quite the opposite: it takes courage and strength to reach out. Please check also this list of resources for families.

I hope sharing our experience will inspire others to volunteer as a support family. Giving money to good causes is important, but giving time is equally impactful and needed. Time is the currency of love and some children or family need that more than ever.
My readers know we adopted our son. Adoption is not a feel-good story, but the dramatic consequence of failure in family preservation. Being a support family holds the power to prevent trauma and suffering, and requires a low investment of time and commitment. I hope you will consider making space in your busy schedule for this form of giving. It gives back tenfold, I promise.

I want to express my gratitude to Olga from Save The Children for answering all my questions on the matter. If time is really something you cannot spare, please consider donating to support Save the Children’s work in Finland.

The post Being a Support Family in Finland (as Foreigners) appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Here in Finland, children speaking a secondary language can access free afternoon classes to learn it (one hour a week I believe). However, these classes are organised far from where we live and I heard many parents complaining of their low quality. Part of the issue is that the school groups together children with different language levels. This arrangement didn’t sound effective and worthwhile to me, so I have decided to go solo, at least for now. Since I know that many families around the world struggle with the same challenges, I am sharing what worked for us.

Set goals

It is important to set overall language goals for your children as well as progressive targets. Personally this year I wanted for R to learn to read fluently as well as assimilate few grammar rules. What level of fluency and skill do you want your child to reach? What can you feasibly achieve in few months? Write down a timeline. We used a book with linear structure and chapters, so I leveraged that to set a roadmap for the year. I then complemented the plan with self-made exercise sheets and other books.

Stick to a schedule

Don’t be casual about carving time for this. Schedule a regular time on the calendar and stick to it as much as possible. If it turns out not to be a good time (i.e. the child is too tired or other commitments often jump the line), change it but be consistent. Holidays or social distancing are opportunities to add extra lessons.
Leave some margin in your plan, because a year is a long time and the child’s motivation and commitment might fluctuate.

Motivate with small rewards

Sticker sheets are the way. R gets to apply a sticker a the end of each lesson. For this, it’s important to define what one lesson is: is it a completed chapter? A series of exercises? Is it bound by time?
Every five sticker she can access a prize and the prize size increases over time. Rewards don’t have to be expensive: small toys, candies, a comic book (you see what I’m doing there), a colouring book.

Encourage but don’t force it

Let’s face it, for the child this is extra work. Motivating and encouraging is legit, but understand where the line is. If the child identifies this as a chore, it will be hard to recover. No one likes to be forced to learn! During the year we took breaks as I saw R’s commitment teeter. We started these classes last summer and for instance she was extra tired and stressed when she started preschool. I allowed her to adapt to the new changes and it paid off.

Make it fun

It is not feasible to sit a young child school-style for a hour or so. I alternated formal exercises with videos -Youtube is full of songs and videos on Italian grammar, I found – and small learning games. Examples of games were:
the hangman game;
whenever we studied a chapter on a letter, we had to mime in turns things starting with that letter for the other to guess;
in turns we would name a letter and the other had to find something in the room starting with it as fast as possible.
This motivated R to do her exercises, as she was striving to complete to play with me.
Moreover, this can be fun for parents too! Beside the playing bit, I enjoyed creating personal exercise sheets to complement the books we used.

I hope this is useful to other multilingual families. Do you have more tips or resources to share? Please add them to the comments for my and my readers’ benefit. If this post was interesting or useful, I’d love to hear your feedback as well. Happy learning!

Recommended posts:
Book review of “Be Bilingual”.
Interview to sociologist Soile Pietikäinen on bilingualism in families: part I and part II.

Risorse per genitori italiani

Dato tutto il tempo che ho speso nel ricercare e creare risorse, sono più che felice di condividerle con i miei colleghi genitori.
Un sito fa-vo-lo-so è Fantavolando. Ha una marea di risorse e schede per varie età.
I libri possono essere ordinati da Amazon.it. Quelli che abbiamo utilizzato per il primo anno sono stati:
Il mio primo sillabario di Manuela Duca
Imparo le lettere con il libro lavagna. Questo è carino per imparare la grafia perché si può cancellare e riscrivere ad infinitum.
Imparo a scrivere in stampatello maiuscolo e minuscolo. Esercizi da pre-grafia fino a brevi frasi.
Ho anche creato alcune schede di esercizi e grammatica che sono felice di condividere: scaricale da qui.
Se avete altre risorse o idee, per favore condividetele con me. E fatemi sapere se questi consigli vi sono utili, è sempre bello avere del feedback!

Featured image by Angelina Litvin on Unsplash.

The post Bilingual Kids – Our Experience Teaching a Second Language appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

#1. Bonding

Reading is quality time you spend with your children. It’s about cutting a quiet moment out of a busy day, sitting down, and focusing on interacting with them. For children, attention equals love. Reading together is a fantastic opportunity for connection. My son is a lively boy, yet he is always willing to sit down whenever I offer to read to him. It is a special moment we shared.

#2. Enrich language(s)

No matter if you are a monolingual or a multilingual family, reading is a phenomenal tool to expand your child’s vocabulary. Beside the “classic” illustrated books of words, I make a point of picking books that display as many different situations and contexts as possible: family, school, play, fantasy worlds, animals, and so on. Books introduce children to terms that rarely belong to spoken language. I am very proud of how rich our children’s vocabulary is, and I guarantee that most of the credit goes to all the hours we spent reading together.

#3. Cultivate culture(s)

Children can learn plenty about other cultures from reading and watching illustrations. We have built a good collection of books about India, the minority culture in our family. We regularly read about traditions, festivals, deities, stories, and more. Books can be windows into other countries or cultures.

#4. Teach values

I regularly mine libraries and online stores to find children’s reads that teach our family’s set of values, such as kindness, compassion, diversity, respect for others. I have used books to teach my children how to say no, to respect others’ boundaries, and much more. Personally we are not believers, but books can be a way to introduce the child to the family’s religion(s). I have proof that this works, because my children often comment real life’s situations referring to the stories we read.

#5. Support development milestones

Tales can be a parent’s best friend during challenging times like… potty training. I have used books to help my children give up the pacifier, toilet train, sleep better, calm fears, start daycare, start school… I mean, we ourselves often turn to self-help books to improve our lives, relationships, businesses, so why can’t it be the same for kids?

#6. Educate

I use books to introduce my children to cool subjects like robotics, space, how the human body works. Beside “curricular subjects”, stories have supported also the emotional development of my children (read my top 10 children’s books to explore feelings). Whether you teach life skills or academic knowledge, your children have a lot to gain from books.

Reading is a cornerstone of our family life and a huge superpower for parents. I hope I have convinced you to pick up reading to children as a habit. I recommend you include it in your routine. Choose a moment of the day when you can commit to do it daily, like bedtime or during morning commute. I promise, you will not go back.

The post 6 Reasons Why Reading to Children is a Parent’s Superpower appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

A foreword on Scandinavian societies

Scandinavian societies are cool because they are founded on the value of equality. However, there’s a dark side to it: different and stranger become synonyms with bad. Individualism, may it be in the form of personal success or struggle, is generally despised. Entire books have been written on the topic (see for example The Almost Nearly Perfect People by Michael Booth) and here I’m only trying to give a rough idea of how things are. It doesn’t help that Finland is a relatively young and small country, kept together by a mild nationalistic sentiment. We, as foreigners, start off with the wrong foot in this country by definition. As of 2019, integration plans still aim to annihilate diversity and make foreigners melt into the homogeneous Finnish society. This is why you yourself have to be extremely aware of what your needs are and make informed choices. Diversity is simply not a value in Finnish society.

Define your own integration goals

Moving to a new country is stressful and many expats are in a rush to find a job. However, it pays off to take a moment to collect the facts and evaluate one’s decisions when it comes to deciding an integration path. There are several weights influencing the decision to learn Finnish language. In 9 years in Finland I have identified some.

Language level: people often talk about language learning like it’s a binary experience, either you know a language or you don’t. The reality is that language is multidimensional and tied to different contexts, vocabulary, writing skills, speaking and listening abilities. Try to imagine your life in Finland and assess what you will need language for. Do you need to understand mostly what’s going on in everyday life or you want to learn to read newspapers? Do you need Finnish for work or in your social life? Set your objectives, that’s a crucial first step.
Location: while the Helsinki area is international and liberal, other towns are not. If you live away from the capital area, probably you don’t have much of a choice than to learn Finnish.
Mobility: how long do you plan to be in Finland? Learning the local language takes years. My rule of thumb is not to engage if you plan to stay less than 6 years in Finland.
Work: what field would you like to work in? Some careers can be built with no Finnish knowledge (ex. IT), but in others you cannot do without (ex. hospitality, architects, …).
Resources: as mentioned above, learning Finnish is potentially a years-long affair, unless you have a personal talent for languages. To give you an idea, I could speak my first sentence after a year and a half of courses. Finnish grammar is hell. Are you ready to commit to time and money?
Social life: what kind of social life do you see yourself having? What are your hobbies and is Finnish language needed?
Active participation in society: is being up to date on news and having an active role in society important to you? If so, reading newspapers and debating would require fluent Finnish.

Finnish language and parenting

In the previous section, I have listed variables having to do with you as an individual. Parenting a child in Finland adds another dimension and a set of new angles.
A Finnish spouse: if your spouse is Finnish, knowing their native language could mean having a more active role in family interactions. Finnish could potentially become the shared family language (but don’t stop speaking your minority language with your child!).
You child’s social life: if your child is learning Finnish, it means she will have a circle of local friends. Knowing the basics allows you to interact with other parents at the daycare or school, feel confident when little friends visit for playdates, etc.
School interaction: I have only experience with daycare so far, but from what I have heard school-parent communications intensify in volume and content complexity when a child starts school. Not everything is translated into English and in some social occasions (ex. parents’ meetings or Whatsapp groups) the information flow will be solely in Finnish. If you have a Finnish spouse, no problemo. If you don’t, evaluate how involved you wish to be in your child’s school life. Put it down like that, it sounds like a leading phrase, but if you are one of those parents who’d rather die than be sucked into the school parents’ ecosystem, being a foreigner may become your Get Out of Jail Free card.

Is Swedish a viable alternative?

Again, the answer is maybe. Swedish-speaking Finns will try and sell it to you that Swedish is an official language, at the very same level than Finnish. You can totally live with Swedish language, yay! Don’t believe them. However, you shouldn’t trash the idea. Again, you should make a careful evaluation of your needs and plans.
– Swedish language is way easier (less stress, less time, less money)
– Swedish language skill are useful also in Sweden
– the community of Swedish-speaking Finns is tight and they tend to be more sensitive to the struggles of immigrants, being themselves a minority. In that group, everyone knows everyone: you have a shortcut to networking, which is essential in Finland. On the other hand, word travels fast in small communities, so abandon your hopes for discretion.
– being it an official language, communication in public offices or services is always offered in Swedish as well.

I warmly recommend this All Points North podcast episode to explore this alternative more in depth.

In case you wanna give Finnish a try…

The silver lining to the obsession of integration actors with Finnish language is that you will have all opportunities to do so if you wish to. Integration plans sponsor immigrants who want to give it a try. There are all sorts of courses: intensive, regular, even courses aimed at parents taking care of their children at home. This website collects Finnish courses all over Finland. The best in Helsinki are those offered by the Language Centre. The summer university also offers some. There are Finnish language cafes (kielikahvila) to help train speaking skills.

While this post may sound disillusioned and at points bitter, my main message is: choose the integration path that is best for you. Having children may influence your decision. Or things may change and you can revisit it later. To date, foreigners in Finland are pushed to learn the language indiscriminately of who they are, what they plan, what lifestyle they have. I hope these information will empower some to make informed and personal decisions when it comes to integration.

The post Should Expat Parents in Finland Learn Finnish? appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

My guest today is Kasia aka Kathy, who is currently living in Copenhagen, Denmark with her family, she is the founder of Active Action a company that facilitates workshops for Expat spouses/partners and provides consulting services. Kathy is also a writer and contributes on a regular basis to The International Denmark.

Kasia  was born in Poland, and due to very difficult times in the 80’s her parents decided to leave their homeland and go to USA. There, Kasia spent her formative years until her twenties when she decided  to go back to Poland, which she never really left behind. While living and working In Poland, she met her husband, who interestingly comes from a culturally blended family. Kasia moved to Denmark, where they settled and started a family.  Kasia’s  journey is a fascinating example of exploration of cultures as well as self-determination.

Can you share an overview of your background?

I was born in Poland, my parents are both Polish. Life just takes us on all these journeys. For my parents, it was what happened in Poland: the political changes and life itself made them think about what they wanted for their family. That, took us on a journey first to Germany and then to the United States as political refugees. From the age of 10 to 23 I lived in Chicago. I always felt a very strong tie to Poland, it was really, really such strong pull I had. Maybe it was because I had good memories as a child, I was very close with my grandparents. Because we started moving around when I was a child,  I am a Cross Cultural Adult, a Re-pat and an Expat, all in one.

You were in Germany for how long?

It was a year and a half, but I was very lucky in the sense of schools and teachers that I met. In Germany, I went to a special class for international kids. It was a small class, about 20 of us, with all sorts of international backgrounds. We had a great teacher, her job was to teach us German so that we could actually enter the German schools. I learned German in less than a year. When I found out that I could go to a German school, we got our visas and we moved to the US. Once again I had to start all over…

How did your family communicate?

My parents were quite strict with speaking Polish. When I became fluent in English I thought, this is great, now I can speak it also at home. My parents said no no no. They kept Polish as the family language. I’m very thankful because I had friends whose parents were more lenient  and left the mother tongue language behind to practice English. This of course had consequences.

My parents were very good about giving me a strong cultural base. We kept to our Polish traditions for example, celebrating the holidays in a traditional way. It wasn’t easy because our family was back in Poland, and for a long time the holidays were almost a sad thing. We couldn’t visit because at that time communism was raging in Poland. If we were to go back, we wouldn’t be able to leave again. I think all of us felt nostalgia and missed our families so, we often celebrated holidays like Christmas and Easter with other Polish families.

Did your friends belong to multicultural families or were they well rooted in the American identity?

It was mixed, American as well as some first generation kids. I had 2 very, very good friends who were also Polish. Then I had some Mexican and German friends who were first generation. For them it was it was similar since they were speaking Spanish at home, ate Mexican food, celebrated different holidays.

The United States allowed me to experience so many cultures and religion. I am grateful for growing up with such a diverse group of friends. I was always very proud of my traditions and my background.

When you were 23, you went back to Poland. Why?

When I finished high school, I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to do in life. Initially, I was interested in becoming a physical therapist, there was an opportunity to study physical therapy in Poland and after obtaining the degree go back to the United States. That was the original plan, but then my dad fell sick and after a while my parents decided to move back to Poland for him to easily access medical care.

It would be about a year before they could move away from US. In the meantime, I decided to change my studies and  pursued Cultural Studies in Poland.

When you moved to Poland, did you find yourself proficient in Polish? Speaking Polish at home compared to the university vocabulary must have been different, was it hard?

It was my first huge challenge. I remember when I stepped into the university speaking to my new colleagues was fine. But we went into a class and it was called the Sociology of Culture. The professor started speaking, and I thought, I don’t understand anything. I remember that I was actually trying to take the notes in English because at that time I was more comfortable with academic language in English. I thought, Oh my gosh, what am I going to do? I bought myself a Polish – Polish dictionary and I spent so much time just preparing and going over notes. I had friends that would help me out and they would give me their notes. The first year of my studies was a big struggle. I had to focus a lot on filling this gap.

You were studying in Poland, what happened next?

While studying, I started working. I was able to do a lot of translations, working as an interpreter. I found out there was a school for translators where you could get a diploma and become a certified translator. I was studying two different things at the same time, while doing a bit of work on the side. When I got my Master degrees in Cultural Studies and as a certified translator, I was hired as a teacher. This was another challenge because it was not something I had done before. My first teaching job was at a big corporation, a Portuguese company that had opened a chain of stores in Poland. I really enjoyed teaching and working with people. Later, I opened my own business, teaching corporate English. I was very busy and worked long hours. I had a nice apartment, I had a nice social life, but I was alone. And, you know, when you put it out there things happen. I met my Danish husband in Poland shortly after. Things happened quite fast, we were pretty sure that we wanted to be together. It was difficult because his background is in construction, engineering and architecture. For him to be in Poland would have been very difficult because he would have to know the Polish building laws and speak fluent Polish. We thought that it would be better if I moved to Denmark and that’s what we did. And it was the hardest thing ever.

How come?

Well, first and foremost I had a lot of expectations. Looking back, they were not at all realistic. I think it was typical and something many internationals/expats struggle with. The first year, we travelled back and forth – the joys of a long distance relationship. You never get a clear picture of everyday life when you are in a holiday mode. The reality was very different from my expectations.

We started our lives in Odense, the third largest city in Denmark. However, 10 years ago this city was very different from what it is today. Back then, there was not a lot of interest in the Internationals and what they were struggling with. It was tough and I felt alone. Through Danish classes I was able to meet some wonderful friends. I also decided to study in Odense because I felt completely burnt out and wanted to do something for myself. Studying in Denmark was great, but I did not meet as many people as I hoped. My fellow students were a bit younger and in a different place in their lives.

The most difficult time came around when I finished studies and I started looking for work. I was looking for a specific job that would fit, my basic knowledge of Danish, my qualifications and was in the city where I was living. When I arrived in Denmark, I went from working all the time to my husband being the sole breadwinner. This was a drastic change that made me feel like I was not contributing. Living in a new country with a new language – not an easy one is hard. When you add to it unemployment , it gets even more tricky.

When I started looking for work, I thought it would be easy: I was highly educated, had experience and spoke a few languages. It was probably a year and a half of trying to find work. I went through all the whys. Why don’t they want to hire me? What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I mean, it was a very negative mindset, and I was heading for severe depression. Then my husband and I came to a conclusion that we would give it six months, and if I didn’t get hired we would move to Poland. Sometimes, we have to look at things in a different perspective.

I started to apply for a lot of different jobs and actually started listening to the advice people were giving me. They told me I was doing things “the Polish way”. Some people told me to visit potential workplaces in person. The first one I went to, I got an interview right away. In the end I landed a job, which I had not held previously, but I had the skills that were needed for this position. I think it is important to be aware that as expats we often have to step out of our comfort zones. I began working as a Marketing Specialist in an International company. I was very happy to finally be employed. So much so, that I was willing to commute to the other side of Denmark. We eventually moved, so that both of us had  the same commuting distance in different directions. I was there for over 2 years, and then I got pregnant. When my year of maternity leave was coming to an end, I started feeling like I didn’t want to go back to work. So I gave up the job that I searched for so long. I stayed home with my daughter for three years. While I was on maternity leave I founded an international moms’ group. I really wanted to have other women who are internationals around me. I felt a need to have like minded women who could relate to one another, discuss raising kids, what challenges we were going through, especially as expats without family support.

When we signed our daughter up for preschool, my husband received a job offer in Copenhagen. His parents live there, and we thought it was a good time to make a transition. Once again, It was my time again to think about what I would like to do. What a gift, to be able to find something you love and call it work.  I knew I wanted to be my own boss again and I wanted to help other internationals so, I founded Active Action.

What does Active Action do exactly?

Active Action supports companies, organisations and institutions in order to increase attraction and specifically retention. Through our workshops, programs and consultations we provide the tools which enable Internationals, their employers and communities to find mutual understanding and solutions. Active Action is all about smoother transitions, acknowledgement, raising cultural awareness and providing solutions for each International and their families, for the employers and employees, for the municipalities and organisations welcoming newcomers.

Basically, Active Action is all about supporting Expat Spouses/Partners so that they have smoother transitions into a new host country and that they obtain the tools and knowledge to lead thriving lives abroad.

When you do the workshops, who are your customers?

My customers range from international companies, universities that hire large amounts expats and internationals to municipalities and embassies. I also provide consulting services.

Going back to your family, what languages do you speak at home?

My husband and I speak English to each other. My husband speaks Danish to our daughter and I speak Polish to her. I understand Danish and my husband has taken Polish classes, he understands most of what I say. Understanding one another’s mother tongue is a huge advantage and this way no one is ever excluded from conversations.

You are native in two languages. Did it make it easier for you to learn Danish? Does it affect the way you express yourself?

Take for example my name. When I came to Denmark, I would use my Polish name but people would just butcher it with the worst pronunciations. I started using my American name, which is Kathy, much easier. But honestly, when people ask me, I say you can choose whichever you want, they are parallel for me. I feel like I have a split personality because I feel equally comfortable in both. My whole life I was kind of two people, my Polish self at home, with my family, but then I also always had the international me, when using English.

Learning Danish as an adult was actually quite difficult. I don’t have any difficulty expressing myself in English and Polish, now Danish is a different story…

Overall, would you say being raised in a multicultural environment was an asset for you? Why?

Growing up in a multicultural environment was one of the greatest gifts I have received in my life. It has shaped me into the person I am today. It made me interested in different cultures, languages, cuisines, travel and people. I also learned to communicate, be friends with, work with and live among various nations and religions. I am open, tolerant and respectful of people and curious about the world. I think it was wonderful to grow up and have friends from all over the world. I think that is partially the reason why I live abroad myself. Now, my husband and I are able to give this gift to our daughter.

No doubt Kasia will be up for the challenge of helping expat spouses integrating in the Danish job market, thanks to her personal experience, professional expertise, and incredible drive. Once again, it’s inspiring to witness the openness that derives from getting to know new places and cultures. If you want to follow Kasia’s work and story, like Active Action Facebook page or follow her on Instagram.

The post Growing up in a multicultural family. Parallel identities: Kasia’s story appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

#1. A library at every corner

Espoo City Library includes 18 units, all throughout City of Espoo. In practice, this means that almost every neighbourhood has a library available. Together with the delivery service (see below), this translates in everyone in town being able to easily access culture and library services.

#2. Free delivery

Every item can be delivered to the library of your choice. Espoo City Library shares its collection with Helsinki, Vantaa, and Kaunianen under the Helmet network. A user can search a title through the Helmet website, book it and request that it’s delivered to the closest library unit. After a couple of days, you get an email that your book is ready to for pick-up. All free of charge!

#3. Books ain’t the only thing you can borrow

The library in Finland doesn’t include only books. You can borrow music, videogames, dvds, blue-rays, ebooks, boardgames. The list goes on: you can borrow even working tools or digital cameras. I went to the library to sew my curtains with a sewing machine, all for free!

#4. It’s a safe place

I am an immigrant in Finland and the library is one of very few places where I feel welcome and completely at ease. Everyone, even tourists, can enter the Espoo City Library. The library is not just a book archive: it’s a place where to meet with your friends, have a chat, go to events, spend time with your family. Some libraries are located within malls, others have a cafeteria, and while they are generally quiet places, there’s no strict silence rule.

#5. It’s multilingual and international

The library has a huge role in allowing our family to cultivate bilingualism. Their collection of Italian books makes it possible for me to read to my kids and develop their language skills. Espoo City Library has children books in plenty of languages, actually. The adults collection includes several books in languages other than Finnish or Swedish. 90% of my own reads are borrowed from the library and I regularly find movies there too.

#6. Open at (almost) all hours

Most libraries are open during weekends and after working hours. In several, it’s possible to let yourself in also after opening hours thanks to your personal library card and a scan reader. Checking items in and out is completely handled by machines and you can return items at virtually every hour.

#7. A space for children to play

Most library units have a play corner for small children. The Entresse library has a play room and a collection of costumes to play dress-up. Sello Library has a play corner with toys, paper and pencils, and even a microwave to warm up baby meals. It’s actually very common to meet up with other parents at the library, let the children freely play, and alternate with book reading. Children books are easy to access (no high shelves) and the smart archiving system makes it easy to tidy up afterwards. Older kids often meet and play videogames at the library on the consoles and computers available.

#8. Plenty of space for events

Espoo City Library has a lot of space for events and a rich programme for all ages. There are stages, as well as rooms for musicians to record or play. There’s a film editing lab. There are meeting rooms. You can attend children’s events, concerts, book clubs, language cafes. The library has always a space to offer (for free in most or all cases). It’s a true cultural hub and a great resource for the community.

#9. Great user interface

Items are smartly tagged and easy to find through the Helmet website. There are several search filters, for example collection or language. This is how I easily find new reads or movies in Italian language for my kids. Most books are archived with a cover picture. All relevant information are listed in the description. Users are notified via email of upcoming deadlines or items ready for pick-up. Through the app Taskukirjasto keep your holds and loans in check. Fines can be paid online. It’s so user-centered!

#10. The library belongs to the community

Overall, I appreciate how the library is built on trust and sharing. As I mentioned, libraries are accessible outside of opening hours. Spaces are easy to rent. There’s an underlying sense of inclusion and participation. The library is a common resource and we all hold the responsibility of taking care of it, enriching it with events and our participation, and valuing the services it provides.

Espoo City Library is an enriching part of our daily life as parents, expats, and individuals. It’s a fantastic resource for people living in Espoo. I hope you found interesting ideas in this post if you live outside of Finland. Congrats to my library for this incredible achievement!

If you liked this post, you may appreciate also:
Challenge accepted, Helmet! (The Reading Challenge 2018)
My 10 Best Children’s Books About Feelings
The Best Christmas Gift, a personalised book by Wonderbly

The post 10 Reasons Why Espoo City Library Is Awesome appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

Methods and available resources vary if your child is in school age (7+ years) or younger. As far as I know there are no conclusive studies regarding the cut-off age of the critical phase of language learning – that is, the years when a child has high likelihood to learn a language at native level. Some studies children should start before age 5, others say 7, some even age 18. However, all agree that early exposure facilitates a child to learn. As a personal observation, I want to add that younger children are socially more relaxed, there is no social tension with their peers, no shame or embarrassment, so they allow themselves to make more mistakes and learn faster; beside that, early introduction allows children to explore more contexts where a language is used: we use different vocabularies in different contexts and with children according to their ages. Long story short, the earlier you introduce your child to Finnish (or any other language), the better. Whatever solutions you adopt, remember language learning is learned mostly through social interaction and not passive exposure.

Tips for younger children

Young children are the easiest customers. They usually enjoy every option you offer them and Finland has plenty of family events and workshops. Here’s some ideas of places and activities where your child can train her Finnish language skills.

Explore the local community

Where do Finnish stay-at-home parents spend their days? The answer is the local common houses. In the capital area, almost every neighbourhood has one. You can check out your town’s website and look up the keywords: asukaspuisto (“neighbourhood house”), avoin päiväkoti (“open daycare”), leikkipuisto (“playground”. This word denotes both simple open air playgrounds as well as common houses like asukaspuisto). In these places children roam and play safely, while mothers have a chat and a cup of coffee. They are also great places to meet other parents living close by. Don’t be shy of asking people their contact to plan playdates: Finnish people rarely make the first move at socialising but are happy to connect with other parents. MLL has also a special programme to facilitate this.

Family coffee meetups

The family association MLL plans nationwide regular meetings called perhekahvila (“family cafe”) open to all parents. Here’s the official page of the events; if you don’t find which is the closest gathering, do not hesitate to contact MLL! They are really happy to help parents building support networks. These meetings are also a great chance to socialise with Finnish parents and later organise playdates.

Library events

Finnish libraries are way more than book storage units, they are social and cultural hubs. Most libraries have regular and free-of-charge events for children, a popular one being the satuhetki, where books are read aloud to children. If you live in the capital area, you can check family events at this link, selecting “lasten ja nuorten tapahtumat” (“events for children and kids“). Pro-tip: use the Finnish page because Finnish events are not listed in the English one.

Music class

Music classes for children are popular in Finland, even as young as babies. You can look them up by searching for muskari. Music schools offer courses, but you may find one free-of-charge at the local church (they welcome people of all faiths) or in your local leikkipuisto or asukaspuisto. It’s a great parent-child activity as well!

Baby parks (kerho)

Kerho is some sort of daycare organised by the town. It’s meant for children over 2 years old who don’t attend daycare yet. When E was younger, I sent him to the local one to later ease up his introduction into daycare and it worked great. Children attend kerho 4-6 hours / week while their carer gets some well-deserved respite. An additional benefit of kerho is also that the child is introduce to the same routines and vocabulary that she’ll experience later in a Finnish daycare.

Daycare

This is the easiest solution: apply for a spot in a Finnish daycare! A child can attend daycare part-time as well as full-time. In Espoo daycares have standard programmes to enhance Finnish learning in bilingual children. Teachers and carers teach children Finnish through games and constant practice, and then report the progress to parents. My children learned Finnish quickly and very well thanks to the efforts of their carers!

Tips for school-age kids

I will admit older kids are not my expertise, since mine are still young. If you are reading this post and have suggestions to add to this section, by all means leave a comment and I’ll be glad to add them here.

Social life and hobbies

Nothing motivates kids like the wish to belong to a community. Depending on the age of your kid, you may have more or less influence on their social life. Be the first to encourage them to have Finnish friends. Hobbies are a great way to gently expose them to their peers speaking Finnish once or twice a week. Don’t be afraid that they won’t follow instructions and feel left out: I’m a sleep-deprived adult and I’ve been able to follow all kind of classes in Finnish even before speaking it. It may take time, but they will adapt.

Parent-child hobby classes

This requires some sacrifice on your side, but taking a hobby class with your kid can be a great way to spend quality time and a spectacular excuse to expose her (and yourself) to Finnish language. There are all sorts of courses offered in the Helsinki area on Ilmonet and they are very cheap: cooking, crafting, workout classes… everything you can think of, you can find.

Events

Libraries (see above) offer events for all ages, so it’s worth checking them out. Beside that, there are constantly events for families or kids advertised on Facebook. You can look up also cultural hubs (kultturikeskus) and their seasonal programmes. Check our also Lippu.fi or TicketMaster.fi for all kind of events.

Youth centres

Some neighbourhoods are provided with small centres for young people called nuorisotalo. There may be regular and free-of-charge events organised there, like “girls’ cafe” where young girls can meet up, or videogame competitions, and much more.

I hope this list of ideas will help you introduce your child to Finnish language and help you integrate here in Finland!

The post How to Introduce Your Child to Finnish language – a crash guide for expat parents in Finland appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

The list includes 25 books and I will write five posts throughout the year with our selection of children’s books. Our family reads in Finnish and Italian language, but some of our picks are in English and I translate on the fly. Beside the link to the Helmet (our library network) archive, whenever possible I’ll include the link to the same books in other languages to make sure you can enjoy them as well. If you’ll find my recommendations valuable, let me know in the comments below.  This is the final batch of the challenge, it’s been fun!. If you wanna peek at my other recommendations, check out my previous posts: first, second, third, and fourth. Don’t miss next year’s challenge!

#21. A non-fiction book

Helmet (ENG) | ENG | FR
A book on nature was the first idea I had when I read this challenge. Yet I wouldn’t have imagined I would find such a great book. Author Matt Sewell, an expert ornithologist, has published several informative children’s volumes on animals and nature, with outstanding illustrations. Forgotten Beasts is a pleasant read also for parents and a great chance to learn more on extinct animals. One fun detail for us was discussing sizes and timelines. Even R (almost 6) cannot handle them easily, but it was fun to translate information into “this was as big as 3 cars in a row” or “this animal lived looong ago, when dinosaurs roamed the world”.

#22. The book title is just one word

Helmet (GER) | HelMet (RUS) | ITA | ENG | FR | SWE
Beware, this is an all time favorite in our household. I have read this book to my children so many times, that I can recite it by heart: Poop-di-doop! (Caccapupù in the Italian version). Despite most books in our Reading Challenge list were rented from our local library, we own this one. I discovered this book years ago during a trip to Italy, when we visited a library near my hometown and a volunteer was reading to small kids. The book is ideal for children aged 2 to 5 years old, as illustrations are colorful and simple, and written parts are very short. A lovely feature of this story is that there’s a recurrent word (“caccapupù“) that kids love to repeat throughout the reading. My kids especially love the interaction. Author Stephanie Blake wrote several other books and they are all great reads. Given her great success, few years ago, she even produced an animation series called Simon (aired in Finland during Pikku Kakkonen).

#23. A book in which I would like to be the protagonist

Helmet (ENG) | ENG
I mentioned in the previous post of this challenge how we are going through a heavy Fireman Sam phase here with E (now 3 years old). He’s gotten it so bad that sometime when he’s completing some task we can hear him singing to himself the jingle which plays during rescues. There are several books on Fireman Sam, perfect for children aged 2 to 4. We chose The Pondypandy winter rescue to stay aligned with the current weather. A nice surprise was finding that the book requires some interaction and the child to guess what will happen next. If your child is also obsessed with the TV series, this will be a nice surprise.

#24. A book published in 2018

Helmet (ENG) | ENG | ITA
This was easy since I am one of the four nerds who regularly checks the new additions of the local library. I chose Terry Fan‘s Ocean Meets Sky, a visionary story that will leave adults and children dreamy and with a warm heart. Illustrations are of another world, simply wonderful and so detailed in their imaginative nature. I wasn’t familiar with this author and I’ll definitely look up for more of his works. Amazon says this is a book for kids aged 5 to 8, but I think it’s suitable also for smaller children. It’s mostly an illustrated book, the storyline is very simple. A young child remembers his late grandfather and their shared love for the sea, and leaves on a dreamy expedition to find a special place his grandpa mentioned, where the ocean and the sky meet. One small detail I appreciated was that the protagonist was a Chinese child, which marries well my intentionality to include diversity in our family reads. This book surely would make a perfect gift.

#25. A book recommended by library personnel or a teacher

Helmet (FI) | FI | ENG | SWE
R’s teacher recommended the series of Pekka Töpöhäntä (Pelle No-Tail in the English version) and we chose the Christmas story called Pekka Töpöhäntä viettää joulua (“Pelle No-Tail celebrates Christmas”). Pekka is a lovely black cat living with his human family, who also has a secret life in the world of cats. This is Pekka’s very first Christmas. He’s surprised his human family has placed a tree in the living room and a bit scared by Santa. His cat friends will show him Christmas is a time of love and kindness to long for. Stories are for older children, I’d say age range 5 to 8. Every page has illustrations but the story is long and requires some concentrating. There’s plenty of books in the series and I’ve learned they have been translated into English too.

It was so much fun to follow this challenge! Will we continue next year? You bet we will. As a matter of fact, Helmet has recently published the new Little Helmet Reading Challenge 2019 and I have started already looking up what’s coming next. Join us in discovering new amazing children’s books!

The post The Reading Challenge 2018, part V (final) appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

When my husband and I moved from Italy to Finland over seven years ago, little did we know our journey would lead us further to India through the adventure of international adoption.

We both were born and raised near Bologna, Italy. We had a chance to leave our home country and come live in the family-friendly Finland, and we grabbed it with no hesitation. Life was stressful in Italy and I felt out of place. After landing in Finland, my first instinct was to shake off my Italian identity, start from scratch, and focus on integrating in my new home country.

In 2013, our daughter was born and the need of teaching her Italian as a second language forced us close again to the local Italian expat community. Through my daughter’s eyes, I got to live again what it meant to be Italian and learned to be proud of it. Ironically, I became even more Italian than I used to be in Italy. Sometime, as I felt rejected, excluded, different or confused, it gives me a primitive comfort to go back to my roots. That’s the power birth culture can have on our souls.

E and R cuddling our guinea pigs.

When our girl turned one, we started the adoption process. By that time, we felt confident with our multicultural family identity and we sincerely believed in not severing our adopted child’s roots, but in including his heritage into our family. We committed to not changing his birth name, to learning the ways of his country, and to including some of its traditions into our daily family life.

Life led us to India as our adoption country. In a short time, we were matched to a perfect one year-old boy. In the months prior to our trip, I attended Indian cooking courses, connected with Indian families living in Finland, and tried to learn as much as I could about the wonderful country India is. During the past years, the Indian community in Finland has welcomed my family with open hearts. One Indian lady brought us children’s books from India; another friend curry leaves from her mother’s tree in Bangalore; an Indian colleague regularly advises me on festivals and traditions; fellow Indian mothers taught me how to care for my child’s hair and skin, how to cook Masala Dosa or celebrate Rakhi. I was afraid cultivating three cultures would set us apart, instead it opened the door into a wider community for us.

As expats ourselves, we strongly believe in the shaping force that languages and cultural heritages have. As adoptive parents, we honor the responsibility of cultivating our child’s roots. By embracing his cultural background, we are teaching him that diversity is something to value and not hide or suffocate in homogeneity. We were privileged, as our own experience taught us to appreciate it. Our son added this invaluable richness to our lives and we cannot be but deeply thankful.

***
If you liked this post, you may enjoy also:
Our adoption story, chapter I
I am a culture juggler
The joy in adoption #adoptionilo

The post From Italy to India, via Finland appeared first on The Elephant Mum.

(continues from part 1)

Paola: If you decide to parent in a foreign language, does it have to be your native language?

Soile: There is a very strong consensus among researchers that parents should parent in their native language. When we parent in our native language we are not parenting in a foreign language, no matter where we live. Our native language is not foreign to us. That is what matters in bilingual parenting.

My professional opinion is that it is a very bad idea to attempt parenting in a foreign language, meaning in a non-native language. Usually people attempt parenting in a non-native language because they want their child to gain the cognitive and linguistic advantages of bilingualism. This is extremely unlikely to happen. It is good to remember that it doesn’t necessarily work even for people who attempt to parent in their native language while living abroad.

Furthermore foreign languages learned at a later age are often learned to a far higher standard than languages learned as native bilingual’s weaker languages in early childhood. This is a tabu and many bilingual parents will be angry that I say so. However, anyone of us can verify in our local language minority community by comparing adults’ foreign languages to native bilinguals weaker languages. It becomes pretty soon obvious that the majority of foreign language learners easily beat the majority of native bilinguals.

Keeping it up in a foreign language would be very hard anyway as children grow. For all these reasons, please believe me, it is best to parent in our native language, for reasons of love and life. And when you do, aim really high and put a huge effort into it.

P: Is success of bilingualism mainly about the language I use with my child?

S: Human children require almost twenty years of parental care. Such burden has to be share and that’s why human families are based on the relationship between two mature adults. The language the couple communicates in is the language that is the core of the entire family system.

If  the parents love each other in the  the language of the place where they live, it’s much harder to raise bilingual children. It is very different from the couple sharing the minority language, like in your family and in mine. In both our families the couple relationship is founded on Italian, while we live in Finland and in the UK respectively. .

Then there’s the whole family language: every family needs a language that brings the whole family together. Families that don’t have that have various emotional difficulties because there’s always one person who is going to be left out from the moments when the family feels togetherness.  

Then you have the siblings’ language. Children spend much more time talking and playing with each other than in one-to-one conversations with a parent. Sibling language is almost universally the local language. The language used by siblings   can change multiple times in the course of a lifetime. It can change literally within days when there is a shift in one child’s language balance If siblings use the minority language with each other you are doing extremely well. Keep it up.

Finally there is the language of individual parent-child relationships. It occupies a minor part of bilingual family communication time. At the same time that is where we make big progress and resolve problems. In bilingual family consultancy these one-to-one parenting moments are where most of the interventions I design for families take place.

P: Why do siblings  switch the language they use together?

S: It’s about what is the easiest language, for that particular combination of people in that particular moment. When two people interact, their language choice depends on several considerations, such as the speaker’s own language skills, the conversation partner’s language skills, situation, social expectations and habit.

The sibling the is private to the children. The only way we parents can influence the language choice  it is to support the minority language to develop very, very well for all children in the family

P: Since you are a sociologist, I want to go off script and ask you, what is the relationship between language and culture?

S: That’s a gigantic question, there’s a library about it. I want to tell a personal story from a teacher training situation. I was at a secondary school lecturing on migrant children in the classroom. One of the teachers challenged me saying, “Is it really necessary for these Pakistanis to know Urdu?”. Later in the same lesson we talked about a real case of a British kid who had grown up in Japan. The child was a Japanese native speaker and had poor English language skills, I was asking “Would this British kid be accepted?” and the same teacher said “Of course not, everyone would say he’s a foreigner”. So yes, you cannot understand a culture in any other way but in its own language.

P: I want to jump from here to another topic since many of my readers are parents who have adopted internationally. Even my own son was adopted from India. Is there value in teaching adopted children their birth language to complete their identity?

S: This is a serious one. I would like to note for the record that I am not competent to advice on adoption and adoptive families. I can only offer general reflections based on my understanding of multilingual and multicultural families. I suppose it depends. We would be  looking at how old is this child and what is his or her current level in the native language. One should go through proper family consultancy on an individual basis to think it through.

Should I (re-)introduce my adopted son to his birth country’s language?

However, there are  some studies about Korean children adopted to France. t was found that in the adoption process children lost their native language Korean and they acquired native French, which is not to be taken for granted. They were fully switching to a new native language. Later some of those children in their teens tried to go and learn Korean in a classroom and found absolutely no benefit from the fact that they had been Korean native monolingual as young children.

It’s hard to see how the adoptive family would have the necessary resources and linguistic competence to support a  functional bilingual language development in their adoptive child’s birth language. Would it be a benefit or a burden to the child?

From the point of view of any  child, it means much more to have one meaningful person in their life speaking a language than being bombarded with a truckload of stimulation. Learning a language is about loving someone. Given that, in the case of an adopted child if there were  someone who is genuinely part of the family or a close friend who shares the culture of origin, then it would be fantastic and I think it would be beneficial to have that relationship. Still it would be unlikely to lead to a very high level of bilingualism.  

However, it would take huge commitment from the family and from this someone. It would need to be a long-term relationship, someone who really keeps on being meaningful to that child for decades.

P: I would like to ask you about Bilingual Potential. What is it and what services do you provide through it?

S: Bilingual Potential is an ethical business that applies my PhD research for the benefit of bilingual and multilingual people.   

In 2009 I won a grant from the Kone foundation and I could study bilingual families full time for four years. What a treat. I wanted to find out why is it that most  families struggle while some seem to come miraculous to do extremely well. I followed some ordinary bilingual families with school-aged children longitudinally for 2 years observing them in community settings and visiting them in their homes where we carried out recordings of natural family talk and did some assessment tasks.

That study changed my understanding of bilingualism entirely. I discovered quite a lot about the everyday social processes through which a language is lost or kept going. I thought, this cannot be hidden in an academic publication. I had previously done lots of community projects, I had  been working with schools, at that point I started doing it directly with families.

What parents learn about bilingualism can truly affect the outcome. From 2011 I started working as a consultant for families, face to face or via Skype. I developed five different specific leading methodologies tailored for bilingual children, corresponding to five big key problems where bilingual development usually fails.

At some point I decided, that this was going to be my actual job. In summer of 2015 I founded Bilingual Potential as a company. Bilingual Potential is an ethical business dedicated to advancing every child’s right the languages of their parents as defined in the Article 30 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

I do Bilingual Cake training for parents and teachers. I do private family consultancy, the most of all to activate speech in minority languages that children do not speak. I do consultancy for organisations schools or businesses, or corporate seminars for international companies with a globally mobile or international workforce.

Soile’s book Bilingual Cake will soon be published. Follow her on Facebook!

The Bilingual Cake book is coming out in the near future. Throughout the rest of 2018 news about the Bilingual Cake book and information about new services will be appearing on the Bilingual Potential website.

P: Potentially some of my readers may be interested. Can you give some details?

S. I will focus here on family services with private clients. Most bilingual family consultancies happen via Skype. I have clients from different countries in Europe, as well as in USA, Canada, , Australia. Sometimes parents seek advice right at the beginning, with the first baby. These consultancies consist of just one appointment where we talk about starting out as a bilingual family, making considered language choices and setting up routines that stay functional for a long time. If parents want to go into a little more depth we do a training on how to interact with a baby to support language development.

However the most common type of consultancy is a bilingual speech activation. This is my speciality. This is intimately connected to the life changing discoveries from my PhD project. Most of my clients have a child who has never begun to speak one of the family languages, or has stopped speaking it. We bring that language to life.

There are currently two bilingual speech activation packages. One is for toddlers aged 18-30 months focussing on vocabulary development and transition to two-word sentences in both native languages. The other is for children aged 3-5 with a normal healthy language development in their dominant language, who have a fading weaker language or do not currently speak their weaker language. We always aim for turning this stark unbalance into two native like languages.

Speech activation consultancies work like a pulse. We have an initial series of appointments. Then we have a break and many families return for long-term client relationship where periodically we do a new intensive spurt to always keep working to achieve two native languages as children grow and the goalposts keep moving fast forward.

Then there are the multilingual consultancies for families with more than two languages, multiliteracy consultancies for children with two well developed languages at ages 5-7, speech activations at ages 6 and older, and complex cases.

In complex cases children have emotional, social or developmental problems that often require working with other professionals such as Speech and Language Therapist, Paediatrician or a Developmental Psychologist. These cases tend to involve language delay also in the child’s stronger language.

Employers can also buy family consultancy services in bulk for their international staff.

***
If you feel your bilingual family may need an intervention or you want to lay good grounds for successful bilingual parenting, Soile is the expert you are looking for. I left the interview enlightened, wiser, and fascinated by how wide and colourful her knowledge is. Soile is very active in divulgation and shares plenty of interesting resources on her LinkedIn profile, her Facebook page, and her website. Thank you Soile, for the enriching conversation and for helping my readers in their bilingual family journey.

Note: Soile’s portraits in this post are artwork of Eva Slusarek. 

The post Bilingualism in children | Interview to Soile Pietikainen | part 2 appeared first on The Elephant Mum.